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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 7/2/2008 2:49:09 PM
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EmilyAnn
Posts: 1191
Joined: 12/18/2005
From: Thomasville, NC
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Chris has no patience when it comes to a screaming baby. He tried for about 10 minutes. David would not latch on to the bottle. He just kept playing with it and letting the milk dribble out of his mouth. After about 10 minutes he started crying and Chris called for me to come feed him. I took him and he calmed down immediately and started eating right away. I was in the kitchen making dinner and Chris was in the living room trying to feed him.
Chris is only home and awake for an hour and a half on week days, so him doing that 1 feeding wouldn't help me all that much any way.
_____________________________
Baby David is here!!
6-13-08
9 lbs. 8 oz.
20 3/4 in long
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 7/2/2008 3:04:10 PM
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TwinCityGirl
Posts: 1112
Joined: 4/12/2005
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((((EMILY))))
Auben is right - at 2 weeks from birth it really DOES seem to all of us like that's about all you do is feed the baby, burp the baby and then get ready to feed the baby again.
I'm sure it has been hard for you since you are alone most of the time with Chris needing to be at work so much right now. I'm sorry for you that there isn't more relief for you. Is your sister nearby, too? Could you check and see if David would take a bottle from her?
I'm impressed with all the pumping you are doing -- stop beating yourself up and look at how much time you are spending to get food pumped for David and then feeding him -- THAT is good mothering right there, girl, and don't you ever tell yourself otherwise!
My sister has twins that are 8 months old today and she has done a formula/breastmilk combo their whole life because her body simply does not put out enough milk for two at once.
Mamas do what they have to do. We will always be here supporting you, Em. You just hang in there as you yourself are still a patient and healing. Whatever you decide with regard to food for David, we'll support you.
Jeanie
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 7/2/2008 3:50:36 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6022
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: EmilyAnn
Chris has no patience when it comes to a screaming baby. He tried for about 10 minutes. David would not latch on to the bottle. He just kept playing with it and letting the milk dribble out of his mouth. After about 10 minutes he started crying and Chris called for me to come feed him. I took him and he calmed down immediately and started eating right away. I was in the kitchen making dinner and Chris was in the living room trying to feed him.
Chris is only home and awake for an hour and a half on week days, so him doing that 1 feeding wouldn't help me all that much any way.
But it would at weekends and holiday time.
I suggest you give him the bottle and the baby, and LEAVE THE HOUSE and let them get on with it, and find their own way. If you're there for David to smell/hear, and if you're there to dive in and rescue Chris so soon, then it's unlikely to happen.
Go out for a walk, or out for a drive for 30 minutes+, and let them try to work things out.
You could always leave Chris with a shirt of yours (that you've worn) to drape across himself - that might help get David used to him.
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 7/2/2008 3:57:21 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6022
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: EmilyAnn
My DH leaves for work around 5:30 am and gets home around 8:30 pm.
EmilyAnn, at least he does come home. Our military wives here don't have that privilege when their husbands are deployed.
quote:
I have to do all of the baby care myself.
Sorry to be so direct but, EmilyAnn, that's what you signed up for when you decided to have a baby.
quote:
My mom comes over after work a few times a week and does laundry, dishes, and makes dinner
You are SO LUCKY!! I had no help from anyone, and my dh was away from home at work each day almost as many hours as your dh.
*And* I had post-natal depressions (with my first). But, using the illustration someone else here gave a little while ago, I just decided to "pull up my big girl panties" and get on with it. You can do this too.
Maybe using formula once a day, say, might help. But be aware that your supply may decrease if you do that. My ds was fed half breast half formula from 6 weeks onwards, and fully formula fed by 3 months.
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 7/2/2008 3:58:08 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 5070
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: EmilyAnn
Chris has no patience when it comes to a screaming baby. He tried for about 10 minutes. David would not latch on to the bottle. He just kept playing with it and letting the milk dribble out of his mouth. After about 10 minutes he started crying and Chris called for me to come feed him. I took him and he calmed down immediately and started eating right away. I was in the kitchen making dinner and Chris was in the living room trying to feed him.
Chris is only home and awake for an hour and a half on week days, so him doing that 1 feeding wouldn't help me all that much any way.
But it would at weekends and holiday time.
I suggest you give him the bottle and the baby, and LEAVE THE HOUSE and let them get on with it, and find their own way. If you're there for David to smell/hear, and if you're there to dive in and rescue Chris so soon, then it's unlikely to happen.
Go out for a walk, or out for a drive for 30 minutes+, and let them try to work things out.
You could always leave Chris with a shirt of yours (that you've worn) to drape across himself - that might help get David used to him.
I agree. Chris just needs to buck up and learn to cope. Micah didn't have much of an issue with Gabby when she was crying, but there were some things that he just *had* to learn when I went back to work.
Edited for a silly typo.
< Message edited by Mrs.Wifey -- 7/2/2008 4:07:53 PM >
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 7/2/2008 3:59:54 PM
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LaurainAL
Posts: 1266
Joined: 8/13/2005
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quote:
Christ just needs to buck up and learn to cope.
This typo made me laugh.
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Life Trumps Choice
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 7/2/2008 4:22:27 PM
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LaurainAL
Posts: 1266
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quote:
Mamas do what they have to do. We will always be here supporting you, Em. You just hang in there as you yourself are still a patient and healing. Whatever you decide with regard to food for David, we'll support you.
Yes Yes and Yes.
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Life Trumps Choice
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 7/2/2008 5:59:58 PM
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EmilyAnn
Posts: 1191
Joined: 12/18/2005
From: Thomasville, NC
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Yes, but considering my husband had a part in making the baby I expect him to help with the baby when he can. Even on holidays and weekends I do 100% of the baby care.
_____________________________
Baby David is here!!
6-13-08
9 lbs. 8 oz.
20 3/4 in long
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 7/2/2008 6:02:32 PM
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Mrs.X
Posts: 2957
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: Newberg, OR
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Can you talk to him about that, Emily? Yeah, it kinda sucks when hubby doesn't help at all with baby care. Does your hubby spend time with the baby on his days off, not necessarily changing diapers, ect, but holding him, talking to him etc.?
Edited to add: Go check out that thread in Parenting that Sarah's Paul started called Dad's Role With Babies.
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-Stina
From Sweet Grass to the Packin' House
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -Proverbs 15:1
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 7/2/2008 6:10:41 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6022
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: EmilyAnn
Yes, but considering my husband had a part in making the baby I expect him to help with the baby when he can. Even on holidays and weekends I do 100% of the baby care.
How many holidays and weekends have you had since David was born? He's only just under 3 weeks old - that's not much time at all IMO.
And besides, unless you give Chris a bit of a shove and make him have to cope with, say, feeding David, he's probably going to continue to be scared and/or unwilling to be involved. Looking after babies doesn't come naturally to a number of men, and it can be as much down to a lack of confidence and fear of doing the wrong thing as it can be to unwillingness.
Did you see my previous post about just handing David and a bottle to Chris and then going out for a walk or a drive? Just go for it. Similarly with diapers - tell him you're going to show him what needs doing, and then after that, next time David needs changing, hand David to him and go out of the room - go out of the house if you don't think you can manage not to take over/rescue him or whatever.
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 7/2/2008 6:15:49 PM
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EmilyAnn
Posts: 1191
Joined: 12/18/2005
From: Thomasville, NC
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I feel like some people are being a little rude to me.
I appreciate that my husband works hard so I am able to stay home with David. I love my baby and I don't mind taking care of him. My husband doesn't understand that I am working hard too and am "on call" 24 hours a day 7 days a week. A little break every now and then would be nice.
Chris will hold him as long he is happy and awake or sleeping.
I am going stir crazy being stuck in the house all day (no car) and only having a 2 week old for company.
Anyway, back to the topic of this thread. I am thinking about pumping and supplementing with formula so I can get a bit of a break.
_____________________________
Baby David is here!!
6-13-08
9 lbs. 8 oz.
20 3/4 in long
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 7/2/2008 6:16:41 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6022
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
This gets my goat. A father's job does not end with bringing home a paycheck.
No-one has said that it does.
But surely caring for a baby, especially a newborn, is primarily the responsibility of the mother?
Better not go too far down this path, because there is already a One Stop Thread about Men's & Women's Roles in the Home.
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 7/2/2008 7:15:34 PM
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Roberta_
Posts: 6963
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: East Bay Area
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quote:
ORIGINAL: EmilyAnn
I feel like some people are being a little rude to me.
I'm sorry that you feel that way, but I do agree with what has been said so far.
quote:
I appreciate that my husband works hard so I am able to stay home with David. I love my baby and I don't mind taking care of him. My husband doesn't understand that I am working hard too and am "on call" 24 hours a day 7 days a week. A little break every now and then would be nice.
No question that both moms and dad work hard, in and out of the home.
quote:
Chris will hold him as long he is happy and awake or sleeping.
Wouldn't it be nice to have to only deal with children when they are like that?
When David is not in a good mood or hungry, etc. if David is available, go for a walk or something.
quote:
I am going stir crazy being stuck in the house all day (no car) and only having a 2 week old for company.
I remember how lonely and painful of a place that is to be. I know it's hard to believe now, but it will pass.
quote:
Anyway, back to the topic of this thread. I am thinking about pumping and supplementing with formula so I can get a bit of a break.
Do what you need to do to be the best you can be. You know you're situation better than anyone else does.
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 7/3/2008 8:29:06 AM
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Sideways
Posts: 3709
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Emily, when I'm struggling with a toddler and an infant, I really hope some well-rested person has the grace to tell me "That's what you signed up for.", because I just know that will be just the thing I need to hear to make me feel all better after weeks of hormones and not sleeping.
You gotta enjoy that "tough love"; it's really amazing how it makes the speaker feel so good - not so much the listener.
Because yeah, we signed up for this, but the initial shock can never really be prepared for, never truely anticipated.
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 7/3/2008 9:06:49 AM
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manda59
Posts: 6022
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
Emily, when I'm struggling with a toddler and an infant, I really hope some well-rested person has the grace to tell me "That's what you signed up for.", because I just know that will be just the thing I need to hear to make me feel all better after weeks of hormones and not sleeping.
Actually there's nothing that makes us feel better after that. How can it? Nothing anyone says can change what we've been through, and will likely continue to go through.
Yes, it can be good to know that someone understands, that someone has been through what we've been through. But we've done that here already. And though "there there" has a value, it's not a place we should stop at.
quote:
You gotta enjoy that "tough love"; it's really amazing how it makes the speaker feel so good - not so much the listener.
You're rather generalising here, Sideways. It was exactly what I needed to hear when I was a young mum, to pull me up and give me a shake. Languishing in self-pity doesn't achieve anything for anyone. The sooner we accept what's happened, and just get on with it, the better for everyone.
Whining to a sympathetic friend has its place, but it can become self-indulgent and turn into a "poor me" mentality, which, again, doesn't help anyone.
And I find it offensive for you to say that tough love makes the listener "feel good". That's not why I say what I do. I say things that I feel NEED to be said, rather than what people may WANT to hear. Moving on to taking responsibility and accepting things are they are, in their changed state, is the key to recovery.
And I should know. I had no-one around to help me with my babies, and my husband worked long hours. I also had a small farm to keep going. I had only ever held one baby before in my life before I had my first child, and that was just the once, for 5 mins, when I was 3 months' pregnant. I had an emergency C-section; my baby also went down with listeria meningitis at 4 days old and was on death's door. Even though he recovered, he was an irritable, miserable, unsettled baby who would not sleep for most of the day (would sleep for maybe 2 half hours, and would always wake up crying, and would remain crying). I knew nothing about babies, nothing about how to look after one. I was on my own most of the day and evening weekdays, and had post-natal depression. What got me better was some plain talking from a kind friend.
And that is what we are here, those of us who are advocating tough love - kind friends.
See us in that light, choose to believe the best about us, and maybe you won't feel the need to react against us.
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 7/3/2008 9:11:48 AM
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manda59
Posts: 6022
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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Anyway, maybe we could get back to the topic now?
Which is basically about bottle-feeding support ........
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 7/3/2008 9:37:22 AM
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EmilyAnn
Posts: 1191
Joined: 12/18/2005
From: Thomasville, NC
Status: offline
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What kind of bottles do y'all use? I have been using the Playtex Original Nursers. We go through a lot of drop in liners. I will be going to the store tomorrow and was thinking of trying another kind. I want something BPA free and with a wide top and nipple.
_____________________________
Baby David is here!!
6-13-08
9 lbs. 8 oz.
20 3/4 in long
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 7/3/2008 10:06:26 AM
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LaurainAL
Posts: 1266
Joined: 8/13/2005
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I used Avent bottles but I'm not sure if they are BPA free.
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Life Trumps Choice
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 7/3/2008 10:21:51 AM
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manda59
Posts: 6022
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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So did I, I think they are wonderful, especially the way you can transition them into a cup, by having a different, spouted teat.
I don't think they are BPA free, but if you just rinse/clean them in warm, not hot, water, and put them in a tub containing sterilising solution and cold water, the BPA is not an issue anyway.
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 7/3/2008 10:29:13 AM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 5070
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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I am going to return all my Avent bottles today. Currently BPA free are Born Free, anything glass, Sassy MAM, Playtex nursers, and Dr.Browns now has a BPA free version as well. Nuby bottles are also BPA free, and we have 3 of those. Honestly, I would recommend Sassy or Nuby bottles. They aren't going to be extremely expensive(like Born Free- $10 PER bottle) and you will save more money by not needing liners. We would have gone through 2-3 boxes of liners a month when Gabby was a newborn, so your talking $15 a month for bottle liners($5 a box 100 liners). AND, the nipples are incredibly fast even in the slow ones.
I know nothing about the MAM nipples, but if you go with the Nuby Wide mouths bottles then they are compatible with the Dr. Brown's wide mouth nipple so you can get the slowest flow possible.
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