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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/14/2006 9:27:40 PM
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Psalms274
Posts: 1102
Joined: 8/13/2005
From: Georgia
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Seems how there is such a melow mood here ... I thought I would lighten things up with things that kids say about love and marraige (these children are single incidently  )
Love and Marriage:
* "If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." -- Glenn, age 7
* "Love is like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." -- John, age 9
* "I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." -- Manuel, age 8
* "No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." -- Mae, age 9
* "Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too." -- Greg, age 8
* "Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." -- Tom, age 5
* "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." -- Mike, 10
* "I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when Dinosaurs is on television." -- Jill, age 6
* "One of the people has freckles, and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too." -- Andrew, age 6
* "My mother says to look for a man who is kind. That's what I'll do. I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome." -- Carolyn, age 8
* "It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." -- Kenny, age 7
* "One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." -- Ava, age 8
* "When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced.'" -- Anita, 9
* "I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." -- Regina, age 10
* "Most men are brainless, so you might have to try more than once to find a live one." -- Angie, age 10
* "A man and a woman promise to go through sickness and illness and diseases together." -- Marlon, age 10
* "[Being] single is better . . . for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd figure something out. I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing." -- Kirsten, age 10
* "Love is foolish...but I still might try it sometime." -- Floyd, age 9
* "Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." -- Dave, age 8
Kissing:
* "When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down, and they don't get up for at least an hour." -- Wendy, age 8
* "You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." -- Jim, age 10
* "Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." -- Kally, age 9
* "You learn [how to kiss] right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you." -- Doug, age 7
* "If it's your mother, you can kiss her anytime. But if it's a new person, you have to ask permission." -- Roger, age 6
* "It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you. That's why I stopped doing it." -- Tammy, age 10
* "I know one reason kissing was created. It makes you feel warm all over, and they didn't always have electric heat or fireplaces or even stoves in their houses." -- Gina, age 8
* "The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." -- Curt, age 7
* "The rules goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry her and have kids with her. It's the right thing to do." -- Howard, age 8
* (on seeing a couple kissing) "He is trying to steal her chewing gum!" -- Boy, age 6
Beauty:
* "If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful." -- Anita, age 8
* "Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time." -- Christine, age 9
* "It isn't always how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything, and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." -- Brian, age 7
How People In Love Act:
* "Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food." -- Brad, age 8
* "They act mooshy. Like puppy dogs, except puppy dogs don't wag their tails nearly as much." -- Arnold, age 10
* "All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the dark." -- Sherm, age 8
* "Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up." -- Sarah, age 9
* "It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are -- on fire." -- Christine, age 9
* "See if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love." -- John, age 9
* "Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love." -- Craig, age 9
What Mom and Dad Have In Common:
* "Both don't want no more kids." -- Lori, age 8
How To Tell If Two People Are Married:
* "Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." -- Eddie, age 6
* "You might have to guess based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." -- Derrick, age 8
Deciding Who To Marry:
* "You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." -- Allan, age 10
* "No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." -- Kirsten, age 10
Strategies For Making People Fall In Love With You:
* "Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." -- Del, age 6
* "Shake your hips and hope for the best." -- Camille, age 9
* "Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs...and don't worry if their parents are right there." -- Manuel, age 8
* "Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." -- Alonzo, age 9
* "One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me." -- Bart, age 9
The Best Age To Get Married:
* "Twenty three is the best age because you know the person forever by then." -- Cam, age 10
* "No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married!" -- Freddie, age 6
Good Advice About Love:
* "Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." -- Dick, age 7
* "Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough." -- Lynnette, age 8
* "Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck!" -- Ricky, age 7
* "Don't forget your wife's name. That will mess up the love." -- Erin, age 8
* "Sensitivity don't hurt." -- Robbie, age 8
* "Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." -- Erin, age 8
* "Don't say you love somebody and then change your mind. Love isn't like picking what movie you want to watch." -- Natalie, age 9
What To Do When a First Date Turns Sour:
* "I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns." -- Craig, age 9
What Most People Are Thinking When They Say "I Love You":
* "The person is thinking: 'Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day.'" -- Michelle, age 9
* "Some lovers might be real nervous, so they are glad that they finally got it out and said it, and now they can go eat." -- Dick, age 7
Why People In Love Often Hold Hands:
* "They want to make sure their rings don't fall off, because they paid good money for them." -- Gavin, age 8
* "They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing." -- John, age 9
Titles of Love Ballads You Can Sing To Your Loved One:
* "'I Love Hamburgers, I Like You!'" -- Eddie, age 6
* "'You Are My Darling Even Though You Also Know My Sister.'" -- Larry, age 8
* "'I Am In Love With You Most of the Time, But Don't Bother Me When I'm With My Friends.'" -- Bob, age 9
* "'How Do I Love Thee When You're Always Picking Your Nose?'" -- Arnold, age 10
* "'Honey, I Got Your Curly Hair and Your Nintendo On My Mind.'" -- Sharon, age 9
* "'Hey, Baby, I Don't Like Girls, But I'm Willing To Forget You Are One!'" -- Will, age 7
_____________________________
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
< Linus w/ a friends baby!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/15/2006 12:51:52 AM
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BugLady
Posts: 2515
Joined: 12/5/2005
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All right then, Karen or Kasia it is. Kasia- that's a very pretty name. You can call me Mac. It's my nickname.
_____________________________
Evidence of mental disease, mental defect, or mental disorder is admissable solely on the issue of whether or not the accused actually formed a required specific intent...
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/15/2006 11:57:11 AM
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John_O
Posts: 8060
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BugLady
Yay! Thanks psalms274 for keeping my thread alive. You have been a real blessing to me the past couple days. May I call you Karen?
quote:
* "Don't forget your wife's name. That will mess up the love." -- Erin, age 8
I had a boyfriend once call me by his ex's name. It DID mess things up.
I did that once. My very first girlfriend was Holly. My second girlfriend was Helen. I lived in the doghouse. I was a sophomore in High School.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/15/2006 12:00:33 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8060
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Psalms274
. or you could call me Kasia ... that's the Polish translation of my name ... I kinda like it!
How's it pronounced "Kahz-ya"? I work with a woman whose name is Mania (pronounced Mahn-ya). We are constantly getting calls asking for Mania (pronouncing it Main-ee-ah)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/15/2006 3:30:25 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8060
Joined: 9/5/2006
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Something from the archives
FEMALES VS MALES:
1. NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call
each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to
each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy
2. EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in $20,
even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller
and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3. MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
4. BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor,
a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man
would not be able to identify most of these items.
5. ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
6. CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
7. FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
8. SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
9. MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
10. DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage,
answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
11. NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
12. OFFSPRING
Ah, children.
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments
and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and
dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people
remembering the same thing.
14. AND FINALLY.....
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to
concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, jack asses,
and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws"
(6 is not true for me. I love cats.
11 is also not true I loved the way Michele looked in the morning. Of course when I left for work she was normally still asleep)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/15/2006 3:46:41 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8060
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Psalms274
Number 12 explains why you refer to your little girl as "the girl" ... you don't really know her name 
I think it has something to do with the weather, or seasons or something. She's a good girl though whatever she's called.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/15/2006 5:47:08 PM
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ServingMyKing
Posts: 7
Joined: 8/8/2006
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Yeah, I'm horrible at remembering jokes.
There is only one that I will never forget because my mother told it to me when I was like 12 and since I'm forced to know it, y'all have to now too.
I won't write the answer, but I think you can guess.
"What did the fish say when he ran into the cement wall?"
_____________________________
"Some wish to live within the sound of a chapel bell, I want to run a rescue shop within a yard of Hell."
- C.T. Studd
http://www.myspace.com/superzsa
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/16/2006 5:11:15 PM
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Psalms274
Posts: 1102
Joined: 8/13/2005
From: Georgia
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ServingMyKing
Yeah, I'm horrible at remembering jokes.
There is only one that I will never forget because my mother told it to me when I was like 12 and since I'm forced to know it, y'all have to now too.
I won't write the answer, but I think you can guess.
"What did the fish say when he ran into the cement wall?"
 I don't know.
But ... I have a joke ...
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
_____________________________
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
< Linus w/ a friends baby!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/17/2006 1:30:23 PM
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ServingMyKing
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quote:
I don't know.
quote:
Ouch? I don't know, either.
*laughs* Oh, dear.
It depends on your interpretation how I would spell it, but he said, "Dam."
_____________________________
"Some wish to live within the sound of a chapel bell, I want to run a rescue shop within a yard of Hell."
- C.T. Studd
http://www.myspace.com/superzsa
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/19/2006 3:43:43 PM
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Psalms274
Posts: 1102
Joined: 8/13/2005
From: Georgia
Status: offline
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A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class.
As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!"
As she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress.
She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again.
As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late ... but please don't shove me either!"
_____________________________
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
< Linus w/ a friends baby!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/19/2006 9:51:45 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8060
Joined: 9/5/2006
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Good one BugLady!
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/19/2006 9:53:11 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8060
Joined: 9/5/2006
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Kasia,
that's a very cute dog in your atavar, but you're much cuter
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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I would probably assume that it wouldn't be pronounced "main-ee-uh" and would at least say something like "muh-NEE-uh." Which would still be incorrect, of course... 
