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When breast WASN'T best - 10/23/2007 6:38:44 AM
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manda59
Posts: 5705
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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Did breast-feeding just not work out for you?
Did you just not like it?
Were there particular problems that you found made things just too difficult?
Did you feel, and/or were you made to feel guilty for not breastfeeding at all/beyond a certain point?
(Note: yes of course breast milk is what is best for babies for a whole variety of reasons, not the least being the antibodies it provides. This is not intended to be a debate thread - rather a sharing and support thread for those mums for whom breastfeeding just didn't work out or wasn't an option.)
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 10/23/2007 8:46:14 AM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10233
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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Did breast-feeding just not work out for you?
With my first...no, it just didn't work.
Did you just not like it?
I liked it, but not enough to fight him to continue.
Were there particular problems that you found made things just too difficult?
I had to go back to work (and when I say I HAD to, I mean I had no choice in the matter if I wanted bills paid and food on the table). He quickly decided he preferred the bottle and my job did not allow time for regular pumping.
Did you feel, and/or were you made to feel guilty for not breastfeeding at all/beyond a certain point?
No one made me feel guilty, but I did feel that way for a while. It was just too much pressure in my life at that time. He was also a very sick baby and toddler, and I always wonder if it would have helped if I had continued to nurse him.
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your faithfulness reaches to the skies.
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 10/23/2007 9:19:04 AM
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lexie
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Did breast-feeding just not work out for you?
I breastfed Akeelah for the first two months then switched to formula. It felt as if I didn't have enough for her. She would eat off of both breasts and still cry for hunger (in the beginning she would eat off only one and be satisfied for hours). She would continue sucking even though it felt like I had nothing, and when she did that she was sucking harder than normal. It hurt and was very difficult.
Did you just not like it?
I'll put it this way. I didn't like it enough to press on through the troubles we were having. I was a formula fed baby so I wasn't against formula (I wasn't against breast either though). There were days where I would go out and not see anyone or do anyone because she would want to feed every hour. That was hard for me.
Were there particular problems that you found made things just too difficult?
Oh, see the first answer.
Did you feel, and/or were you made to feel guilty for not breastfeeding at all/beyond a certain point?
No one in particular made me feel guilty, but I think the attitude of some people in society made me feel bad (when you turn on the tv or read in the paper people talking about how only breast is good for your child, and your doing them a disservice for giving them formula). People would say that breastfeeding is a bonding experience, but I found Akeelah and I bonded more during the bottle feeding. She would look up at me with those big brown eyes and stare into my eyes the entire time as well as wrap her hands around my fingers.
Now I don't feel guilty when I look at Akeelah. She is thriving. She has hit every milestone either on time or early. She is in the 75th percentile for height and about the same for weight. As well, she has not been sick yet. What I thought was a cold turned out to be a runny nose for one day. Other than that she was her same happy self. I don't look back and think I made a wrong decision (I know all that isn't from giving her formula, but it's one of the many decisions I made that play a role in how she is today).
I will breastfeed my future children and while I won't give it up easily I certainly won't be adverse to switching to formula again if I have to.
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 10/23/2007 11:16:50 AM
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Mrs.X
Posts: 2665
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: Newberg, OR
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Did breast-feeding just not work out for you?
With my first, my breasts just didn't work right. I like to say they were defective, so God exchanged them for me.
Did you just not like it?
I liked it, but I hated that Timmy would scream for more and nothing would come out...I couldn't get a second letdown.
Were there particular problems that you found made things just too difficult?
I HAD to go back to work, and it started getting busy there to the point where I couldn't pump, or I would always get interrupted. Slowly but surely, my supply decreased. He began formula at 4 months, and was fully formula fed by 7 months. I didn't keep myself well hydrated then either, and I was stressed because of a bad marriage, and I did exessive exercise at work.
Did you feel, and/or were you made to feel guilty for not breastfeeding at all/beyond a certain point?
I felt guilty, but no one made me feel that way. My mom was really encouraging. My MIL tried to make me feel guilty for not giving formula sooner. Timmy still had good weight gain back then even though he was still hungry all the time. It didn't matter to me that he was hitting his milestones or had OK weight gain. I didn't want my baby to feel hungry.
I tried everything to make it work, pumping, herbs, tea, medication. But, none of that matters when you bring all the problems I had into the mix.
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From Sweet Grass to the Packin' House
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 10/23/2007 11:36:19 AM
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zoebob
Posts: 8823
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From: land of limbo
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Did breast-feeding just not work out for you?
Not at all for DD1 or completely for DS. (DD2 was great though)
Did you just not like it?
Well, I never really enjoyed it but that's not why I didn't do it.
Were there particular problems that you found made things just too difficult?
With DD1 she just absolutely refused the breats from the beginning. She did have a bottle the first night at the hospital because she was born at 1 AM and I didn't have BFing support there when she was born. My MIL didn't BF and my mom didn't get there till DD had already gone to the nursery. I tried for a few weeks to pump and feed it to her but never get into a good routine. When she refused initially I then pumped it and gave it in a bottle. Then I didn't have anything to pump till she was hungry again so I spent several weeks pumping as she sat and cried in hunger. Eventually switched to forumula: soy.
DS I wasn't making enough and he just wasn't gaining any weight. The doctor really tried to help make it work. Suggested making him try every couple hours to get my supply up. However, after about 4 weeks of really trying to improve I started supplimenting. He was solely BF for maybe 2 months and by 9 months or so was exclusivelly formula. If I had the support of everyone here I MAY have been able to make it work.
Did you feel, and/or were you made to feel guilty for not breastfeeding at all/beyond a certain point?
No, with the babies who didn't nurse I lived near my inlaws who weren't big BFing advocates. I think in part because if I nursed MIL couldn't feed the baby.
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L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 10/23/2007 11:37:04 AM
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Hazel2
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With Claire, we were separated for three days when she was just two days old because I was in ICU. She was a very hungry baby and had tons of formula in those few days ... by the time we were reunited, she'd made up her mind about the benefits of the bottle and that syrupy sweet formula. My supply wasn't good, as you can imagine ... I tried desperately to improve it with pumping, frequent nursing, mother's tea, and anything else recommended to me. But still, I was never a strong producer. I fought her for four months, insisting that she nurse. One day, after a twenty minute argument over it with her in the middle of the night, I just said "okay, we're done". I was sad, but relieved, too.
Avery isn't a strong nurser ... it takes her quite a while to latch on and her latch isn't good. I had blisters and sores on my nipples for the first two weeks and nearly quit. Now we are in a pretty good nursing groove, but she drains me and then takes four to six ounces of formula! I don't think I could keep up with her, but honestly, I haven't tried. I like DH to be able to make up a bottle and feed her and I'm not as stressed out about nursing this go around. It makes little difference to me if she only gets breastmilk or if she has that plus formula. My intent with Claire was that she get nothing but breastmilk for 12 months ... my goal for Avery is to give her as much as I can while maintaining my sanity, avoiding pumps, getting some sleep and not having my nipples gummed off. I hope to do this until she is six months or until she gets teeth, whichever comes last.
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 10/23/2007 1:55:10 PM
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Sideways
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Hazel2
My intent with Claire was that she get nothing but breastmilk for 12 months ... my goal for Avery is to give her as much as I can while maintaining my sanity, avoiding pumps, getting some sleep and not having my nipples gummed off.
If I could ask, Hazel, why did you put so much intense pressure on yourself about Claire? I felt bad when I had to start giving Nathan some solids at 4.5 months, but what led you to believe it had to be exclusively breast milk for a full year?
At any rate, many kuddos to you for making a decision that was best for both you and your baby.
My coworker's wife had a massive guilt trip laid on her when she couldn't exclusively breast feed infant twins. I think she deserves a medal for even doing 50% breast feeding while trying to care for two babies.
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 10/23/2007 2:32:01 PM
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Auben
Posts: 1636
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From: Where pines tower and cranberries float
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quote:
Did breast-feeding just not work out for you?
It never has completely.
quote:
Did you just not like it?
I didn't dislike it. There were moments of intense pain and exhaustion where I was so angry with my body and my child, but the process itself seems fairly wonderful and natural to me.
quote:
Were there particular problems that you found made things just too difficult?
Yes, I have (based on my own study and deduction) hormonal problems with breast milk production. I can produce breast milk, just not more than half an ounce under the best conditions (and no more than a sip or two under the worst). I came completely sold to breastfeeding and sure that if I just fed often and didn't give in to a bottle I would be just fine. I was so sure that my first son (who was born 3 weeks early) was nearly taken away from me and hospitalized because he was diagnosed failure to thrive by our pediatrician. He went from 6lb10oz (a good size for a preemie) to 4lb10oz in a week.
I was forced to bottle-feed to keep my child, but I still wanted to breastfeed. Working with a lactation consultant ("Every woman can breastfeed if they try hard enough. You just need to try harder.") I rented a hospital pump and spent the next 2 months nursing, bottle feeding, pumping, nursing, bottle feeding, pumping. I honestly never left the couch when my husband was at work, not even to use the toilet. By the 3rd month my colicky son would cry if he even saw me unbuttoning my shirt. I was crying all the time. My husband convinced me that I needed to stop for my own sanity.
With my second child I tried a greater variety of herbs to help. Same result. I quit earlier (6 weeks) because the experience with my first son was still painful.
My third child was the most successful. I found an online group (Mothers and Others with Breastfeeding Issues/MOBI) and felt less alone. I nursed before every bottle until he was 10 months old (he self weaned from breast and bottle @10-11 months). I felt really good about that. This was my heaviest output child. At 10 months I could pump .5 ounce. With my other children I couldn't get above .25 ounce.
My fourth was similar but not as successful. He liked bottles better and he slept through the night earlier.
quote:
Did you feel, and/or were you made to feel guilty for not breastfeeding at all/beyond a certain point?
Yes. My first lactation consultant was downright cruel and I stopped taking her calls. Even helpful people seemed to have this feeling that if I just tried harder/longer/did____ I would be able to breastfeed. If I had a dollar for everyone who's told me I just needed to nurse more  I could have paid for every can of formula I've ever bought. I'm tired of hearing people talk about lazy people who bottle feed and how much smarter/healthy/loved their breastfed kids are.
Things are a lot better now. Somehow, when you're not currently nursing or have had multiple children 'prove' your problem people take your word at face value. They don't attempt to fix your problem by giving a lot of obvious advice or make odd comments. Most people are genuinely kind, even very militant bfers.
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Tamara
~Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time~
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 10/23/2007 2:41:44 PM
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reach
Posts: 1336
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My girlfriend had the same problem. Her milk just never came in. And she did everything, because she want to bf. It just did not work and the stress was horrible on her and baby.
She did not even try with second.
Now I warn people that it may not work, so be prepared in case it does not work. It is not worth the stress.
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 10/23/2007 3:45:00 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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quote:
Now I warn people that it may not work, so be prepared in case it does not work. It is not worth the stress.
Somehow it seems that unless you personally have breastfed, you don't really have any place making that statement. Sure, sometimes it doesn't work due to medical reasons but more often then not there is a real reason that milk production doesn't work.
Thyroid problems are a big one that most people don't get checked but they can cause really back supply issues. I've had supply issues and latch issues and NICU/Preemie(even though she was technically full term at 37 weeks) issues but we are STILL nursing.
Personally, I don't have any problem with woman who have a valid reason to not bf using formula, it's ignorance about the issues that bother me.
Back to the OP....
I am nursing almost exclusively now but DD was hospitalized at 4 days old for severe jaundice and we did stop nursing for 3 days. It was either give her formula or have an IV line placed and to me and DH it was definitely nicer(for all involved) to just give her bottle. As a result we went through a 24 hour total nursing strike and are still using a nipple shield to nurse.
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Ryanne
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 10/23/2007 3:52:39 PM
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reach
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Yes, I don't expect my friends to really listen to me, as I don't have kids. Thre are areas that I see that I would do different, but they aren't my kids.
But I do give advice because I have been around babies a lot.
It is more things like, you may want to at least buy a bottle, and have the supplies, just in case. Because, as a new mom, you don't want to run to the store to get this stuff after just having a baby.
My friend has bf, but I bought her the bottle. She was happy to have it. She did not have to stress when that time came along.
< Message edited by reach -- 10/23/2007 4:02:43 PM >
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 10/23/2007 4:57:28 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3197
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey
Thyroid problems are a big one that most people don't get checked but they can cause really back supply issues.
Really? I didn't know that. I've had thyroid problems since college, and was constantly monitored during pregnancy. I just had my Levothroid dosage increased after my last blood draw. Haven't had any supply problems, though. Wonder if that's related to Nathan's sour tummy issues?
I think every pregnant woman should have her thyroid levels checked in the first trimester of pregnancy. Thyroid problems are the most preventable cause of mental retardation.
Back to topic: I admit I was a little bummed when my SIL was completely formula feeding both her girls by 10 weeks old, as she'd wanted to nurse. But since her qualifications as a mom have zilch to do with her feeding methods, why mess with the would'ves/should'ves/could'ves?
Implying that a new mom could've BF'ed if only she'd tried harder/been a more devoted mother, seems like the height of bad manners to me.
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 10/23/2007 5:28:41 PM
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violetlight
Posts: 390
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From: sunny california =)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
Did breast-feeding just not work out for you?
Did you just not like it?
Were there particular problems that you found made things just too difficult?
Did you feel, and/or were you made to feel guilty for not breastfeeding at all/beyond a certain point?
1. Yes, it did not work out for me.
2. I had no issue with it per se, but my breasts did...(see #3)
3. Yes, mainly that I found I couldn't produce enough milk. I tried as hard as I could but my body never did produce enough to breast feed my daughter exclusively. I even tried pumping, to no avail. I ended up breastfeeding for about 3 months, with formula supplements, before switching to formula only.
4. No one ever made me feel guilty, but I did go through an awful period of guilt that I put on myself. I just felt that I was failing my daughter somehow, and not giving her the best start in life. I ended up being really choosy about formula in an attempt to "make up" to her..but now I realize she is absolutely fine, healthy and strong, and I have no reason to feel guilty. It just didn't work out for me. I do want to have another baby, God permitting, and I will probably try to breastfeed again (just in case anything's changed :) but I'm not going to sweat it if it doesn't work out.
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 10/24/2007 10:39:51 AM
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Auben
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From my research the two biggest physical problems to interfere with breastfeeding are thyroid disorders and PCOs. EVEN SO, not all women with thyroid problems or PCOs will have breastfeeding problems. Most will only have normal difficulties and be able to persevere.
There are a few studies on this from both a medical and midwife view so it's fairly well documented.
Still, after all my problems, I wouldn't recommend that someone assume that bfing won't work. Even if mom and grandma couldn't bf you. Even if your sisters can't. Even if you have a hormonal disorder. Chances are still good that you will be able to if you are committed to trying.
My sister had all the reason in the world not to try. My mom and grandmother said they couldn't (although I'm a bit suspicious). I couldn't and we're both very alike physically. I kept encouraging her and she did wonderfully. She had a ton of milk. Her daughter had latching issues and eventually they pumped/did bottles but she bf more than a year. I was really proud of her.
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Tamara
~Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time~
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 10/24/2007 11:53:18 AM
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Mrs.Wifey
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I have PCOS and it's been blamed for my supply issues, I need have my thyroid tested at my next pp checkup. Even with supply issues we've been able to almost exclusively breastfeed, but it's not been emotionally easy or stress free. However, I know that it is best for DD and we'll keep at it until she's probably 6 months old, it is stressful and it gets hard to persevere but every day we get closer to 6 months 
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 10/24/2007 1:40:30 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3197
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Auben
Chances are still good that you will be able to if you are committed to trying.
I think what ticks some women off, is the implication that they weren't committed enough if they did try BFing and it didn't work out.
All of us here are committed to giving good care to our babies, and all of who tried BFing had different levels of challenges. How easy can it be to listen to your child scream in hunger, and have a bottle sitting in the other room?
But I'd never tell a woman that BFing didn't work out for her simply because she didn't try hard enough.
I would support her as long as she wanted to continue, but when my SIL said that her baby was on 100% formula by 2 months, I simply said "okay", then continued on with a different topic of conversation.
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 10/24/2007 1:45:15 PM
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LaurainAL
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quote:
Implying that a new mom could've BF'ed if only she'd tried harder/been a more devoted mother, seems like the height of bad manners to me.
I couldn't have said it better.
Someone said that they don't have a problem with a Mom choosing to give her baby a bottle if it were for a valid reason. What is a valid reason(s)?
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 10/24/2007 2:05:08 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LaurainAL
quote:
Implying that a new mom could've BF'ed if only she'd tried harder/been a more devoted mother, seems like the height of bad manners to me.
I couldn't have said it better.
Someone said that they don't have a problem with a Mom choosing to give her baby a bottle if it were for a valid reason. What is a valid reason(s)?
I think that was me
1) Lack of knowledge or support, while this might not seem like a valid reason, I think in alot of cases it is. I know if I didn't have the support of my lovely DH and mother(who never bf, all 6 of us were formula babies) and the knowledge of the ladies here and my LC there is no way I would still be bf'ing.
2) A real medical condition that-
a) causes lack of milk supply(thyroid, PCOS, severe anemia)
b) requires medication that is not compatible with bf'ing
c) severe PPD that is made worse by bf'ing
3) A work schedule that is not compatible with pumping. My SIL *has* to work 40 hours a week and she doesn't work in an environment that is conducive to being able to pump.
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 10/24/2007 4:01:01 PM
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ChelseaRae
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quote:
ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
I don't think it's commitment, I think it's knowledge...good, firm, CORRECT knowledge is what we need to be passing on from one to another. Passing on wrong information is detrimental to those that hear it if they believe it. NOT passing on good information is just as detrimental for those that need it and never hear it.
I agree. I think that commitment does have something to do with it, I was determined to nurse my baby, I was willing to do whatever it took to make it work, but at the same time if I didn't have such a wonderful supportive husband, my best friend living with us who helped with meals and house stuff, and a mother and mil who stayed and helped I don't know if I would have been able to stick with it. Mary did get a few bottles of formula about a week after she was born because my milk hadn't come in and she was getting really mad, it took a lot of work to get her off of those and I couldn't have done it myself!
quote:
1) Lack of knowledge or support, while this might not seem like a valid reason, I think in alot of cases it is. I know if I didn't have the support of my lovely DH and mother(who never bf, all 6 of us were formula babies) and the knowledge of the ladies here and my LC there is no way I would still be bf'ing.
exactly! I think there is a lot of mom's out there who just don't know much about breastfeeding, they don't realize how much LCs can help, it makes me sad to hear moms say things like "I didn't have enough milk" or "my baby was too hungry and my body couldn't keep up" I know that it is true for some people but I don't think a lot of those moms know that supply is directly related to how much their babies nurse, they don't realize that to get more milk they have to let their babies nurse more. There is a huge push to make sure you baby is on a schedule (I get asked if Mary is on a schedule all the time...) and for most bf babies it just doesn't work that way!
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 10/24/2007 4:43:30 PM
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10SNE1?
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Did breast-feeding just not work out for you?
Don't know if I would say " it didn't work out", but I bf'ed 3 out of the 4 for only about 3 months each and chose to bottlefed one of my kids from birth
Did you just not like it?
With my first child, no, I really just didn't like it at all. My husband and I were both still in college when she was born and trying to finish on schedule. It was very stressful trying to pump enough milk so I could leave her with him in order to attend class and study. ( and no, it never crossed my mind at the time or since then that I shouldn't finish college). My experience with number one was so bad ( see question below on guilt) that I decided to just bottle feed baby number 2 from the beginning. By the time I had babies 3 and 4, I was living the SAH suburban mom life and decided to try bfing again. I lasted a few couple months with each one. I just wasn't a stay-at-home SAHM and my experience with Bfing in public wasn't great. Honestly, I didn't need advice on being "modest". I was the type to say " Hey buddy, this is what God made 'em for so deal with it!"  Of course this wasn't really acceptable and I tried to get the hang of the covering up thing. But, I guess it just annoyed me so much that I never really tried that hard. All in all, I never agreed with people who claimed that it was "easier" to go out with a Bfing baby. Tossing a bottle in the diaper bag seemed fairly easy to me
Were there particular problems that you found made things just too difficult?
Not really, at the end of the day I just didn't think it was that big of a deal. I never even entertained the idea that I would bf past the age when my child could drink enough out of a cup. I believe that bfing beyond that age is all about mom's needs, sorry, just my opinion.
Did you feel, and/or were you made to feel guilty for not breastfeeding at all/beyond a certain point?
With my first two, oh my goodness, let me tell you!
The La Leche League owned that town  . Honestly, I think it was because it was a college town and you had all these frustrated, highly educated women who didn't have enough to do so they considered themselves "Professional Mothers". Nazi is not too strong a word for them. Some of these women would actually dissolve "friendships" over this issue. It was crazy. When I stopped bfing my daughter at four months I cried tears of relief at home and tears of the loneliness born of judgementalness at the "mommy and me" groups. I can joke about it now but it was horrible at the time. To this day, I will warn young mothers about getting too cozy with LLL. I was that impacted by their attitudes.
Now I don't think all chapters are like that and I do think that "professor wife" factor was huge in many aspects of parenting in that town. It was like a constant Mommy Olympics with events such as: Making Your Own Baby Food, Organic Co-oping, Teaching Your Child to Read before Potty Training
When I was pregnant the second time ( still living there, hubby was teaching at the university) I decided that I just couldn't go though all that again and I decided to bottle fed from the beginning. Of course there was the intital shocked reaction from the same certain people but I now had a very healthy, robust 2 year old who had been bottle-fed since four months of age. And with baby number two, you just care less about what others think.
I do wonder if my son and I would have had a nice few months of bfing if those women hadn't been so nasty and just turned me off of the whole idea. But, today, ds is a nice, big, strong 22 year old college senior who makes the Dean's list. And he loves his mama just like any cherished only son. Can't say that bottle hurt him at all.
My younger two dds, I nursed for about 3 months each. It was ok and then I just got tired of it. I had older kids, places to go, was volunteering at their school and our church and I needed my sleep.
And I have an awesome husband who didn't mind working all day and then taking a turn with the middle of the night feedings. For our family, it was just best. My neighbors at this point were much less judgemental. They understood that you just do what you need to do. I loved that neighborhood, we were all young parents just trying to do our best. We understood what real "support' means. It doesn't mean presumming to "educated" and provide enough "correct information" until everyone choses to parent just like you.
Love the thread Manda! Balance is a beautiful thing!! 
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 10/24/2007 4:52:19 PM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 10743
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: Between Hither and Yon
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