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Why do people get so annoyed about this? - 7/31/2008 1:58:11 PM
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sunshine4God
Posts: 7088
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Sterling Ct.
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Why do people seem to get so annoyed when you question why they are so good to you? My example is today,my friend Myra kept calling me by my real name instead of my nickname.I asked her to stop and she said since it bothers me she will call me by real name whenever I say something dumb. I asked her why she worrys so much about me,and she said why ask why? Just be thankful that you have such a caring friend. I am thankful but since I have low self esteem,don't always get why she has taken me under her wing sometimes.It seems like I don't deserve for her to be so caring almost. Can someone please give me some advice? Thanks always Love Sunshine.
_____________________________
Matthew 5:16.
"Let your light so shine before men that they will see
your good deeds and glorify your Lord".
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RE: Why do people get so annoyed about this? - 7/31/2008 2:14:25 PM
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evryknee
Posts: 288
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Was she annoyed?? Or are you being sensitive? (reason I ask is because individuals with low self-esteem are sensitive to the reactions of others and can misread reactions) I'd say accept her love as you accept the Lord's love. We're all undeserving of God's love, but grace and love are given nonetheless. I'd say to humble yourself and accept her friendship and love on her favor. Also, be a blessing to her as well.
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RE: Why do people get so annoyed about this? - 7/31/2008 2:19:57 PM
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sunshine4God
Posts: 7088
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Sterling Ct.
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She wasn't really annoyed but just trying to make a point.I was being over sensitive. Its hard for me to accept others caring for me so much,since I don't see myself as anything special but am trying to remember my worth in Gods eyes.Thanks for your response.
_____________________________
Matthew 5:16.
"Let your light so shine before men that they will see
your good deeds and glorify your Lord".
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RE: Why do people get so annoyed about this? - 7/31/2008 2:20:21 PM
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Kat_D
Posts: 3144
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
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quote:
Just be thankful that you have such a caring friend. I
Exactly! We can nit pick our loved ones to death or we can choose to appreciate them for who they are and be grateful for their love for us.
Don't make mountains out of mole hills!
8 "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things." -Philippians 4
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
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RE: Why do people get so annoyed about this? - 7/31/2008 2:22:13 PM
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Sadey
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I'm sorry but I think you need a different friend. She doesn't get to decide when you 've said something dumb. That is so arrogant.
That alone makes this sound like a very unhealthy relationship. Not the loving one you describe. At the very least an out of balance friendship.
Sorry if I sound harsh but my red flags are waving in the breeze.
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RE: Why do people get so annoyed about this? - 7/31/2008 2:28:28 PM
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sunshine4God
Posts: 7088
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Sterling Ct.
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sadey
I'm sorry but I think you need a different friend. She doesn't get to decide when you 've said something dumb. That is so arrogant.
That alone makes this sound like a very unhealthy relationship. Not the loving one you describe. At the very least an out of balance friendship.
Sorry if I sound harsh but my red flags are waving in the breeze.
I disagree since she is a very smart person and knows alot about different things.She saved me getting myself in trouble by talking about someone in front of them.She also lets me know when a decision I've made is not good and lets me know why.I look up to her and know she always has my back.
_____________________________
Matthew 5:16.
"Let your light so shine before men that they will see
your good deeds and glorify your Lord".
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RE: Why do people get so annoyed about this? - 7/31/2008 2:30:41 PM
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Kat_D
Posts: 3144
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sadey
Sorry if I sound harsh but my red flags are waving in the breeze.
...and sometimes you can have so many red flags waving they blow many perspective friends away. Expecting perfection in a friend will leave you friendless. Everyone of us has imperfections and flaws. The Bible tells us to overlook/forgive them. The OP, in and of itself, does not give enough information concerning the context of the friend's comment (it may have been said in jest and taken too seriously) to warrent excluding her as a friend, imo.
Ooops, I posted over you, Sunshine...you have posted additional information about your friend that verifies that she is a friend worth keeping.
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
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RE: Why do people get so annoyed about this? - 7/31/2008 2:37:20 PM
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sunshine4God
Posts: 7088
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Sterling Ct.
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[quote:
Ooops, I posted over you, Sunshine...you have posted additional information about your friend that verifies that she is a friend worth keeping.
Thanks and I agree.
_____________________________
Matthew 5:16.
"Let your light so shine before men that they will see
your good deeds and glorify your Lord".
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RE: Why do people get so annoyed about this? - 7/31/2008 2:52:10 PM
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sunshine4God
Posts: 7088
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Sterling Ct.
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Kat_D
quote:
Just be thankful that you have such a caring friend. I
Exactly! We can nit pick our loved ones to death or we can choose to appreciate them for who they are and be grateful for their love for us.
Don't make mountains out of mole hills!
8 "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things." -Philippians 4
I guess my real question is why she gets annoyed by my low self esteem.
_____________________________
Matthew 5:16.
"Let your light so shine before men that they will see
your good deeds and glorify your Lord".
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RE: Why do people get so annoyed about this? - 7/31/2008 3:22:43 PM
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rocketman0621
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Its most likely because she cares very much for you. That is why she tries to show love so much, even if you don't want it. She is making an effort to help you realize you are worth it. Having low self-esteem can really have a bad effect on people. She probably just wants the best for you and doesn't like seeing this self-esteem issue affect you the way it does. Don't take the love of a friend for granted.
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RE: Why do people get so annoyed about this? - 7/31/2008 4:30:19 PM
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Kat_D
Posts: 3144
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From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sunshine4God
quote:
ORIGINAL: Kat_D
quote:
Just be thankful that you have such a caring friend. I
Exactly! We can nit pick our loved ones to death or we can choose to appreciate them for who they are and be grateful for their love for us.
Don't make mountains out of mole hills!
8 "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things." -Philippians 4
I guess my real question is why she gets annoyed by my low self esteem.
Maybe because she sees the best in you and it frustrates her that you cannot or will not see what she sees.
Also always putting yourself down requires a lot of effort on the friend's part to have to constantly build you up. That can get tiring, you know?
This putting yourself down thing can also be a reverse form of pride. Continually representing yourself as a "lowly, unworthy wretch" because you like, and need to constantly hear all the reasons why you're not a "lowly, unworthy wretch"...you know what I mean?
This can wear a friend/friendship out.
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
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RE: Why do people get so annoyed about this? - 7/31/2008 5:39:14 PM
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sunshine4God
Posts: 7088
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Sterling Ct.
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rocketman0621
Its most likely because she cares very much for you. That is why she tries to show love so much, even if you don't want it. She is making an effort to help you realize you are worth it. Having low self-esteem can really have a bad effect on people. She probably just wants the best for you and doesn't like seeing this self-esteem issue affect you the way it does. Don't take the love of a friend for granted.
Thanks so much.You are right.She is very loving towards me. I will try and build myself up in the Lord,and know with Gods help I will be free from my self esteem problem. Could you just keep me in prayer? Thanks so much and God bless you always,Love sunshine.
_____________________________
Matthew 5:16.
"Let your light so shine before men that they will see
your good deeds and glorify your Lord".
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RE: Why do people get so annoyed about this? - 7/31/2008 5:54:14 PM
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slushie
Posts: 2008
Joined: 4/30/2006
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Sometimes I do get "annoyed" when certain friends can never understand that they're something precious in God's sight... and that I really do care about them. It just makes me exasperated, not at them, but at whoever made them feel in the past (or whenever) that they didn't matter. It's not that I get mad at them, but I feel a little sad and frustrated because I want them to believe that they DO matter, and that God DOES love them very very much.
_____________________________
Testify to Love
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RE: Why do people get so annoyed about this? - 8/1/2008 4:07:19 PM
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starvin.artist.gurl
Posts: 65
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I used to struggle with self esteem issues really badly in high school. All I can say is that it doesn't go away on its own. The way you think about yourself is what will change your esteem. The best advice I can give is to stop looking for assurance from other people and start giving yourself that assurance. I know you said you are trying to see yourself how God sees you, and that is good. You need to constantly remind yourself of God's promises and you need to tell yourself that you are worth something.
People may not be annoyed per se by low self esteem, but people are definitely attracted to confidence. I finally got my confidence up by the time I got to college, and I made soooo many new friends. It's easy to make friends when you are sure of yourself.
I have to sort of agree that this Myra may not be the best person for you to be around. Maybe she was just joking, but if she was serious, being around someone who will remind that you're "dumb" isn't great for self esteem building. It sounds like you rely on her a lot to build up your self image, and that kind of friendship isn't healthy.
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RE: Why do people get so annoyed about this? - 8/1/2008 4:26:08 PM
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JerrynDolli
Posts: 115
Joined: 9/13/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: YZGUY
CORRECTION
Was she annoyed?? Or are you being sensitive? (reason I ask is because individuals with low self-esteem are sensitive to the reactions of others and can misread reactions) I'd say accept her love as you accept the Lord's love. We're all undeserving of God's love, but grace and love are given nonetheless. I'd say to humble yourself and accept her friendship and love on her favor. Also, be a blessing to her as well.
First of all do you fish for people to compliment you and do you need to be build up constantly? If so just realize that is very taxing and evidence of being self-absorbed. But, if you're not and she is always criticizing you then that is another topic. Are her comments warranted or is she just always looking for imperfections to point out? Is she or are you envious of others? If so then you both need to understand who you are in Christ Jesus and recognize that everyone are wonderful and beautifully made. Everyone must discover what the Lord has them to do and just make it a nike moment and do it. When we focus on what we're called to do instead of desiring to do what others are doing, it will help us not be envious, critical or jealous of others, nor self loathing. Instead we will become excited and content with the purpose God called us to, therefore content and not comparing ourselves with others, nor desiring to be them or their positions or purpose in life.
And just an F.Y.I. Your friend may have her own insecurity issues. Since, you admit to being insecure you must be aware that individuals who are also have a insecurity problem will seek out people who appear or more insecure than they are. In fact, one might call them bullies. People who have such problems always point out others short comings to keep the focus off their inadequacies, this gives them a temporary rush of superiority... until the next fix. The next fix will come via pointing out another flaw they say you have. Not that you have it, but you may always second guess yourself and fail to recognize the truth about yourself. When a person have to have praise all the time and desire to be worshiped instead iOF Inspiring others THEY ARE with to be the best. You know they surround themselves with the insecure... being their biggest fan club.
Again, if you do all the complimenting and take her criticisms... apparently, SHE IS not as secure as you think. Take the moment and see a cartoon which I hate, but a friend of mine like "Pinky and the Brain". That is a sad relationship. And ask yourself when you observe it, does your relationship resemble their relationship?
Look we all have feet of clay... but, your friend needs a boost of encouragement, as well as self-examination. No one walks on water but Jesus... even Paul fell. When we keep our eyes on Jesus and His accomplishments and not our own, we do become more confident and secure. Confident in What He Has Done and Secure In Him that we can do all things through Him. Therefore, we boast in Him and not ourselves... for God share His Glory with No one. You are precious in His site and when someone treats as if you are a fool... then they have to deal with your make. Jesus instructed us to call anyone one Rancor... I wonder if it Hurts Him when we look down and berate another as if they are a fool.
Look you brought this up, so I'm encourage to examine the situation through the eyes of Jesus... His word says love is long suffering. Remind her of this truth.
Pray and ask the Lord to reveal your true friend. If you walk away from this person always second guessing yourself. Feeling exhausted with always having to apologize and feeling sad. Well this person is toxic. A friend loves without conditions and seek out constructive ways to encourage you to grow. They never attack your personhood. They celebrate the gifts the Lord has placed in you and aspire you to Trust God to cultivate them. They are cheerleaders. They encourage you when you are discourage. And you should do the same.
Examine yourself. Do you attract abusers or encouragers. Now make sure you too are an encourager.
As far as your name goes... if a person knows something irritated you... why will they pick the wound. Only the enemy of our souls like to cause pain... friends like to encourage each other to trust in the Lord to help them become the jewel God said we can be.
Ask God to help you in choosing great friends... and make sure you're also a great friend. God will be merciful to those who are merciful.
God Bless You... Remember you can do and become all that God has call you to become through Christ Jesus who strengthens us.
Agape,
In Christ Jesus
~Dolli
< Message edited by JerrynDolli -- 8/2/2008 6:52:18 AM >
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http://beingrealwithdolli.blogspot.com/
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RE: Why do people get so annoyed about this? - 8/1/2008 7:28:54 PM
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preserved
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Sunshine4God...I see your friend trying to get you to become more confidence in yourself and stand up for yourself...like when she said I will call you by your real name when you say something dumb...instead you turned around and ask why she worries so much about you? You really did not get what she was saying to you...Your response should have been please call me by the name I prefer to be called by..if not I will ignore you...so instead you allow this friend and probably others to help you keep your low-self esteem...You accept her as a friend because she can say what she wants with you...Her comment was in my opinion not very pleasant...This is why the other posters are asking you if she is really a friend?
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RE: Why do people get so annoyed about this? - 8/3/2008 11:29:26 PM
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sunshine4God
Posts: 7088
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Sterling Ct.
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For all those who say maybe my friend isn't the best for me,than thats totally wrong.I am realizing more and more what a good friend she really is and trust her wisdom.The theme of Soulfest this year was true love,and Jesus spoke to me through lots of songs. He is helping me know who I am in him,and speaking to my heart. I'm sorry if I made it sound like my friend isn't good for me.She truly is. Also I think she was just teasing me when making that comment about calling me by my first name. Thanks for all your advice and God bless you all,Love always Sunshine.
_____________________________
Matthew 5:16.
"Let your light so shine before men that they will see
your good deeds and glorify your Lord".
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RE: Why do people get so annoyed about this? - 8/4/2008 2:20:29 PM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 775
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Perhaps God is stretching you Sunshine4God to get you to see yourself as He does? You are special(after all His Son died for YOU!)
The Bible tells us the very hairs of our heads are numbered - he keeps track of our tears - we are fearfully and wonderfully made - God's saints are precious to Him -
Our faith in Christ provides for us all this and more!
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RE: Why do people get so annoyed about this? - 8/5/2008 10:52:03 PM
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sunshine4God
Posts: 7088
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Sterling Ct.
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Thanks so much for your encouragement,Jaime.
What do you mean by God stretching me though?
_____________________________
Matthew 5:16.
"Let your light so shine before men that they will see
your good deeds and glorify your Lord".
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RE: Why do people get so annoyed about this? - 8/6/2008 9:33:12 PM
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Dancre
Posts: 1258
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You know, Sun, I'm not getting why you don't see yourself as special? God is our father and like any parent, He sees special things in each of His kids that makes Him say AHHH . . . so cute!! Like an earth parent does. My friend has 2 kids and both are her special kids. Each kid has incredible qualities that makes her smile. So it is with our Heavenly father. All of us are His 'favorites' so to speak. So why would you say you're not special when you are? I suggest you do a Bible study on who you are in Christ Jesus and see just how special you really are to God. I think you'd be amazed. Also why do you think you say dumb things? You sound pretty smart to me. I think you need to start looking at the good in you instead of all this bad stuff. God doesn't meditate on it, so why should you? It seems from your picture you have a great sense of humor. That's very important. That's a start. :)
quote:
ORIGINAL: sunshine4God
quote:
ORIGINAL: rocketman0621
Its most likely because she cares very much for you. That is why she tries to show love so much, even if you don't want it. She is making an effort to help you realize you are worth it. Having low self-esteem can really have a bad effect on people. She probably just wants the best for you and doesn't like seeing this self-esteem issue affect you the way it does. Don't take the love of a friend for granted.
Thanks so much.You are right.She is very loving towards me. I will try and build myself up in the Lord,and know with Gods help I will be free from my self esteem problem. Could you just keep me in prayer? Thanks so much and God bless you always,Love sunshine.
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RE: Why do people get so annoyed about this? - 8/8/2008 12:23:54 AM
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sunshine4God
Posts: 7088
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Sterling Ct.
Status: offline
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Thanks so much dancre and I love the idea of doing a study of who I am in Jesus.That would be very helpful I'm sure.I also agree I gotta learn to focus on all the good things God has done in me,and not look back anymore.That is an area I get tripped up on alot.Can you suggest where to get started in doing a study? Thanks and God bless you always.
_____________________________
Matthew 5:16.
"Let your light so shine before men that they will see
your good deeds and glorify your Lord".
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RE: Why do people get so annoyed about this? - 8/9/2008 1:37:20 AM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 775
Joined: 11/28/2005
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stretching.... moving you out of your comfort zone(so to speak).
You expressed not feeling like you deserve a caring friend...
You have "embraced" thinking that you're nothing special ... low self esteem is destructive to your personal growth and faith walk.
You read the Bible but do you believe it and apply it in your life?
Are you casting down any thought/doubt that says - "you
don't believe that someone cares for you?" - "why do you think someone would
take time for you?" --- those kinds of bad seeds/thoughts aren't building you up and they need to be taken "captive" and cast down... replace those kind of thoughts with God's Truth.
Memorize some scriptures that speak positive about how God views & thinks of you.
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RE: Why do people get so annoyed about this? - 8/10/2008 10:10:48 PM
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sunshine4God
Posts: 7088
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Sterling Ct.
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Jaime I have been praying and praying that God would take away these thoughts of unworthiness,and He is blessing me.He has brought a new friend into my life.Me and this girl were already friends actually but are growing way closer to one another. I see Gods blessings in my life so much lately and know he is answering my prayers.Thanks so much for your advice.
_____________________________
Matthew 5:16.
"Let your light so shine before men that they will see
your good deeds and glorify your Lord".
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