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Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #11 - 6/25/2008 1:10:54 PM
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ScarletFury
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*New changes/suggestions have been made to this-please read before participating.
Toss A Topic is a fun writing exercise(and challenge!) for all the writers here-if you have time to participate, it'll be fun! I promise that you’ll pick up a little something-such as weekly writing practice, meeting a deadline (the topic cutoff), writing within a word count and writing on topic. Great skills for any writer!
Once a week, a topic will be posted. Write between 100 – 500 words about whatever it brings to mind. Think about what happened to you this week, or dig into your cache of memories.
Entries that are too short/too long will not be reviewed! 
Only ONE entry per writer. Previous winners can still participate.
Minimum of 3 entries are required for the contest aspect of this challenge to be fair to all participants. If this number is not reached by the set date, the deadline will be increased.
You may write a short fictional piece, a memoir, a poem, essay, or a song as long as it relates to the current topic.
At the end of the time, the topic will be closed. Readers can vote for the one they liked best. Votes will be sent to me, via PM and at the end of the voting period, I'll announce the winner.
Entries may not be the 'best'; in grammar, spelling, or formatting, etc. … but the thought that appeals to you, something that makes you laugh, or touches your heart, that's a keeper! 
The winner of the challenge has the privilege of “tossing” the next topic.
They may choose a noun, a verb, or an adjective. (e.g. – music, driving, laundry, etc.)
If the winner doesn't choose a topic within two days, I will choose one to keep this going. 
PLEASE READ:
Be sure to check the topic clarification before beginning your piece, so you know whether you are on topic.
Know the deadline. (July 2nd)
Don’t forget to assign a title to your piece.
Do NOT edit your piece after posting-this is unfair to the other participants. Unless there is something (e.g. missing title) or you wish to add an Author’s note, (word limit for author’s note is 100 words-but may be counted as part of a whole if your entry is under the word count). Think of it as a contest where your entry was submitted and cannot be changed. 
Deadline: July 2nd
Topic
GAMES
Topic ends on Wednesday, July 2nd.
Clarification: Stories should include a game of some sort or setting indicates that a game is being played.
For now, I shall read every qualifying entry and leave a bit of feedback on them. My reviews follow in the format of MY NOTES: , RED INK:, and MY IMPRESSION: . Notes correspond to formatting or title issues, Red Ink covers basic editing(may cover grammar, punctuation)-without altering the entry content!-and My Impression is simply what I thought of your entry, overall.
Thanks for your participation-happy writing!
_____________________________
Prayers needed! www.helpsusan.com
FAWM 2008 Winner!
EdMo 2008 Winner!
Screnzy 2008 Winner!
Where do YOUR thoughts take you? Wandering Thoughtstream
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RE: Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #11 - 7/2/2008 12:20:34 PM
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Rikku
Posts: 227
Joined: 11/14/2005
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Just begun
Five men sat around a table in the back room of a club playing a game of high stakes poker. It was one of the by invitation only type games. The pile at the center of the table kept getting bigger and bigger, someone was about to win a lot of money. The dealer, a lean blond man, gave out more cards as they attempted to get the hand they each needed. The dealer took two and the betting continued, adding more Benjamin’s to the pile and other valuable items.
Suddenly the door burst open. A young woman stood with guns drawn. She was in her early twenties but had eyes that seemed to expose a very old soul. Her clothing suggested that she was from Europe, “Game over boys.” She said in an accent that suggested that she was indeed from some European country which country was hard to determine. “I suggest you leave, I’m only interested in James.” Her guns were pointed at the dealer.
“You might want to listen to the nice lady with the guns gents,” said James as he took a puff of his cigarette, “Maria might start shooting.” He folded his cards and leaned over the table, “but then again she could just be bluffing.”
Bang, bang, bang, Maria squeezed the trigger and shot James three times, “Any one think I am bluffing now?” she said as she aimed her guns at the other four men in the room. They took their things and left in a hurry.
James stood up and shouted, “Do you have any idea how much that hurts?” His face had morphed exposing that he was not human. His eyes turned yellow and his forehead became more ridged and prominent. To finish the change his teeth had become sharp and two became flanges.
“Yeah,” Maria dropped the guns and took out a wooden stake, “not as much as this is going to.” She pushed the table in an attempt to pin him behind it. James jumped out from behind the table and lunged after her. Maria blocked and kicked him so he fell against the wall. She hit him twice, and then James caught her fist and twisted it behind her back. He shoved her face into the table, once and then again. A well placed elbow into his ribs put an end to that.
Maria knocked him down and got on top of him to pin him. Her stake was aimed at his heart. “Game over.” She said drawing the stake back to strike.
James caught her hand and flipped her over so he was on top. He pinned her so she couldn’t attack him. “No lover.” He kissed her, “the games have just begun.” He got up and ran out before she could follow him.
Copyright July 2 2008
_____________________________
beautiful things make sad people happy and bad people better.
~Trance Gemin andromeda
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RE: Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #11 - 7/2/2008 11:48:12 PM
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Locke
Posts: 288
Joined: 6/10/2005
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My work's gotten a little crazy, so i'm sure if i'll be able to make it in time for this round. We shall see...
_____________________________
View my blog and find links to my writing, graphic design, an online game and more! Click here!!
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RE: Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #11 - 7/3/2008 11:42:22 PM
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Novalist
Posts: 413
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Mmm that was awesome Rikku I'll be hard pressed to come up with something as fraught with intrigue as that
_____________________________
Live life to the fullest and it will never become empty.
Although one picture speaks a thousand words, a thousand words make a better picture.
Reading is the art of seeing the pictures between the lines.
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RE: Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #11 - 7/4/2008 12:17:30 AM
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Novalist
Posts: 413
Joined: 6/3/2006
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Regalia
"You lose," Sarah's soft voice carried finality in it as the man facing her finally relinquished his hold on his piece. Terror gripped his eyes as his hand halted in midair his fingers still hovering over his piece as if they could take back the doomed move.
Her ebony hair pooled around her honeyed features and her outlined eyes glimmered with dull amusement at his predicament. Her Egyptian robe pooled around her form like sunlight covers the trees in the early morn. She sank into the soft pillows situated beneath her as two burly guards came forward and roughly hauled the unfortunate man to his feet. "Please, no my Queen!" he cried desperately as they dragged him from the room.
As his sobbing receded she waved imperiously for the next man to come forward and then covered her mouth delicately to hide her yawn of boredom. Challenging slaves offered her less and less enjoyment these days, so few won their freedom and it was dreadfully dull and wasteful to consign so many to death for their stupidity.
The man who moved forward shrugged out of the guards hold as he came to a halt before her and she felt intrigued in spite of herself. His eyes gleamed with cunning and his muscular frame fairly glowed with inner fire and strength his hard biceps and chest muscles clenching as only a man who is comfortable with his strength can.
"My Queen," he murmured as he bowed low before her his head to the ground as was the custom his lithe form at her command and her eyes lit up, this could prove interesting. "You know the rules, do you not?" she continued as she did not expect him to answer and he didn't "You must guess which cup contains the stone, if you guess right than you will go free if you are wrong your life is forfeit, you will have three tries. Rise and kneel before me and watch carefully."
He rose power in every movement to kneel before her reclining form and his eyes burned into hers with a certainty and confidence that shook her to her core. She placed the obsidian on the wooden plank between them and then with a flourish covered it with the cup, placing two empty ones on either side. Her many rings glimmered and sparkled in the firelight from the torches around them as she moved them in irregular patterns before stilling and waiting for his choice.
Unerringly he tapped the one to the left and he lifted it his eyes never leaving hers once, not glancing down at the stone he was knew was there. She broke his gaze first and sure enough there it was, admiration curled through her as he repeated the miraculous feat twice more. He did not wait for her permission to rise but reached forward and pulled her head close to kiss her his lips moving against hers "How many times must I win you wife?"
_____________________________
Live life to the fullest and it will never become empty.
Although one picture speaks a thousand words, a thousand words make a better picture.
Reading is the art of seeing the pictures between the lines.
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RE: Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #11 - 7/6/2008 3:57:12 PM
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Rikku
Posts: 227
Joined: 11/14/2005
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Yeh\ah someone else wrote something! I like it novi
_____________________________
beautiful things make sad people happy and bad people better.
~Trance Gemin andromeda
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RE: Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #11 - 7/7/2008 4:57:00 PM
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Locke
Posts: 288
Joined: 6/10/2005
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I tried to, but I couldn't think of anything on-topic, and ended up writing a cute little story off-topic at FaithWriters.
I may try again tomorrow. It sounds like it should be a creatively inspiring topic, but it just ain't happin' for me atm.
_____________________________
View my blog and find links to my writing, graphic design, an online game and more! Click here!!
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RE: Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #11 - 7/14/2008 8:34:05 PM
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Locke
Posts: 288
Joined: 6/10/2005
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Okay, so I have good news, and I have bad news.
The good news is, I wrote a new short story!
The bad news is, I couldn't make the "game" topic happen. I sure tried, but didn't flow. *sigh* Sorry.
_____________________________
View my blog and find links to my writing, graphic design, an online game and more! Click here!!
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RE: Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #11 - 7/15/2008 1:38:27 AM
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Rikku
Posts: 227
Joined: 11/14/2005
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well locke at least your creativity is going some place.
_____________________________
beautiful things make sad people happy and bad people better.
~Trance Gemin andromeda
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RE: Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #11 - 7/21/2008 9:30:41 AM
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Locke
Posts: 288
Joined: 6/10/2005
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Okay - i'm just gonna start writing, and it's gonna be about a game somehow, and it's going to be on-topic. *Must focus!* - I've been playing around with some ideas in my head for a few weeks now, so...
Here it goes:
"Checkmate"
By: Michael N Lovdal
"Grandpa, where does chess come from?" Teddy's grandfather perked up in his lay-z-boy rocking chair.
"Ah, my boy. That is a truly epic tale of which you are not yet old enough to truly appreciate." The boy made a very sad looking face, pouting.
"Pleeeease tell me?" His grandfather sighed a deep sigh, making him sound much older than he appeared.
"Very well, but if you have nightmares, I don't want you telling your momma on me."
"I won't! I promise!"
His grandfather leaned towards Teddy and adjusted his glasses. "Very well child. Listen, and listen well..."
"The townspeople are dead, sire!" cried the Bishop. "Your army is falling like wheat before a thresher!"
"Nonsense," sneered the King. "Pawns with axes and clubs is all they are. My real army is my knights. The surprise. The agility!"
The Bishop looked horrified. "But the people!"
"Are dead!" the King retorted. "And you'd be best to forget them, lest I send you into battle!" The Bishop kneeled in submission.
"If that is your will sire. But know, I am indeed skilled with the sword. Should your highness choose to send me against the African hordes, I shall be most vigilant in fighting for King and country."
"Africa will fall to our might!" chanted a guard, or "Rook" as the King called them.
The King sneered at his powerful wife, a single golden tooth checkering his smile. The Queen merely stood there, erect and dangerous. She stood a full foot taller than the King, and she was no stranger to battle herself. Her family's crest bore the symbol of two crossing swords, and she wore it boldly across her white sash.
"She sounds scary." Teddy hugged his pillow close, both afraid and intrigued all at once.
"Yes, she is. Very scary indeed." His grandfather checked his pocket watch and frowned at it. "I'd better cut to the ending now, or we'll be here until the wee hours."
"Grandpa, what are 'wee hours'?"
"Never-mind that. Let me tell you about the end of the great battle..."
The great white Queen loomed over the black King with murder in her eyes. She brandished a sword in either hand, twirling them about menacingly. A knight stood on either side of her to prevent the King's escape, and true to his word, the Bishop was indeed coming in from behind the King, having slain many of his men.
"What does 'slain' mean?"
"Never-mind, child! Just listen to the story; I'm getting groggy."
The Queen was about to kill the king when a great cry went out across the battlefield. The men were wailing and crying out in terror and amazement. Hadn't they just won victory over the blacks? Why were they so distressed? The Queen demanded a report from her runner, and he returned swiftly to tell her the terrible news: their King had been slain! While his army lay seige to the black King, his enemy had sent a small group of men to sneak into the King's camp and murder him right in front of his face.
He saw them approaching for nearly half an hour, but he paid them no mind. They were just petty villagers with spears - merely pawns to be disposed of by the enemy King. But the black King didn't dispose of them - they slew many Rooks and even a Knight, finally capturing the King and sending him to his grave. Having lost both King and the will to fight, the Queen sounded the retreat, utterly defeated.
"Did she kill the black King, Grandpa?" His grandfather seemed to have slouched in his chair considerably. "Grandpa?" He sighed in disappointment; his grandfather was fast asleep. Just as he was about to get up to go to bed, Teddy noticed his family crest hanging over the fireplace, studying it for the first time. Two swords crossed over each other in the shape of an 'x'.
Teddy just stood and stared.
© 2008 Michael N Lovdal.
_____________________________
View my blog and find links to my writing, graphic design, an online game and more! Click here!!
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RE: Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #11 - 7/21/2008 4:50:17 PM
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Rikku
Posts: 227
Joined: 11/14/2005
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you did it locke!
_____________________________
beautiful things make sad people happy and bad people better.
~Trance Gemin andromeda
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RE: Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #11 - 7/22/2008 7:29:44 AM
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mvic
Posts: 954
Joined: 1/17/2008
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“COMPUTER POKER”
By: Vic Moubarak
I was working late into the night intent on finishing my research assignment due in next day for an important Board meeting. I double checked some details on the Internet when I got a Pop-Up.
“CONGRATULATIONS – You have won a prize! Click below.” It said in bright colours.
Maybe because I was tired and in need of distraction, maybe because I’m just stupid … but without hesitation I clicked my mouse where advised.
The next screen gave me $10 online to play poker.
“Yeh right …” I thought, “I don’t know the first thing about poker. Anyway, if this computer is online whoever is on the other end can easily ‘read’ my cards …”
So more out of disdain than anything else I put the whole $10 and clicked for some cards.
I can’t recall exactly what happened next, the screen said something “Flush” and my $10 turned to $50.
I put down my cup of coffee and smiled wryly. “Beginner’s luck! No doubt.”
I put down $10 and lost them. Then another and yet another.
“This game is addictive, I must say … here’s my last $10 then back to work.”
To my surprise my last $10 was greeted with a fanfare and a flashing $500 in bright red.
“Wow … what happened there … is this thing for real?” I gasped as I dropped hot coffee on my lap.
I clicked play again and the flashing sign turned to a question.
“Double or quit?” asked the computer.
It was getting rather late and I really had to finish my assignment. So I clicked OK and waited until the cards were dealt one at a time, and the familiar prompt to move on. I clicked again and then jumped out of my seat at the louder fanfare and fireworks display which lit up the screen.
“You have won $1000” flashed the big letters in bright red.
“This must be a joke” I thought to myself. “It’s not for real …”
I clicked the mouse again …
“One last chance – one card – highest wins!” challenged the computer.
I clicked and got the 4 of Hearts.
“Aha … so that’s their trick. Now I lose the lot!”
The computer placed a card slowly on the screen and then turned it over.
The 2 of Diamond.
“You have won $5000 !!! Enter your details below to receive a check.”
My heart pounded ... My hands trembled … This isn’t really happening …
I started writing my name …
“BANG” popped my speakers.
“APRIL FOOL” flashed the screen.
© VIC MOUBARAK 2008
_____________________________
http://www.holyvisions.co.uk
Welcome to my Blog
MEI VITA INDICO CHRISTUS
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RE: Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #11 - 8/4/2008 6:51:23 PM
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Locke
Posts: 288
Joined: 6/10/2005
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You still around, Scarlet? I'm starting a new semester real soon, so I'll be peacing-out again real soon.
Just wondering if TAT is still on.
God bless with everything!
cheers,
Locke
_____________________________
View my blog and find links to my writing, graphic design, an online game and more! Click here!!
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RE: Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #11 - 8/5/2008 4:13:13 PM
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ScarletFury
Posts: 165
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PLEASE READ! IMPORTANT!
I am no longer able to review every entry submitted, but I did have Rikku's finished, so it is posted below. The challenge aspect is still on (thank you to those of you who have sent in your votes, I'll tally them up and post the winner soon, there is still time to vote if anyone else wishes to add their opinion) Thanks for joining Toss A Topic! I sincerely apologize for the long wait, but my schedule has simply become too busy to keep up with this. If there is anyone who would like "take the torch" please PM me, and perhaps we can work something out so that the TAT doesn't disappear completely. Thank you all very much for your encouragement and participation. This has been a fun, learning experience for me and I'm honored to know such creative writers.
~Sara
RIKKU'S REVIEW
Thanks for your entry to the Toss A Topic Writing Challenge-GAMES!
MY NOTES: Nice copyright! ^_^ The review should follow in the exact order of sentences as I read it.
You'll find your review below in RED INK:
and MY IMPRESSION: . Please take my words with a grain of salt, it¡¦s simply my opinion. Use what you can and chuck the rest!
RED INK: (this red ink may cover minor grammar/punctuation.)
1st Paragraph: ¡§Five men sat around a table in the back room of a club playing a game of high stakes poker.¡¨ I think this line would have more impact if reversed. First lines are always tricky.
Cut down on your wordiness. Simply say ¡§It was an invitation only game¡¨ That¡¦s 6 words vs. 10. Total savings of-4 words!
To avoid the trap of ¡¥bigger and bigger¡¦ or ¡¥smaller and smaller¡¦ aim for past tense and stick with it, just say: ¡§¡Kpile grew¡K¡¨ and that would cut out a few more words for later. I¡¦m not saying you can¡¦t use it, but unless you¡¦re really good at the adding extra emphasis and matching tone, skip it. It works okay in children¡¦s stories, but even these days that¡¦s iffy.
Line 4: You¡¦re already in the dealer¡¦s POV, sort of. So you can simplify by using ¡§he took two himself¡¨ We later see that the story comes down to him and Maria, so using ¡§he¡¨ is easy to keep track of since there¡¦s only one ¡§he¡¨ later. This is a good way to hint that he¡¦ll be an important character later.
Love the detail of adding more ¡§benjamins¡¨ that was creative. It paints a whole new picture of a familiar scene.
2nd paragraph: I¡¦m not a fan of using ¡§Suddenly¡¨ or ¡§just¡¨ They do have their place, but this is because if something is ¡§just about to happen¡¨ I want to see it! Especially if it¡¦s suddenly, don¡¦t just tell me, let it happen!
¡§Suddenly¡¨ and ¡§Just¡¨ do have their place in writing, but watch for the places where it drags and omit them. This adds more suspense and often, more clarity.
3rd line: Change had to ¡§her¡¨ it flows smoother
4th line: Period at the end of this sentence.
5th line: Don¡¦t tell me about her accent that comes from a country that¡¦s hard to determine. That really doesn¡¦t do much for me or her, as a character. This is some good action stirring up here and now we¡¦re talking about her accent? At this point, your aim is to keep the story going. Also, keep notes that using dialogue with things like ¡§vell, ve don¡¦t alveys ave to stay in de shade, do ve?¡¨ What kind of accent does that suggest? While it might seem too ¡¥cute¡¦ or so, (that is a fairly not-so-perfect example, but accurate enough for my point) it helps and cut down on wordiness. When you read books, keep tabs on how they mention accent and verbal notes like that.
7th line: Don¡¦t pu her guns were pointed. Almost anyone can point a gun, right? But how many can aim them? Or how many can use a laser/light sight accurately? Details like that, though only when changing one or two words can really add to the dimensions of a character.
3rd Paragraph: Comma after ¡§gents¡¨ You can omit the ever present common of ¡§said¡¨ for the sake of word count and just flow straight into the action, as long as it¡¦s still in the same paragraph with his actions, we¡¦ll know, as the reader, who¡¦s speaking what.
3rd line: Put a dash after ¡§shooting¡¨ such as ¡§shooting-¡¨ and then complete with the ¡§-but,¡¨ that way the reader understands the pause and the very subtle dare to Maria.
4th paragraph: Italicize the ¡§bang, bang, bang.¡¨ This will carry much more impact this way and keep with the action, such as Maria¡¦s action, in this case. There is also the option to simply be blunt and write that Maria shot James 3 times. You could also add details such as her lip curled in disgust.
2nd Line: A word is missing here. I believe it should be. ¡§Any one else think I am bluffing?¡¨ You can omit the ¡§now¡¨ and the ¡§she said ¡§ in the following lines. Tagless dialogue is okay in some short pieces like this, because the action balances it out and since it is in the same paragraph as the speaker, it¡¦s easy to follow. It¡¦s also good because it gives you more words to work with.
5th Paragraph: This is telling here. I don¡¦t want to read about James standing up and shouting, after all, didn¡¦t he just get shot? Bring him on and let him shout! Show, don¡¦t tell.
3rd line: Comma after ¡§morphed¡¨ , you can omit the ¡¥exposing that he was not human¡¦, well obviously, if he was shot and is morphing and still alive¡Ksomehow I doubt he would be human, right? Join up the lines to be something like ¡§His face morphed, eyes turning yellow as his forehead became more ridged.¡¨
5th Line: ¡§Comma after ¡§change¡¨ you can change ¡§had become¡¨ to ¡§became¡¨
6th Paragraph: Where did she get this wooden stake? I¡¦m just curious. I don¡¦t remember seeing her go get it, and it would amost seem as if she was carrying it, but one can never really tell.
2nd Line: The dialogue is awkward, test out snippets by reading them aloud and seeing if it ¡¥sounds right¡¦ in this case, when I did read it, because I couldn¡¦t get it to read ¡¥right¡¦, it felt a little forced and funny, as if I wasn¡¦t really speaking properly. In the heat of the moment, as the story is racing along, I¡¦d imagine Maria would either scowl or smirk and then say ¡§Yeah, but not as much as this!¡¨ Note the exclamation mark, it alters the reader to a new emotion in her speech.
3rd line and forward: ¡§she pushed the table¡¨ How about shoving the table forward and attempting to pin him?
¡§-so he fell against the wall.¡¨ Awkward line. It doesn¡¦t read as if he really did, fall. Rephrase it, maybe to something where she kicked him into the wall or so.
Also, in the lines where, She hit him twice because he caught her fist and twisted it behind her back. Try to keep the lines as smooth as possible, there¡¦s a ton of action going through there, so keep it up, but also try to make sure the words and actions flow smoothly into/after each other.
7th Paragraph: This paragraph was a little frustrating for me, so I hope you don¡¦t mind that I took the liberty of rewording it a bit. ƒº
¡§She knocked him to the ground, dropping on his stomach, stake poised over his heart. ¡§Game over.¡¨ She whispered.¡¨
James caught her hand, eyes glittering as he easily reversed their positions, capturing her arms so she couldn¡¦t attack. ¡§No love,¡¨ He kissed her, teasing. ¡§The games have just begun.¡¨ He released her, darting out and away before she could recover.
Now, granted I¡¦ve dressed it up and shifted a few things around, but the idea is still the same, right? That¡¦s what you need to aim for, a different way of saying the original idea, but keeping it all together.
MY IMPRESSION: Pretty good! I liked this interesting twist! I¡¦m guessing that James is a vampire and that Maria is somewhat a bounty hunter/old friend? The relationship dynamic is intriguing, I want to know more about them and when this whole story started. I also liked how you worked the topic into this. Very nice!
_____________________________
Prayers needed! www.helpsusan.com
FAWM 2008 Winner!
EdMo 2008 Winner!
Screnzy 2008 Winner!
Where do YOUR thoughts take you? Wandering Thoughtstream
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RE: Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #11 - 8/8/2008 4:42:20 PM
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mvic
Posts: 954
Joined: 1/17/2008
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I'm embarrassed. Thank you.
I'd like to thank all the judges, and my parents, and my friends, and ... and ... and ...
_____________________________
http://www.holyvisions.co.uk
Welcome to my Blog
MEI VITA INDICO CHRISTUS
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RE: Toss A Topic-Writing Challenge #11 - 8/9/2008 4:26:35 PM
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Rikku
Posts: 227
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline
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Congradulations MVic!
Scarlet thank you for your critic, and I hope this doesn't mean that you will be leaving our rpg.
_____________________________
beautiful things make sad people happy and bad people better.
~Trance Gemin andromeda
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