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What am I doing? - 9/13/2008 12:08:20 AM
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Hephzibah610
Posts: 40
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Hi,
I am new to homeschooling and we have been going for 2 weeks now. I have a ds who is 12 and because of certain circumstances at his school we decided it might be best to homeschool him. I had my doubts that I could do homeschool because of my perfectionism (fear of failure). I had always thought that if I home-schooled, I would make an enemy of my kid(s). After 2 weeks, I am beginning to wonder if I am right. If those who questioned my ability to do this were seeing what I had feared all along...that I was unable to do this.
I feel like we are just floundering along. My husband has been teaching the math. I don't have a certain "curriculum" as I had heard that many times when you are first starting you buy a bunch of curriculum only to find that you don't use it as much as you would have liked. I am trying to stick to the basics...reading, writing (and the math that my husband teaches). The problem for me is I cannot judge how much he is learning.
He seems to be reading some (without a lot of coaxing). I have tried to use some of the online programs for writing (since he finds writing distasteful.) I am looking at what we have done in the past 2 weeks and wondering if we are beginning to make any progress at all. I keep getting anxious and my stress comes out at my ds...not in anger but frustration (and fear). I feel like someone put me out in the middle of a desert and told me to find water...I don't know what direction to go and I am beginning to get desperate.
Some people have asked me if I am in a support group. I decided that I didn't want to join a homeschool support group because often times when I have been around some of the people in these groups they seem to have so many ideas that it confuses me and creates anxiety. I am easily overwhelmed.
I don't know where to go from here. I am wondering if I am cut out for this, seriously. I don't want to make an enemy out of my ds...we've had such a good relationship so far. It's so hard to "relax" and I've had some symptoms of anxiety.
I'm not sure what I am asking here. I guess I need some encouragement and prayer. Also, is there a way to make it simple? Are there free curriculums out there (or samples) or some "black and white" ideas of simple homeschooling. What might a week look like for a 6th grade boy? Also, he asked to have violin lessons and they are very pricey. We are willing to pay for them if he is willing to practice but each time I mention that he needs to practice, although he does it, he seems to push against me. He doesn't seem to like anyone telling him what to do. He wants to do the things he likes and tries to avoid anything he doesn't like. This makes it difficult for both of us.
Thanks for any thoughts (and especially your prayers for wisdom from God.)
_____________________________
Micah 6:8 He has told you, O man, what is good ; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justice, to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God ?
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RE: What am I doing? - 9/13/2008 1:10:13 AM
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Jenny-Fair
Posts: 6288
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: WA
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I'm a perfectionist, too. You have to deal with that part of your personality whether you homeschool or not, so there's no need to quite homeschooling.
Are you trying to duplicate school in your home? Most new homeschoolers do, and it's a huge source of burnout.
Also, if you have NO curriculum, you will feel like you are floundering.
Have you written up your goals and theories regarding homeschooling, and why you are doing this? Without getting that down and firm, you will spend each day wondering what you are up to.
I have a 12 yo boy, too! He'll be 13 next month, actually. He's in 7th this year. What grade is your son in?
_____________________________
Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
My Blog
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RE: What am I doing? - 9/13/2008 1:25:14 AM
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Hephzibah610
Posts: 40
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Hi Jenny-Fair
I don't think I am trying to duplicate school...but perhaps so since that is the main experience I have had with school. I do have goals written up but I guess they are not real clear to me. I think I may need to re-write my thoughts/goals and keep it in a prominent place so I can check myself on it from time to time. I didn't go out and buy curriculum. I have bought books but many of them we have not even opened yet. In fact most of them. Mostly I had him read and we discussed. I wanted to ease into it so we started with an easy book "the Mouse and the Motorcycle" and there was a unit study on it on line that I used. We visited a Harley Davidson shop and checked out the motorcycles. He also did a little English study on line, some typing, lifeskills. We went to the store and I began to teach him about getting the most for your money. He helped estimate how much we were spending (only 50 cents off!). Somehow, though, I keep getting this nagging feeling that we are going to miss something.
My son is in 6th grade, we decided to put him in school later because of some trouble with his speech.
What does your week look like?
_____________________________
Micah 6:8 He has told you, O man, what is good ; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justice, to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God ?
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RE: What am I doing? - 9/13/2008 1:40:38 AM
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Jenny-Fair
Posts: 6288
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: WA
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quote:
What does your week look like?
Nothing at all like yours does, I am sure! LOL
Right now I am unemployed (normally I work full-time). Unfortunately, Nate is NOT unemployed and has been working 4 to 6 hours a day. This is his last week of that, thank goodness. We have also been doing his standardized test this week, with no other schooling.
But on a 'normal' week, Nate does work in Key to books (math booklets) 3 to 5 days a week, two to four pages each day. He is also working on Teaching Textbooks Math 7 several days a week, but it isn't really normal to be doing two math programs at once (he just needed some extra challenging in that area). My plan for this fall is doing spelling one day a week and grammar four days a week, in very small bits. A couple books with literature units to go with them. I have a typing program I want him to work through, and a music theory program.
We have been watching Engineering an Empire DVDs and they have spurred some history studies on Carthage and some other nations.
We are using an 'Art to Zoo' unit study on the presidential election process for social studies, since I thought it was timely.
Nate has two science books he dabbles in, Botany and Astronomy. We also go to various lectures and events as they come up and look interesting.
This is a pretty heavy load for us. My two were never in public school (my 15 yo is this semester as he's staying with his dad) and so we never had to de-school, but you might need to do some of that. It's hard for a child to adjust from being made to learn to desiring and enjoying learning. It's also hard for a publicly-schooled mom to see education in a different way from what she's used to.
Your library will probably have a book called 'Real-life Homeschooling' and I would recommend reading it.
_____________________________
Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
My Blog
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RE: What am I doing? - 9/13/2008 7:55:56 AM
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misaham
Posts: 740
Joined: 10/27/2007
From: Just west of Cleveland, OH
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I think is tough to judge "how much" they are learning, unless they do a worksheet or something each day or once a week, and get a grade on it. But when I stopped thinking in public school terms (my only experience when I was in school), I began to see that they are learning so much. And right from the start both of my kids told me that they were learning way more than they did in school. (Not sure how much I can take that statement literally, but I was challenging them more than the school did.)
We started without a "packaged" curriculum, but used a variety of separate things. I still felt that I was kinda floundering, but we did okay. This year we are using a more scheduled curriculum, but not one based on workbooks and textbooks, as that is not how my kids learn best (esp. my son). Lots of people can work without one (a packaged curriculum), but I prefer the having a schedule laid out for me. I am making lots of changes to make it fit us better, but at least I have a starting point. That works best for me.
I tend to stress about the "how much" factor, but when I stop and let my instincts take over, I realize that they are doing just fine.
Keep at it! Homeschooling is an advneture, and can be ovewhelming, but the rewards are great!
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RE: What am I doing? - 9/13/2008 4:42:09 PM
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cindybode
Posts: 1546
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Northwest PA
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Hephzibah610
I wanted to ease into it so we started with an easy book "the Mouse and the Motorcycle" and there was a unit study on it on line that I used. We visited a Harley Davidson shop and checked out the motorcycles. He also did a little English study on line, some typing, lifeskills. We went to the store and I began to teach him about getting the most for your money. He helped estimate how much we were spending (only 50 cents off!). Somehow, though, I keep getting this nagging feeling that we are going to miss something.
Really, you sound like you're doing fine. You've only been doing this for 2 weeks! Give yourself a break here. Think of homeschooling as you think of anything else you've started - a job or a new skill. Did you know everything there was to know about it inside of 2 weeks? I doubt it. It's going to take awhile before you feel comfortable and settle into something that you and your son both like. That's ok.
The hardest thing to do is to readjust your own perception of what education is. Most professional educators consider the child an empty file cabinet, into which as many facts as possible must be crammed. I consider education to be helping the child to figure out what his God given gifts and abilities are, and then helping him to develop them.
You are going to miss something. Accept it. No one learns everything. Music majors usually don't take advanced calculus, and they survive just fine. Ask a doctor if he ever studied art history, and most will tell you no, because most of his education was concentrated in math and science. I could go on and on, but you get the point. So, what's the worst that will happen if you skip over something your son later finds out he needs to know? He'll have to go back and study it. That's it. The world will not end. There is no time limit on learning, and most of us know at least a few people who totally changed careers in their 30's or 40's and had to go back and study things they'd never done the first time around. It happens all the time.
I honestly don't know how to help you with your anxiety - I am not an anxious person, and I won't pretend to understand your feelings. It takes an awful lot to overwhelm me. It might help to have some concrete, easily measured goals for the week, though. Not "improve math skills," but "understand how to add fractions by Friday" or whatever. It also sounds like prepackaged curriculum, at least in a few core subjects, might help you. I just don't know if it would work for your son.
_____________________________
If you lock in any creature, from rats to chickens to pigs to people, 10 to 30 or more in a box and force feed them you'll create little monsters. Confinement Education School Operations (CESOs) just don't compare to naturally pastured free-ranged kids.
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RE: What am I doing? - 9/14/2008 9:08:10 PM
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Auben
Posts: 1612
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Where pines tower and cranberries float
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You can't fail in 2 weeks, don't worry.
I think this is telling you that your personality needs something a bit more structured then what you have right now.
If you're looking to set some goals for your child, I thought Borg Hendrickson's How to Write a Low-Cost/No-cost Curriculum for Your Homeschooled Child was helpful. It takes you through some questions to find out what you think is important and what you'd like to teach (in addition to general study). It may also be helpful to read something like Rebecca Rupp's Home Learning Year by Year. That can give you some ideas of what is generally appropriate for his age.
I threw together my own curriculum for the first 2 years. This year I have 3 children at home so it's more comfortable for me to buy a few books with scheduled lessons for my children. I did a lot of reading online and chose language/writing, math, and history texts. Then I made the decision to study physical science through inventors and scientists.
Whatever you decide it sounds like it would be a good idea to include your son in the planning. He can help choose subjects and plan work.
< Message edited by Auben -- 9/15/2008 10:15:57 AM >
_____________________________
Tamara
~Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time~
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RE: What am I doing? - 9/14/2008 9:09:23 PM
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Auben
Posts: 1612
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Where pines tower and cranberries float
Status: offline
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BTW, both those books are available at many libraries...if only through inter-library loan.
_____________________________
Tamara
~Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time~
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RE: What am I doing? - 9/16/2008 4:27:56 PM
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shadowspring
Posts: 1626
Joined: 5/27/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
I feel like we are just floundering along. My husband has been teaching the math. I don't have a certain "curriculum" as I had heard that many times when you are first starting you buy a bunch of curriculum only to find that you don't use it as much as you would have liked. I am trying to stick to the basics...reading, writing (and the math that my husband teaches). The problem for me is I cannot judge how much he is learning.
He seems to be reading some (without a lot of coaxing). I have tried to use some of the online programs for writing (since he finds writing distasteful.) I am looking at what we have done in the past 2 weeks and wondering if we are beginning to make any progress at all. I keep getting anxious and my stress comes out at my ds...not in anger but frustration (and fear). I feel like someone put me out in the middle of a desert and told me to find water...I don't know what direction to go and I am beginning to get desperate.
Aubens got some great advice. 
I bought a packaged set my first year and used it exclusively. I too was overwhelmed with all the choices and opinions out there, so my plan was to pick ONE vendor with a solid reputation (BJUPRESS for me, but could be any one of many).
Then I put my head down and charged into the school year, not looking to the right or to the left to see what other people were doing.
I used the teacher's guide every day, even though veteran home schoolers told me they were a waste of money. Some of the teaching tips were great; some bombed with my student. But they taught me how to teach, and how to "read" my student's learning style.
The next year I bought the package and the teacher's guides again. I skipped the teaching tips that I knew wouldn't work with my student.
The third year I did not buy the teacher's guides.  At that point it would have been an unnecessary expenditure. But the first year, they were worth their weight in gold!
Don't know if my example will help you any, but I hope it might.
By the way, this is my 13th year homeschooling. My oldest is a freshman in college. I buy curriculum form many vendors now, different for each subject, and sometimes write my own course. But I don't think I would have even stuck it out the first year, if I hadn't put my head down and charged ahead with the packaged set with teacher's guides.
_____________________________
"Blessed is the man...whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law meditates day and night. He will be like a tree planted by rivers of water..." from Psalm 1
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RE: What am I doing? - 9/20/2008 8:20:17 AM
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Hephzibah610
Posts: 40
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Thanks for your encouragement and advice...I will check into those books mentioned. Sometimes just hearing someone say "you can do it" or "you are doing fine, don't worry," is a big help... I've never really believed in myself...but am finding that as I depend more and more on the LORD to lead me, I will do fine. Like Paul said in the Bible; quote:
"2Cor !2:9. And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."
I am choosing to believe that what God asks me to do, He will empower me to do. Thank you again for all of your encouragement, I appreciate it.
_____________________________
Micah 6:8 He has told you, O man, what is good ; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justice, to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God ?
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RE: What am I doing? - 9/20/2008 10:21:50 AM
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sen10tious
Posts: 349
Joined: 4/11/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Hephzibah610
He doesn't seem to like anyone telling him what to do. He wants to do the things he likes and tries to avoid anything he doesn't like.
Well, I see you have discovered that you son is a normal member of the human race! I am not sure if such likes and dislikes put us in good company or in bad company, but I do know it is a very, very large company!
You Can do it! — because as you are realizing, what God asks you to do, He will empower you to do.
You are doing fine! — This is evident because, even though you do not have all your answers yet, after only a few weeks you are already seeking for curricula that fits, you are looking for ways to simplify, and you are guarding your ears from listening to both discouragement and overwhelming nose-in-the-beeswax critics. I have seen families take months to get to this point. Yet already you have tried out an online unit study and experimented with ways to make learning math practical. You're doing fine.
Don't worry—and don't be too stressed by time pressure either. A lot of little seeds you sow today won't show up as fruitful plants for several seasons yet. It is a fairly common thing for mothers of young adults to sit down around a Thanksgiving table when their family has "come home" for a day and have her child begin to reminisce about his childhood; and only then do you get your first inkling that in your son's "new mature memory," he did not mind school nearly as much as he bellyached about at the time! And then you get to laugh at him with a hearty understanding of all he put you through. And it is worth it.
_____________________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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