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am I reading this right? - 9/2/2008 11:40:05 PM
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sue244
Posts: 437
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From: Colorado
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Ok guys I have a question that I need a guys perspective on.
There is this guy at church who I have been spening a lot of time with. Its become a tradtion to go get some food after services, closing out the restraunt. We have some good conversations and we joke about what rumor we are causing to get started as people speculate about us. But he also flirts alot with me. I had him over for my birthday and my friends boyfriend was like he is differntly flirting with her. He talks to me about his struggles and problems. So guys would you be that open to a girl if you were not instersted in her. Would you spend that much time witha girl if you were not instersted in her?
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"Indeed I Tremble for this country when I reflect that God is Just and His Justice cannot Sleep Forever"
Jefferson
"Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.” Churchill
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RE: am I reading this right? - 9/3/2008 1:17:34 AM
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DreadPirateRandy
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One of the first signs that someone is interested is when they begin to openly discussing their personal life and problems. They obviously feel comfortable bringing it up to you, so there must be some sense of interest happening if they've reached that level of comfort.
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The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, are of imagination all compact.
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RE: am I reading this right? - 9/3/2008 1:36:48 AM
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OneJohn410
Posts: 1220
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sue244
Ok guys I have a question that I need a guys perspective on.
There is this guy at church who I have been spening a lot of time with. Its become a tradtion to go get some food after services, closing out the restraunt. We have some good conversations and we joke about what rumor we are causing to get started as people speculate about us. But he also flirts alot with me. I had him over for my birthday and my friends boyfriend was like he is differntly flirting with her. He talks to me about his struggles and problems. So guys would you be that open to a girl if you were not instersted in her. Would you spend that much time witha girl if you were not instersted in her?
After church, you and this Guy get some food, and joke around, and only he flirts.
Guy was over for your birthday party, and your friend's boyfriend noticed Guy was different when flirting with you than in general. Guy is sharing from the heart with you. Would I be that open? Would I spend that much time if I wasn't interested in getting to know her better?
Sorry about that!  I had to take it out of texting format kinda sorta.
Open is one thing. Open and honest is an even bigger thing. My answer is YES, in order to get to know someone, you have to spend time with someone, be a bit obnoxious, see how someone responds to some serious things as well as how to diispell some crazy rumors (maybe not so crazy, eh?) about these two that slip off to eat. If there was not much time spent, how could there be accusations of leading someone on and all that stuff, right? All that stuff about our eyes met, and I just knew I'd spend the rest of my life eating banana splits with him at Dairy Queen is rubbish, mostly.
OneJohn410
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The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust Him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. Psalm 28:7
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RE: am I reading this right? - 9/3/2008 11:46:30 AM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 4183
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
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i still spend time with females i don't have a romantic interest in ... and yes you could be a safe person to vent too and get your opinion about things ... and re flirting, yes i've been told by female friends that some of have lots of guys flirt with them because they are viewed as a safe person ...
but it could mean the opposite too ... have you considered mentioning something to him the next time you guys joke about people thinking you are a couple? or you could wait months and months, and maybe miss other possibles because you aren't looking or it appears you are taken? i mean if you aren't seriously looking for a boyfriend/husband it doesn't matter.
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RE: am I reading this right? - 9/3/2008 11:47:56 AM
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jn1010lf
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Hello sue244
I wonder how this guy sees your relationship. Is it;
a brother and sister deal?
a friendship?
a love relationship?
Eventually, I think it's healthy for both to identify the type of relationship that has developed.
As far as flirting, I do that myself to some extent. I consider it to be mental jostling but others might not. I know a woman that is married but when we are in contact with each other we cut each other down fiercely. Her husbands says, "Yout two are exactly alike."
All I am saying is that some joking is ok. But it depends on the intent of the heart.
I would, however, try to determine just how this guy regards you. Things can't do on indefinately like they are.
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RE: am I reading this right? - 9/3/2008 1:19:29 PM
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sue244
Posts: 437
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From: Colorado
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quote:
a brother and sister deal?
a friendship?
a love relationship?
Well at the beginning of the summer it was deffenitly the first one. I know this based on something he said to me when we were out with a group. But it has progressed to true friendship as equals not just him looking out for me. Its the mixed singnals that I"m getting that are thowing me off. Spending a lot of time with me while saying, that 'we' are trying to see how long it takes for the talk about this to get back to us. But it would be easy to generate talk without spending hours together. There was one time when we were talking and he put me on the same level as this girl in his past that he was very instersted in. He was like I can only talk to this girl, my sister and you about this. He also knows I'm very old fashion just as he is, so its not like I could be too foward with him.
_____________________________
"Indeed I Tremble for this country when I reflect that God is Just and His Justice cannot Sleep Forever"
Jefferson
"Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.” Churchill
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RE: am I reading this right? - 9/3/2008 2:43:34 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 4183
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sue244
He also knows I'm very old fashion just as he is, so its not like I could be too foward with him.
if you look in the singles forum, there are several threads that address the balance between showing interest and not appearing aggressive. just so you know, many guys admitted to being clueless or missing what seemed to them very vague hints they were interested. there's nothing in the Bible that says you can't effectively show him interest without proposing yourself. some girls wait for YEARS thinking there are mutual feelings before finding out otherwise ... good luck sue244!
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RE: am I reading this right? - 9/6/2008 10:45:02 AM
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makarizo
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if she let me... yes. and if my ego was being properly fed.
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RE: am I reading this right? - 9/6/2008 5:42:00 PM
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buckifn
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Yes, I used to do that a lot. It was perfectly normal to hang out like that and not really date anyone...flirting is definitely a part of it that comes naturally with some people...and I would not take it as a sign a guy is absolutely interested in more.
If I wanted more I didn't hesitate to ask for a date and made it clear there was an interest in more than friendship.
I'd say if I was really interested in a girl it would be impossible not to let her know..hanging out with someone after church would prob fall into the meaningless category for me.
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RE: am I reading this right? - 9/8/2008 12:28:18 PM
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DaveW
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From: MD suburbs of Washington DC
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Contrary to what buckfin said, If it were me, you may have a very hard time knowing. Back in the day there were several girls I was VERY interested in and to my knowledge not one of them knew anything about it, except the last one. After the one before her got engaged to someone else just before I was going to make my move, I decided to move a little earlier on my DW BEFORE that happened again.
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