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Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 12:04:10 AM
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phosadaud
Posts: 10604
Joined: 9/19/2005
From: Washington State
Status: offline
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I must say that right now I am deeply saddened (almost in tears and I rarely ever cry) after having read a thread in current events. I can be a fierce debater and I know that I'm pretty blunt and that can turn folks off, but there have been several threads lately which have made me never want to post in this (women's only) folder again. If this was an isolated thing, it wouldn't bother me. But it's not.
What am I talking about? I just read through the airplane thread and I must say that in my years of posting here, and the most intense debate threads I've been in, I have never seen such anger and downright vicious cutting down than I saw in there. One particular poster was being downright skewered and accused of all kinds of things. When it came to light that these accusations were false there was no apology... at all.... Even after another poster tried to defend the person being attacked. Rather some more snarky comments about how men can be like that too. I'm starting a new thread because it would be off-topic there and besides, I believe that this is something that needs to be addressed and discussed.
I have done my share of offensiveness on these threads and even as laid back as I am, there have been times that my frustration came out when it shouldn't have. But one thing you will find about me is that when I am wrong, I will admit it, apologize and move on. Simply put, I don't see that happen in this folder and I wonder why? Is that not the biblical response? Can women not discuss things and disagree without burning each other at the stake? And when we do hurt each other, especially unjustly, can we not at least attempt to make amends? Is that not the biblical model?
I have to be honest, threads like that and ones I have followed in here have pretty much made me decide that this isn't (this particular folder) a place I want to be in. Most of you don't know me so you won't get how significant that statement is, but needless to say I am an extremely laid back person and it takes a LOT to get me upset and discouraged. But I'm there. 
I know I will get attacked for this thread, but I also know there are a lot of hurting women on these boards who are either like me and simply don't want to listen to this kind of venem or who have been the victim of such venem so I feel it needs to be said.
I know many of you are wonderful, godly women. The only thing I ask is that we ALL take some time to look into our hearts and maybe humble ourselves and seek to build each other up and stop ripping each other to shreds.
I know this is unfair, but I'm deeply ashamed of my gender right now and now I think I finally get why I tend to gravitate to male dominated fields. Sometimes, I just don't like women. 
Am I wrong?
_____________________________
~Kristin~
Resume Quotations: "Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word 'paranoia.' I prefer to elaborate privately."
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 12:17:01 AM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 2675
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: California
Status: offline
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quote:
Simply put, I don't see that happen in this folder and I wonder why? Is that not the biblical response? Can women not discuss things and disagree without burning each other at the stake? And when we do hurt each other, especially unjustly, can we not at least attempt to make amends? Is that not the biblical model?
Yep, and when a person does try to make amends and appease the upset person, that person should forgive them.
_____________________________
Now thank we all our God, with hearts and hands and voices, what wondrous things He's done, in whom the world rejoices.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 12:17:23 AM
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AngelInWaiting1983
Posts: 10833
Joined: 6/8/2007
From: South Carolina
Status: offline
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{{{Phosy}}}
I love you girl!
_____________________________
Reflecting with Terri
Dance like no one is watching. If they are, who cares!
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 12:22:00 AM
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MrsTracy72
Posts: 1800
Joined: 2/28/2007
Status: offline
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I so totally don't know what thread you were reading and I know we don't know eachother, but I think that happens everywhere in this forum. If you get the wrong two personalities on one topic, it turns into dynamite. I hope you don't get attacked for writing this because that will only reinforce your opinion. I know that I have been targeted a couple of times in areas that I won't mention, but I just stay out of them too. You are entitled to your opinion and I am so sorry you feel that way because nobody should feel like that in a place like this, but sadly, it happens.
Tracy
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 12:34:49 AM
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spitzu
Posts: 1082
Joined: 4/19/2005
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What airplane thread?
I know how you feel. Women can be so snarky... some around these parts are worse than some on secular forums I've been on. Very sad.
_____________________________
<- Ahh, the sound of a real shutter. It's like music!
Buggy Again
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 12:40:52 AM
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PrincessButtercup
Posts: 7116
Joined: 4/21/2007
From: not my home...
Status: offline
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Yeah, there's been some mean things said on these forums before. Sometimes, it can be extremely harsh and uncalled for. I know that my feelings have been hurt because of such things, along with many others.
It shouldn't happen in a place full of Christians, but unfortunately, it does.
_____________________________
I need you more than anyone, darlin'
You know that I have from the start
So build me up, Buttercup, don't break my heart...
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 12:42:33 AM
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solo_soprano22
Posts: 2476
Joined: 4/27/2005
From: I'm a Southern girl
Status: offline
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Well... if you read that thread then you should know how I feel. :) I do think sometimes women here are presumptuous when they have no place; in that thread I saw that, and yes...I was surprised at the lack of an apology. But I think sometimes "I'm right" wins in people's minds...sometimes "You're wrong and I'm right" wins...And sadly, sometimes we judge others' hearts when we should not...and all over what? Subjective opinions usually. Stuff that shouldn't even get that way. In the grand scheme of things this petty stuff we get into it over probably doesn't matter, and, if it does matter, then we can discuss it like civilized females.
ETA: I think tacky to assume things about people just because they disagree with you or your practices, esp. the state of someone's heart and intentions...regularly occurs around here though....and odd that it seems to happen the worst on those hot topics....
...if you don't see it my way then you must have a spiritual problem. WOW.
< Message edited by solo_soprano22 -- 8/21/2008 12:50:24 AM >
_____________________________
For God, For Learning, Forever.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 2:26:17 AM
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solo_soprano22
Posts: 2476
Joined: 4/27/2005
From: I'm a Southern girl
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: phosadaud
I must say that right now I am deeply saddened (almost in tears and I rarely ever cry) after having read a thread in current events. I can be a fierce debater and I know that I'm pretty blunt and that can turn folks off, but there have been several threads lately which have made me never want to post in this (women's only) folder again. If this was an isolated thing, it wouldn't bother me. But it's not.
What am I talking about? I just read through the airplane thread and I must say that in my years of posting here, and the most intense debate threads I've been in, I have never seen such anger and downright vicious cutting down than I saw in there. One particular poster was being downright skewered and accused of all kinds of things. When it came to light that these accusations were false there was no apology... at all.... Even after another poster tried to defend the person being attacked. Rather some more snarky comments about how men can be like that too. I'm starting a new thread because it would be off-topic there and besides, I believe that this is something that needs to be addressed and discussed.
I have done my share of offensiveness on these threads and even as laid back as I am, there have been times that my frustration came out when it shouldn't have. But one thing you will find about me is that when I am wrong, I will admit it, apologize and move on. Simply put, I don't see that happen in this folder and I wonder why? Is that not the biblical response? Can women not discuss things and disagree without burning each other at the stake? And when we do hurt each other, especially unjustly, can we not at least attempt to make amends? Is that not the biblical model?
I have to be honest, threads like that and ones I have followed in here have pretty much made me decide that this isn't (this particular folder) a place I want to be in. Most of you don't know me so you won't get how significant that statement is, but needless to say I am an extremely laid back person and it takes a LOT to get me upset and discouraged. But I'm there.
I know I will get attacked for this thread, but I also know there are a lot of hurting women on these boards who are either like me and simply don't want to listen to this kind of venem or who have been the victim of such venem so I feel it needs to be said.
I know many of you are wonderful, godly women. The only thing I ask is that we ALL take some time to look into our hearts and maybe humble ourselves and seek to build each other up and stop ripping each other to shreds.
I know this is unfair, but I'm deeply ashamed of my gender right now and now I think I finally get why I tend to gravitate to male dominated fields. Sometimes, I just don't like women.
Am I wrong?
Meant to say, some things in that thread made me want to cry for the other person (who was being attacked)...and usually I"m in a "it's just a forum and they don't know her" kind of attitude. But I think the truth is, no one wants to be accused of something they know they're not, esp. if it's that bad...and no one wants to feel ganged up on like that. Even though it's "just words" and just a forum, words can hurt a great deal. Being accused of malicious motives/thoughts hurts (when it's not true), and I don't think that most women here would hate to be judged like we sometimes do to each other.
But, like spitzu said, most of aren't like that. It happens way too much though. I think you either choose to take the good and the bad, or just leave altogether because of the bad. (I totally understand making either choice.)
_____________________________
For God, For Learning, Forever.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 2:33:54 AM
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nicole6598
Posts: 4074
Joined: 11/3/2006
From: Australia
Status: offline
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Sorry you have been hurt and feel that way.
It is shocking sometimes how people treat one another on here. I have had my fair share. It hurts.
I hope that we can all learn from these and become better people though.
_____________________________
Proud Aussie, Wife, Mother, Woman!
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 7:26:07 AM
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bootsNspurs_mod
Posts: 926
Joined: 1/24/2007
From: Wisconsin, but currently in the desert!
Status: offline
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You're right, phosy. And it's one of the reasons I don't post much in Womens Only. As a lurker in chat threads in here, I have seen it even in there. One specific instance I regret very much not saying something and speaking out. I think about it often, and it is one thing that makes me think twice before I post anything, even in the chat thread.
And you're right, phosy, something does need to be said.
_____________________________
You do well to believe in God. Satan also believes... and trembles.
James 2:19 paraphrased
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 7:44:23 AM
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Sideways
Posts: 3706
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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Well, I'll come out and say that I think I was one of the posters who made you upset, perhaps it was because I mistoke one poster for being a male instead of a female. I think I did apologize for that misunderstanding.
Everything else I said, I stand by.
I come from a family of very passionate debaters, and debate can get even harder when you can't see facial expressions or tone of voice. And certain topics raised in that thread I feel very passionate about.
I am sorry that you are upset and hurt. I've had some very hurtful things said to me by other women here at CW, so I've been on your side of the fence. In my case I settled on taking a break from CW and coming back with a new, more removed perspective.
I can't say I'm going to change who I am or what I believe, but I will try to look at my posts more from a strangers perspective, who can tell nothing more then the words on a screen, and see if there is a better way to make my point, especially considering they can't see my face or hear my voice.
< Message edited by Sideways -- 8/21/2008 8:08:03 AM >
_____________________________
This warranty does not include shark bites, bear attacks and children under five.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 7:54:52 AM
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cherish405
Posts: 32380
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: The Land Down Under
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PrincessButtercup
Yeah, there's been some mean things said on these forums before. Sometimes, it can be extremely harsh and uncalled for. I know that my feelings have been hurt because of such things, along with many others.
It shouldn't happen in a place full of Christians, but unfortunately, it does.
I have to agree. I know that I've been targeted in the past in the women's folder for something that was said in a different folder. I then became the subject.
I know of other women who have left CW because of things that were said to them.
I really think we all need to be careful of how we speak to each other. Apologise when we are wrong, and do it quickly. We are the body of Christ. People watch us, and if we are treating each other badly, then it's not a good witness and it won't win people to Christ. Not only that, but it just plain hurts.
_____________________________
*** Gone crazy. Back soon. ***
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 8:10:40 AM
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LaurainAL
Posts: 1266
Joined: 8/13/2005
Status: offline
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I mentioned this to DH the other night. If you want to survive here, you have to learn how to insult others in a passive-aggressive nature. Some posters are very good at staying with in the TOS but cutting someone to the core at the same time. It's not biblical y'all. We all need to read Matthew 18 and remind ourselves what Jesus himself said about handling conflict with our brothers and sisters in Christ.
I'm on a self imposed mini-break myself, but I like to come to CW and keep up with Erin and Donna or else I would be gone.
_____________________________
Life Trumps Choice
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 8:17:52 AM
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nicole6598
Posts: 4074
Joined: 11/3/2006
From: Australia
Status: offline
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Laura you got it in 1!! Some posters male and female walk that line so fine don't they, but they sure know how to hurt someone.
_____________________________
Proud Aussie, Wife, Mother, Woman!
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 8:28:13 AM
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lexie
Posts: 3039
Joined: 6/27/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline
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One thing the forums have taught me is we all really live in a bubble and have a hard time seeing things from other peoples perspectives. I don't blame people for that...how can one truly understand what it is like to be someone else? There have been many times where I've kept my thoughts to myself because I can't be bothered to get into debates with people who can't understand my perspective.
I hate being elsewhere in the forums and reading that people won't post in the Women's forums. I love coming in here and talking to other women, talking to other sahm's and seeing the Godly, womanly advice many women have to share. However, I do try to stay away from things that can blow up quickly because that was never my purpose of coming here.
I don't have a lot of close Christian women in my life...these forums are my fellowship. But I don't receive anything fruitful from when we are arguing (difference between debating) and when we refuse to see things from the other side. There is nothing wrong with having an opinion about something, but the opinions of people need to be respected. It's a rule for life no matter where you are. And it's unfortunate that people are scared off by us because there are a lot of great women and conversations here.
That being said, I honestly see this as a problem across the boards, not just in the Women's only folder. I've been hurt by other posters outside of this folder, and that's actually why I tend to stay here.
_____________________________
I want to be more than an ordinary servant.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 8:29:55 AM
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bluestone
Posts: 2934
Joined: 2/25/2008
From: United States of America
Status: offline
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Spot on, Phosy.
Heated debate is one thing, shredding people is another.
I avoid current events most of the time, since the attitude is you have to be a card carrying Republican who also hates McCain to get into heaven. People there are ruthless.
I have avoided women's folder simply because the attitude of many seems to be that if you decide to not stay at home, not give birth at home, not homeschool, have a career, be treated equally by your husband, you are headed to hell.
The impression I get is that if you don't have a "Little House on the Prairie" lifestyle, you really don't fit in and are probably outside of God's will.
I just don't have time to deal with it, and would be loaded with TOS violations if I did.
_____________________________
I need Christ. Not something that resembles Christ.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 8:34:42 AM
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HisCovenant
Posts: 4291
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LaurainAL
It's not biblical y'all.
I think this sums it up. We like to justify our behavior when instead we should be acting Christlike.
I haven't read the thread you are referring to, but I have seen this type of behavior among some women who regularly post in this folder. A few have been very hard to get along with, although two of those ladies are showing such maturity right now that I'm wondering if they are another poster using the same name. One of those ladies I have seen go through adversity recently and know the maturity isn't an act. The other I wil handle with kid gloves for a while yet. It is obvious that these ladies are growing in some measure, even if there is a relapse, and that's one thing that encourages me to keep posting in this folder. There are still others who I know to "ignore" because they are just immature and aggressive when they disagree with what you have said.
But I can understand a decision to not post in certain folders for the reasons you give. Personally, I stay out of the "spiritual folders" for the exact reasons you gave about staying out of this one.
_____________________________
-HisCovenant/ Zipporah
My friends call me Zippy!
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 8:48:06 AM
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cherish405
Posts: 32380
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: The Land Down Under
Status: offline
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quote:
Heated debate is one thing, shredding people is another.
I totally agree.
I also agree that it's not just the women's thread where problems occur. There are definitely folders I stay away from because I know that shredding goes on there.
_____________________________
*** Gone crazy. Back soon. ***
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 8:50:01 AM
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Sideways
Posts: 3706
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lexie
That being said, I honestly see this as a problem across the boards, not just in the Women's only folder. I've been hurt by other posters outside of this folder, and that's actually why I tend to stay here.
I agree with this. I actually see Women's as one of the safer areas on the board.
Some people will get hurt simply because you have a different opinion, one you feel very strongly about. Some people will feel you are tearing them to shreds, just because you express yourself in less then a sugary-sweet manner.
And sometimes people are unnecessarily harsh and cruel. It can often be a very fine line to walk, and I don't believe that being a Christian means that we always agree and walk in perfect harmony. One person's disagreeing can be another's tearing to shreds, depending on perspective.
But I do have sympathy with those who've been hurt by others on CW. I've been there, and I worked through it.
_____________________________
This warranty does not include shark bites, bear attacks and children under five.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 8:57:03 AM
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Memaw.
Posts: 2369
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Sunflower State
Status: offline
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quote:
extreme feminism
I read the thread in question last night and this is the thought I had about it as well.
Why is it that when someone disagrees with a certain way we think, they are automatically labeled as wrong or in need of repentance or somehow sick in their thoughts?
Ladies, if we are intending on spending eternity together, we better get our acts together here on earth.
Matthew 7:2 NLT
2 For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged.
_____________________________
"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction.
Every generation has to learn how to protect and defend it, or it's gone
and gone for a long, long time."
Ronald Reagan
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 9:00:30 AM
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Miss Giggles
Posts: 4268
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: MI
Status: online
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quote:
Why is it that when someone disagrees with a certain way we think, they are automatically labeled as wrong or in need of repentance or somehow sick in their thoughts?
Good question. I don't know why people do it.
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I know I will take a ton of flack for posting this (and I knew that before I hit the post button), but I prayed about posting it and I really believe it needed to be said. 
