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feeling really guilty - 10/2/2008 4:55:14 PM
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amcnelly
Posts: 13
Joined: 10/2/2008
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my husband and i have 3 beautiful children and after the third one we felt that we don't need anymore so i got my tubes tied. now i feel really guilty because i feel that i am keeping a child from entering the world. financially we can not afford another child (i am a student and my husband is the only source of income) yet i know there are so many woman out there struggling to get pregnant and i who am able have children has forever stopped the process. i don't know why i feel this way (it has been over a year since the procedure) is this normal? i don't know anyone who shares my beliefs that have gone through this
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RE: feeling really guilty - 10/2/2008 10:11:06 PM
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clag4christ
Posts: 2909
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From: We just moved to the big state of Texas!
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quote:
ORIGINAL: amcnelly
my husband and i have 3 beautiful children and after the third one we felt that we don't need anymore so i got my tubes tied. now i feel really guilty because i feel that i am keeping a child from entering the world. financially we can not afford another child (i am a student and my husband is the only source of income) yet i know there are so many woman out there struggling to get pregnant and i who am able have children has forever stopped the process. i don't know why i feel this way (it has been over a year since the procedure) is this normal? i don't know anyone who shares my beliefs that have gone through this
Maybe the Lord is trying to convict you that permanent sterilization wasn't actually the right choice for your family? Of course I can't know for sure...but if your conscience is being prodded in your quiet moments it's very possible. The procedure to reverse the sterilization is expensive (or so I've heard)...though there are charity organizations that can help if you want to have your decision reversed.
_____________________________
<-----Jael as Tinkerbell - Halloween 2008
If you don't want people to insult your intelligence; don't make it so obvious that you have none.
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RE: feeling really guilty - 10/3/2008 9:22:56 AM
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manda59
Posts: 5991
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From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: amcnelly
i don't know why i feel this way (it has been over a year since the procedure) is this normal? i don't know anyone who shares my beliefs that have gone through this
I would imagine you're grieving, even though it was the right thing to have done. I know women grieve after hysterectomies, after the menopause ....... so I imagine feeling like this is definitely normal.
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"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: feeling really guilty - 10/3/2008 9:53:27 AM
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Memaw.
Posts: 2454
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Sunflower State
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quote:
ORIGINAL: amcnelly
my husband and i have 3 beautiful children and after the third one we felt that we don't need anymore so i got my tubes tied. now i feel really guilty because i feel that i am keeping a child from entering the world. financially we can not afford another child (i am a student and my husband is the only source of income) yet i know there are so many woman out there struggling to get pregnant and i who am able have children has forever stopped the process. i don't know why i feel this way (it has been over a year since the procedure) is this normal? i don't know anyone who shares my beliefs that have gone through this
I don't really think this is about having more children because others' can't, I think this is about the "permanency" or finality of your decision.
I remember feeling that way after my tubal as well.
I had given birth to 3 children, and suffered 4 miscarriages.
After the last miscarriage, I knew I couldn't <emotionally> go through getting pregnant and possibly losing it too, so we decided for me to get the tubal.
I tend to agree with Manda on this one, I think it's a normal "grieving" you are going through, just the same as many women grieve the "loss of future children" when they have gone through a hysterectomy or menopause.
_____________________________
"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction.
Every generation has to learn how to protect and defend it, or it's gone
and gone for a long, long time."
Ronald Reagan
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RE: feeling really guilty - 10/3/2008 2:32:07 PM
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agapetos
Posts: 5389
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From: This side of the lil duck pond!
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I'd agree with Manda and Memaw too. I had an ablation in 2004 and while it was the absolute right thing for me to have, I still had to deal with the fact that I would never have children.
_____________________________
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not using them in fruit salads!
My blog
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RE: feeling really guilty - 10/4/2008 10:55:53 PM
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W.O.F.
Posts: 1497
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
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I think it is a little of both.
I do think it is normal to grieve over all the "could have beens".....you have shut the garden gate so to speak, on other visitors to your garden. There has to be a process where you "deal" with that loss...we all do it over other things. So grieve for a period, face it, and see where it leads.
IF it does not resolve in a reasonable amount of time (and only YOU can decide how long that is.....no one else can decide that for you)...perhaps it is because you made a decision in haste and God had other plans for you. Seek Him and He will comfort you and give you wisdom on where to go from here...whether it is merely healing and letting go of the grief, or addressing the fact that perhaps you stepped out of His timeline....either way..He is good and He will see you through this.
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: feeling really guilty - 10/6/2008 5:00:13 PM
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amcnelly
Posts: 13
Joined: 10/2/2008
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thank you all for your responses. you have definitely opened some other avenues of thought for me to follow. this is definitely something i may have to give more thought to. i really do appreciate all the responses and have never actually considered that i might be grieving.
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RE: feeling really guilty - 10/7/2008 12:36:19 PM
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flowerz
Posts: 343
Joined: 1/6/2006
From: Canada
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If God really wanted you to have another child, I believe that you would have one, regardless of your operation. I don't believe it is 100% effective, though it is close to that.
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RE: feeling really guilty - 10/14/2008 9:56:41 PM
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W.O.F.
Posts: 1497
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
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quote:
ORIGINAL: flowerz
If God really wanted you to have another child, I believe that you would have one, regardless of your operation. I don't believe it is 100% effective, though it is close to that.
While that may be true...it is also true that God will not force His will on us....and when we take steps that stop the natural process of things...He will not necessarily override them.
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: feeling really guilty - 10/16/2008 9:31:00 AM
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Shells54
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I kinda of understand where you are coming from.
I didn't have my tubes tied but hubby had a vasectomy and although it was done because the doctors told us my body wouldn't be able to hold up to another pregnancy being the last one was so many problems with me.
I feel almost daily the same thing of feeling guilty and that we have done something against God. I also know that I will get through it with his help I just need to remind myself that it was for my health. We weren't as strong in belief then as we are now.
I don't know if any of that helped just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone.
_____________________________
Michelle
Formely Soukz8696
Living for HIS glory not my own
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