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What Is happening. - 7/22/2008 12:53:32 PM
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LkM07
Posts: 26
Joined: 7/27/2007
Status: offline
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I feel like my feelings for my husband are being attacked, I know I love him but I dont understand why I have a hard time having good feelings towards him. Basically Im starting to feel like the things he does that have always gotten no my nerves are pushing me away and really getting under my skin. These things that get on my nerve are not harmful bad things, just things.. Illl explain
To give some background, after much trial and error dating guys that got my attention with attractive but unimportant qualities (looks, talent, charm, humor) I felt like to Lord truely taught me that I needed to seek a man who held the more important qualities one shoudl want in a Christian man. As you can imagine the guys before didnt hold those qualities but had my infatuation, crazy in love, feelings going crazy! Those relationship did nothing good for me though except give me a learning experience about what IS and ISNT most important in a person.
Well, finally right under my nose I start seeing my husband as more than just this guy that went to my Church. I always thought he was dorky but he had matured and his true character was catching my attention. Long story short, we dated for 3 years before gettng married, in that time I feel in love with him for the good Christian guy he was. We DO have plenty in common, but he doesnt necessarily hold the USUAL un important qualities I would so easily fall "head over heals" for, but the way he helped others, others looked up to him, and he was atleast a little fun and goofy (though sometimes a bit too cheesy for my taste). At the beggining of our dating I didnt have those intense infatuation feelings as I did with the guys I dated in HS, and right after. (but then I recall how immature, painful, and bad those relationships were) Those guys, especially as time has passed, have proven to be men I would never want to be with. I had a hard time understanding if I really was meant to be with my husband while we were dating cause I didnt feel CRAZY infatuated with him like other guys, but then I thought I had learned, that that was because I had learned what REAL love is. Not based on intense feelings over unimportant things.
So anyway I very easily said yes to marrying him because I felt like there was something deeper there, and I still believe that. I believed that though those strong feelings wherent there, there was plenty of true quality between us and enough feelings as I needed. Anytime he would get on my nerve say by being dorky/cheesy, imbarassing, I would get annoyed but something deeper helped me see past that. Well that is where the problem is now, I feel like something is blinding me from why I married him, that deep reason. I feel myself so overwhelmed by the Unimportant things that I dont like about him. His dorky moments, the fact that he isnt a tall strong looking, talented, athletic or whatever guy. I feel myself wishing he held something that made me "swoon" over him.. before the fact that he was such an amazing guy was all I needed, and I know it should be but what is happening to me!!! We have only been married for a little over a year. Im so afraid we will get torn apart. I am not unactracted to him but at the same time things feel weak and boring.
Why does thigns have to be so difficult, why does all the strong feelings comes from unimportant, or even bad things for us, while good quality, Things that God wants us to seek for are boring and.. well yeah just boring.
I am hoping to hear that this is normal, or can be atleast, that a marriage will go through spurts ilke this and that if I trust and seek after God he will help me see our marriage for what I thought I saw it for before. ME and him being a team for God. I feel like something is attacking that and making me focus on unimportant wordly things, grass is greener.. whatever.
I guess I just wish I felt more excited about my husband, but maybe that is immature and I have lost focus.
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RE: What Is happening. - 7/22/2008 1:06:52 PM
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vahunter70
Posts: 9
Joined: 7/9/2008
From: Columbus, GA
Status: offline
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Dear sister,
You are not alone. Even the woman who marries her "Prince Charming" is attacked by our enemy to try to rip apart her marriage.
Remember first of all that your marriage commitment is to God. Period. You made a vow before Him to honor your marriage.
Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me."
Let me also recommend a good book for you to read, "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormy Omartian.
Let me know how you are doing.
YSIC,
Virginia
_____________________________
Build a solid house; don't use imitation nails!
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RE: What Is happening. - 7/22/2008 3:11:03 PM
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Zhi
Posts: 1309
Joined: 7/31/2007
Status: online
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It takes a thinking change.
What you meditate on is what you think. What you think affects how you feel. Hold your thoughts captive. Whenever you're sitting there thinking about your husband (whether he's there or not), stop any negative thoughts about him, his habits, his appearance, etc, in their tracks, and substitute a thought of something you love about him. It will get easier on you.
So much of our emotions are based on what we let ourselves think about something, or someone. With proper practice in our thinking, the emotions will eventually follow.
Being "excited", crazy, or infatuated is overrated and fades in a year or two regardless. You're in good shape if you still like the person after they fade. ;)
_____________________________
The optimist says the glass is half full. The pessimist says the glass is half empty. The engineer says the glass is twice as large as it needs to be.
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RE: What Is happening. - 7/23/2008 1:59:53 PM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 792
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
I am hoping to hear that this is normal, or can be atleast, that a marriage will go through spurts ilke this and that if I trust and seek after God he will help me see our marriage for what I thought I saw it for before. ME and him being a team for God. I feel like something is attacking that and making me focus on unimportant wordly things, grass is greener.. whatever.
*It's normal for satan to attack marriages like that - the enemy is out to destroy and he'll use whatever is available to do that job! Know your enemy because he's been watching and learning about you!
Use the Bible to tear down satan's schemes!
Renew your mind upon the Lord's Word. Cast down thoughts that aren't profitable - you have the necessary weapons to fight this spiritual battle and overcome - Ask the Lord to strengthened you and guide you/help you discern what is good/bad.
Read your Bible/pray daily(or as often as you can) - study with a mentor/other mature Christians/spouse - be about the Lord's business... sharing Christ with the lost in your community/family etc.
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RE: What Is happening. - 7/24/2008 12:00:58 AM
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truthrevealed
Posts: 242
Joined: 12/6/2007
Status: offline
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What you're experiencing is VERY normal and I agree you must guard what you meditate on. You can make yourself unbearably miserable by choosing to think negatively and on top of that blame the other person for your misery......it's a snare of the enemy. He'll highlight the faults, make suggestions, "play" with your emotions, remind you of the way things "used" to be---so that you might long for times past and certain people in your past(even though, by your own admission those were not the best of times). Half the battle is won once you recognize and BELIEVE that the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy---otherwise those feelings can become quite convincing and you'll believe your feelings are the truth you should live by and not your "inner witness." Live by what you KNOW not what you FEEL(and do it leaning and depending on God...cause satan doesn't just roll over and play dead).
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RE: What Is happening. - 7/28/2008 7:26:35 AM
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Annie64
Posts: 823
Joined: 6/4/2007
From: Indianapolis, IN
Status: offline
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My wonderful, loving, dedicated husband is about 5'3" tall and at one time weighed 300 pounds. We have been married 22 years and I couldn't imagine any other life than the life I am living and I know that I am truly blessed to have this man as my husband. I am living proof that you can get past those things. Satan will bring them up, and make them sound important, but keep praying, and God will help you get past them and love the man you married, and be grateful for him, even if there are things that drive you crazy about him.
_____________________________
On Christ the solid rock I stand
ALL other ground is sinking sand.
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RE: What Is happening. - 7/28/2008 10:49:52 AM
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LkM07
Posts: 26
Joined: 7/27/2007
Status: offline
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Thank you all so so much. As an update I have been making an effort to renew my mind, praying and things are getting much better. Last week my husband and I volunteered a whole week to helping with VBS (as we have for the past couple years) my realization of the team we are for God is renewed. I even was able to bear seeing him do all the goofy moves along with the corny kids songs and see nothing but true heart and love coming out of him for those Children. He may not be a big strong guy with all the worldly desirable things but wow he has Godly passion and when I focus on that I get the most clear perspective on things. I hate it when I loose focus of that, but I have it back now, and need to work to stay focused on that.
He IS a decently good looking guy and I can still enjoy that though its not the most important thing about him. The things that bugged me the most (that I agree Satan is using) is his sometimes bad dorky/cheeseyness.. but you know what, He uses that to relate to some of our youth & kids at Church, and I should see it as a tool that he uses sometimes, and not complain, because I could be holding him back, which is exactly what you know who would want. So Ive taken a new attitude. I still need to get into a good Bible reading routine as I HAVE been VERY lazy about that. Reading the Bible is so challenging to me but I need to get past that. I also do need to pray more as well.
Thank you guys so much again
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