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Why is HARD for Chrisitans to say...I am Sorry? - 8/8/2008 5:55:26 PM
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Cloak
Posts: 4670
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From: Canada
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I just can't fathom this:
When non Christians hurt us and they don't say sorry or apologize I can understand that.
BUT when someone who "Claims" to be Christians hurt us and does not say
"I am sorry" or "Forgive me" or "I apologize"...I am blown away. I really don't understand this or can fathom it. I sometimes 2nd guess their genuine faith and devotion to God.
Why is it hard for people in general and for Christians in particular to say I am sorry?
_____________________________
Blessings!
And My God shall meet ALL Your Needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4: 19)
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RE: Why is HARD for Chrisitans to say...I am Sorry? - 8/8/2008 5:58:26 PM
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Neeva_Candida
Posts: 119
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I'm sorry.
~Neeva
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RE: Why is HARD for Chrisitans to say...I am Sorry? - 8/8/2008 6:01:11 PM
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Cloak
Posts: 4670
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Canada
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Neeva_Candida
I'm sorry.
~Neeva
What for? What have you done wrong to me??? Are you 2nd guessing yourself?
_____________________________
Blessings!
And My God shall meet ALL Your Needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4: 19)
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RE: Why is HARD for Chrisitans to say...I am Sorry? - 8/8/2008 8:16:03 PM
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rcjames
Posts: 5657
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Oklahoma
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Cloak
I just can't fathom this:
When non Christians hurt us and they don't say sorry or apologize I can understand that.
BUT when someone who "Claims" to be Christians hurt us and does not say
"I am sorry" or "Forgive me" or "I apologize"...I am blown away. I really don't understand this or can fathom it. I sometimes 2nd guess their genuine faith and devotion to God.
Why is it hard for people in general and for Christians in particular to say I am sorry?
You must be hanging out around a different type Christian than I am familiar with.
Thanks
RC
_____________________________
Just a country Preacher's humble opinion
Read the first chapter of my latest book here;
http://www.deliveranceofsara.com
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RE: Why is HARD for Chrisitans to say...I am Sorry? - 8/8/2008 8:20:59 PM
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Cloak
Posts: 4670
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Canada
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rcjames
quote:
ORIGINAL: Cloak
I just can't fathom this:
When non Christians hurt us and they don't say sorry or apologize I can understand that.
BUT when someone who "Claims" to be Christians hurt us and does not say
"I am sorry" or "Forgive me" or "I apologize"...I am blown away. I really don't understand this or can fathom it. I sometimes 2nd guess their genuine faith and devotion to God.
Why is it hard for people in general and for Christians in particular to say I am sorry?
You must be hanging out around a different type Christian than I am familiar with.
Thanks
RC
To be honest with you, there are many Proud Christians and even pastors everywhere even in the best churches.
_____________________________
Blessings!
And My God shall meet ALL Your Needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4: 19)
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RE: Why is HARD for Chrisitans to say...I am Sorry? - 8/8/2008 8:39:27 PM
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SonInMe1
Posts: 3396
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From: my mom by God
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We want to make everyone think we are the perfect little christian. To admit you are...flawed...or have made a mistake...let alone...gasp....sin as a christian is something many christians cringe at.
Heck its even preached from the pulpit to be perfect little gods who never mess up and those who keep this standard will be blessed more...have a higher position with God.
Who would want to admit faults with that pressure?
_____________________________
You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.
James 4:4
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RE: Why is HARD for Chrisitans to say...I am Sorry? - 8/8/2008 11:07:54 PM
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slimon11
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I know we recongize a false teacher when they do not preach or teach in line with the bible. Can someone's teachings be bibically correct yet, they are still a false teacher because they do not act in the loving spirit of Jesus and the Bible?
Is it okay for a pastor to lack people skills? I know none of us are perfect but, I mean being cold and judgmental, approaching people with wrong attitudes, maybe a little pharisee like, unintentionally turning people away from the church instead of expressing His love.
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RE: Why is HARD for Chrisitans to say...I am Sorry? - 8/9/2008 1:41:44 AM
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I-Luv-My-Flowers
Posts: 26
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quote:
Pride, pride and more pride.
or
They don't know that they did anything wrong.
I echo this, especially the second part. I've been horribly insulted by people who had absolutely no idea that they sounded as caustic as they did. They were aware they needed to develop more empathy, but they weren't aware they'd hurt my feelings.
Also (if you want to take this further), real apologies (where you name specific sins, ask for forgiveness and offer atonement if necessary) require a promise of change and accountability.
I've had other Christians offer blanket apologies against all sins committed against me, but they refused to confess anything specific or offer any committment against doing it again. To me, seeing their refusal to change made me think they thought themselves blameless and just wanted my "forgiveness" so I'd stop "nagging" them. 
I'm not very good at apolazing/asking forgiveness and don't do it nearly enough.  When I do though, I try to be specific and offer some sort of "I'll work on it/won't do it again" so I don't do the above.
_____________________________
 Charity
Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. (Proverbs 31)
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RE: Why is HARD for Chrisitans to say...I am Sorry? - 8/9/2008 9:25:05 AM
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rcjames
Posts: 5657
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From: Oklahoma
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Cloak
quote:
ORIGINAL: rcjames
You must be hanging out around a different type Christian than I am familiar with.
Thanks
RC
To be honest with you, there are many Proud Christians and even pastors everywhere even in the best churches.
As I said we must run in different circles,
I know hundreds of Pastors, and know them well. I would say that less than 2% would be so arrogant that they would not apologize to someone if someone took offensse. And if that 2 % felt they had did something wrong then they too would say I am sorry.
I would suggest you broaden your horizon; there is a wonderful world of Church leaders out there.
Thanks
RC
_____________________________
Just a country Preacher's humble opinion
Read the first chapter of my latest book here;
http://www.deliveranceofsara.com
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RE: Why is HARD for Chrisitans to say...I am Sorry? - 8/9/2008 9:32:24 AM
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rcjames
Posts: 5657
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From: Oklahoma
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quote:
ORIGINAL: I-Luv-My-Flowers
quote:
Pride, pride and more pride.
or
They don't know that they did anything wrong.
I echo this, especially the second part. I've been horribly insulted by people who had absolutely no idea that they sounded as caustic as they did. They were aware they needed to develop more empathy, but they weren't aware they'd hurt my feelings.
You bring up a very valid point.
Hurt feeling are in the eye of the one whe feels hurt, and sometimes the hurter does not realize the hurtee is hurt.
When I realize that someone feels they have been hurt by my word (in the pulpit or out of it) or by my actions. I do one of two things.
I always seriously consider the situation;
if I said or did something hurtful I apologize for that action and strive never to do that action again.
If the person took offense when they were just on a pity part trip or for any other of dozens of reasons that folks take offense when none is given;
I tell them I am sorry that they were offended.
Thanks
RC
_____________________________
Just a country Preacher's humble opinion
Read the first chapter of my latest book here;
http://www.deliveranceofsara.com
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RE: Why is HARD for Chrisitans to say...I am Sorry? - 8/9/2008 11:43:00 AM
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stampinlady
Posts: 1542
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Northern IL
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quote:
I said or did something hurtful I apologize for that action and strive never to do that action again.
I had a brother in Chirst apologize to me after I told him what had hurt me and I was just so moved by it. We don't do this enough. I know I don't. I'm dealing with some issue right now wth my parents that has me very perplexed in how I should go about spekaing to them. I need to confess my anger, but I'm not sure they are going to agree nor understand and that scares me.
_____________________________
Deb
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RE: Why is HARD for Chrisitans to say...I am Sorry? - 8/9/2008 6:19:27 PM
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Liveloved
Posts: 1876
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quote:
Pride, pride and more pride.
or
They don't know that they did anything wrong.
I agree with Deb. And the first answer is at the root of most sin.
And yes I agree that the position of pastor is a prime place for pride to flourish. They are put on a pedestal and 'untouchable' in most churches with no real fellowship with others. I hope that RC has the kind of honest and truthful fellowship with others and the Lord that keeps pride from creeping in. I've seen it destroy too many pastors. And so we need to pray for these men. That is our responsibility to be in prayer for those leading, guiding and teaching. And I've seen too many church not take this responsiblity seriously as well.
It is hard to say I'm sorry when you don't know how sorry you truly are. And that takes the light of Christ to show you yourself. 
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RE: Why is HARD for Chrisitans to say...I am Sorry? - 8/9/2008 8:44:44 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1697
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Cloak
I just can't fathom this:
When non Christians hurt us and they don't say sorry or apologize I can understand that.
BUT when someone who "Claims" to be Christians hurt us and does not say
"I am sorry" or "Forgive me" or "I apologize"...I am blown away. I really don't understand this or can fathom it. I sometimes 2nd guess their genuine faith and devotion to God.
Why is it hard for people in general and for Christians in particular to say I am sorry?
quote:
SonInMe1
We want to make everyone think we are the perfect little christian. To admit you are...flawed...or have made a mistake...let alone...gasp....sin as a christian is something many christians cringe at.
Heck its even preached from the pulpit to be perfect little gods who never mess up and those who keep this standard will be blessed more...have a higher position with God.
Who would want to admit faults with that pressure?
It seems there is another element to this: Seek first to understand, then be understood. We, as people, cannot always be attuned to the emotions of others. The only emotions we are responsible for are our own. If someone does or says something to us, it's up to us to make them aware. If we do something that causes hurt to another, unless there is something abvious at the get go, we may never know if they don't say something. Seems to me we need to pay better attention to what others are communicating; verbally and non-verbally. Too often were so busy, lost in our own reality we miss the opportunities God places before to practice the one anothers taught in scripture.
_____________________________
The two hardest things to handle: failure and success.
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RE: Why is HARD for Chrisitans to say...I am Sorry? - 8/9/2008 9:48:34 PM
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Liveloved
Posts: 1876
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quote:
Too often were so busy, lost in our own reality
But this is what selfishness is---and that pretty much defines pride, thinking more of yourself than you ought to think.
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RE: Why is HARD for Chrisitans to say...I am Sorry? - 8/9/2008 11:02:20 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1697
Joined: 4/8/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Liveloved
quote:
Too often were so busy, lost in our own reality
But this is what selfishness is---and that pretty much defines pride, thinking more of yourself than you ought to think.
Yes and no. In a sense, I suppose, it is a form of pride. But, look at our culture today. Everyone wants to be heard, no one wants to listen. I'm in my 40's, my generation was known as the "me generation." We were taught that we deserved a beak today, that we could have it our way. Everything became about ME, my happiness, my reality.
I've come to the conslusions I have after years of working in a business designed to change people: corrections. Have you ever noticed that when you are trying to communicate your feelings to someone and you can see them formulating a response before you are finished? It seems that both collectively and individually we have lost the ability to really listen to others. To be able to put all our own "stuff" aside and truly begin to understand what another person is communicating.
Example: for five years of my career as a PO, I supervised a sex offender caseload. When I talk to people about this work, all tto often I can see the walls go up to block any effective communication. All the prejiduces come to the surface and questions ultimately come up asking me how I could have ever worked with that population. Truth of the matter is, I loved that aspect of my job. I got to know the men and women I worked with deeply. I got to see them begin the process of change, what we in the church call "repentance." I began to understand where these people were at mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Buit the majority of people in the community here the term sex offender and they have no desire to understand anything further. They have been conditioned to think that we have to keep them isolated from the rst of the community and to protect our kids. While this education/conditioning is not a bad thing, it all too often becomes an easy excuse for people to not have to look further and understand the bigger picture; to see things from God's perspective let alone outside their own perspective.
What does this have to do with the ability to say sorry? We have been conditioned by our culture to look out for number one. We consume more mass media (TV, radio, print, internet, etc.) than we do of God's Word. Therefore, our thinking is shaped by the information we receive. When the messages we are getting is that we are the center of our own universe, it's difficult to epathize, to understand where another person is at mentally, emotionally, spiritually. We're always looking for an angle where we are going to benefit when we have to try to understand things from outside our own perspective.
_____________________________
The two hardest things to handle: failure and success.
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RE: Why is HARD for Chrisitans to say...I am Sorry? - 8/10/2008 10:57:20 PM
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Cloak
Posts: 4670
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Canada
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Excellent post thank you zamdad for your perspective!
_____________________________
Blessings!
And My God shall meet ALL Your Needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4: 19)
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RE: Why is HARD for Chrisitans to say...I am Sorry? - 8/11/2008 10:16:44 AM
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stampinlady
Posts: 1542
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Northern IL
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quote:
When the messages we are getting is that we are the center of our own universe, it's difficult to epathize, to understand where another person is at mentally, emotionally, spiritually. We're always looking for an angle where we are going to benefit when we have to try to understand things from outside our own perspective.
Very, very true.
_____________________________
Deb
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RE: Why is HARD for Chrisitans to say...I am Sorry? - 8/11/2008 10:30:31 AM
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tafkam
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In all the years I have been a Christian, I have never, NEVER had another Christian say "I'm sorry" to me. What I have usually found is that they are more content to just walk away from you altogether rather than admit any wrongdoing on their part.
Not to toot my own horn, but I was raised to offer apologies when I do or say something stupid that affects someone else....why others have such a problem with it is beyond me...
_____________________________
"The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.' - Ronald Reagan
Tafkam
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Very true! I would stay away from a church/pastor that does not walk the talk...just talk the talk.