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Spiritual Crisis for a Christian Single - 9/23/2008 10:48:28 PM
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divinetxdiva
Posts: 9
Joined: 10/12/2006
Status: offline
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I am having a meltdown. I hate being single. I've become very depressed about it. I have stopped going to church, I've stopped praying. I feel forsaken by the Lord.
I want to be married and have children (I'm 38). I think I could handle this singleness if there were dates/relationships in between the waiting. The older I get the fewer dates/relationships I have.
I don't know what to do. I'm so sad all the time and I don't enjoy life anymore. I'm lonely and I hurt so much. How could God have me be so lonely?
Anyone else experience a feeling of being forsaken? Of having a burden too much to bear? It gets harder and harder to get up each day.
_____________________________
Divine TX Diva
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RE: Spiritual Crisis for a Christian Single - 9/23/2008 11:00:47 PM
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lost_n_thought
Posts: 41
Joined: 9/11/2008
From: Iowa
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: divinetxdiva
I am having a meltdown. I hate being single. I've become very depressed about it. I have stopped going to church, I've stopped praying. I feel forsaken by the Lord.
I want to be married and have children (I'm 38). I think I could handle this singleness if there were dates/relationships in between the waiting. The older I get the fewer dates/relationships I have.
I don't know what to do. I'm so sad all the time and I don't enjoy life anymore. I'm lonely and I hurt so much. How could God have me be so lonely?
Anyone else experience a feeling of being forsaken? Of having a burden too much to bear? It gets harder and harder to get up each day.
(((((((((divinetxdiva)))))))))
Yes I've felt that way. Know please that you are not foresaken by God! The burden you feel is too heavy...ask HIM to help you carry it. He will. Hard to get up every morning, oh yes it is. I keep putting one foot in front of the other, some days barely, with ...good orderly direction...G.O.D. Sometimes I have to reduce it that far for my faith to reach Him at all.
God loves you and wants your life to be full of love, all kinds of love. Please try moving back towards faith. Please Please don't take offense, but read that first sentence you wrote from last to first...it's like a roadmap of how you came to hurt so much.
Tell God you're hurting, tell him everything, and ask him for help and guidance and reassurance. Keep talking it out with friends too..Listen for God in people...their voices we hear plainly.
_____________________________
Matthew 25:40.
"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
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RE: Spiritual Crisis for a Christian Single - 9/23/2008 11:01:17 PM
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shemaromans
Posts: 3831
Joined: 3/30/2007
Status: offline
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((((divine))))
Your post reads as heavily as you probably feel. That's a lot to carry...I've deleted several pieces of advice that I had written for you because forsaken is something that I haven't experienced. Not sure that I know enough to offer wise or welcomed thoughts.
What I do know, though, is that God loves you--whether you can feel it or not.
I'll be praying for you.
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
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RE: Spiritual Crisis for a Christian Single - 9/23/2008 11:10:43 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8009
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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Divine,
It is hard to be alone sometimes, (Oh face it, all the time) but if we isolate ourselves, staying away from church etc, we only get more alone.
If you want to be married then eventually you have got to meet someone. If you want to meet someone you have to be where the people are.
You also have to be approachable. Grab each day by the throat and wring all the joy out of it you can get. Remember to look at the small miracles that God gives us each day and cultivate a thankful heart again (Read the smile thread and most of joy2give2u's posts. She's good at taking joy in the little things.)
The real problem with where you're at is not the angriness at God. I've been there and done my fair share of screaming at Him. But He's big He can handle it. The problem is the way it colors your attitude the rest of the time. We can't allow ourselves to get down about it. that just starts a cycle.
Reach out to God again. Surrender your life to him all over again and live the life he has for you today. If your husband shows up today or next month or next year or next decade God still has a plan to bless you until then. Be a blessing to those around you, let the love of Jesus shine out from you and you will draw people to you.
Remember that you are not alone. Jesus is with you always. And we are too.
Hang in there Divine, we'll all get through this together
God bless you and Keep you.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Spiritual Crisis for a Christian Single - 9/24/2008 12:01:25 AM
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joy2give2u
Posts: 5124
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline
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divinetxdiva
My heart cries with yours. I have been where you are now.......not too long ago.
The past year and 4 months have been so hard.....so very hard.
I had a meltdown.....well I don't know if it was so much a meltdown as a freeze up.....my heart froze.....God's love could no longer flow out of it and I was desperate.........
I knew I could not live my life as I was......and yes I felt forsaken by the Lord......
I couldn't even pray and though I spent a weekend talking to God, doing the things I usually do when I need to experience His touch, and went to the places where I usually see His face..... he was gone......I could not find him anywhere.
The blizzard which came in and froze my heart was in the form of my mother.....
In the time since my father has passed away it seems as though none of my prayers have been answered, or at least none of the big ones.......
I was over at my mother's house when she said......oh Joy I need your father's death certificate......I asked why.....
Do you hear the cold frozen winds from the north blowing?
"Because I can collect his retirement/ss money and it is so much more then mine......What a answer to prayer."
What an answer to prayer she said.......my heart froze.......
All the prayers I had prayed......all the request I had made ....none were answered.....
God had robbed from me, the person who meant the most, leaving me with nothing but a mess to answer her prayer.
Why? Why would he rip out my heart in order to provide for her future? Why?
I asked my mother not to tell the rest of the family for they would not understand........her reply......why not your father dying was a blessing and an answer to my prayers........
Now before you think my mother is an evil woman she is not.....and she honestly had no clue how deeply her words cut........
I drove home......the tears falling......the pain ripping my insides apart......I called a friend........we talked.........they prayed.........we hung up........I felt more alone then I had in my entire life.......
By this time I was at the cementary, in the cold night, laying on the wet ground weeping harder then I had dealling with the funeral.......
My father was gone and now so was my heavenly father.........yes I know what it is like to feel forsaken.
But I did not stay there and neither will you.......
I considered posting more tonight but feel this is all God wants me to say at the moment........I will post more tomorrow.........and in the meantime I will be praying for you....
_____________________________
Transformation happens NOT when we get through scripture BUT when scripture gets through Us
My Smiles
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RE: Spiritual Crisis for a Christian Single - 9/24/2008 12:04:09 AM
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rgod
Posts: 1549
Joined: 4/25/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: divinetxdiva
I am having a meltdown. I hate being single. I've become very depressed about it. I have stopped going to church, I've stopped praying. I feel forsaken by the Lord.
I want to be married and have children (I'm 38). I think I could handle this singleness if there were dates/relationships in between the waiting. The older I get the fewer dates/relationships I have.
I don't know what to do. I'm so sad all the time and I don't enjoy life anymore. I'm lonely and I hurt so much. How could God have me be so lonely?
Anyone else experience a feeling of being forsaken? Of having a burden too much to bear? It gets harder and harder to get up each day.
divinetxdiva,
I have felt this way. For me, the meltdown was when I was between the ages of 29 and 32. I understand. You try to do everything that God tells you to do, you serve, you are obedient - God might even answer all of your prayers except for this one. Then there are times when it seems like God parades all of these people in front of you who are getting married - and they don't even care at all about God (as far as you can see). You ask, you hope, you have faith. You get discouraged, you get angry - you try to smooth it over, but it just starts up again. And then eventually, your heart is cold towards God - you doubt, you don't pray any more, you don't go to church, you get cynical. I've been in all of those places and have done all of those things many times over. I would try to get help from other Christians and they would give me some fairly trite response. It felt like no one had been where I was - and that made me feel more alone. And there was a hardness in my soul - I never thought that the Lord would hurt me or allow me to hurt like this - but he did.
I'm no longer there though. The thing that really helped me get through it was a book by Phillip Yancey called "Dissapointment with God: Three Questions No One Asks Aloud." Excellent - about suffering and why God allows us to suffer. I can share with you about this if you'd like, but I think that perhaps if I do, it will take away the impact. There is something about reading through the entire line of thought that is healing in this particular situation. It helps you to receive when you might not be in that position to do so right now, given the way you feel (or at least I knew that I wasn't.) There is a bit of a surprising answer. And in reading it, I felt understood. It challenged me to grow in the way that I saw God and my own life. I came to see and know him in a different way.
I'm still not married - and I am believing him by faith that I will be because of what God has said to me. I never every thought I'd be able to hope because for a long time, I couldn't even because the "no" of God hurt too much. But bit by bit he reshaped my expectations of Him and I started to learn to love Him regardless. And I learned to enjoy my life regardless. In time, he showed me that me not being married when I desperately wanted to be was in actuality a great kindness and mercy to me. For me, there were certain things he wanted to heal me from so that I would be able to weather the storms of relationship, which could be very difficult. Whenever I start feeling down about being single, I hang on to that, and I know that God knows what is best for me at this point in time and that He loves me so much! This is a major change because I didn't really even believe that God loved me before (at least I couldn't feel it).
Today, I still want to be married - and there are many times when I miss my future husband. And I still get sad and lonely - but it doesn't overwhelm my life the way it did before. While I am still preparing to be married - if I never get married - I would be very dissappointed and sad, but I would be OK - and I couldn't really say that before. But I think the major change is that I've learned how to enjoy my life. I was putting my future on hold for a husband without even realizing it. I started doing things, getting out. I addressed the things in my life that was keeping me depressed. While I have hard times still, nothing compares to my meltdown stage.
So, be encouraged today. Others know exactly how you feel. You've come to the right place. Feel free to vent here, to ask questions, or to ask for prayer - particularly when you can't pray yourself. That is what brothers and sisters in Christ are for. There are some awesome people here.
Be blessed!
rgod
< Message edited by rgod -- 9/24/2008 6:42:11 AM >
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RE: Spiritual Crisis for a Christian Single - 9/24/2008 12:29:59 AM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 2615
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: The little house in the prairie
Status: offline
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HI Divine,
I can relate to what you're feeling as I went through it a few months back. I was feeling very abandoned, and forsaken, not only by people closed to me, but by God as well. I think it lasted a long time...I'm not even sure how I got through it. I remember just surviving, breathing in and out, going to work, going for a run everyday, going to a website that really helped me understood my faith a little more.
The "god is with you and he'll see you through this, and he loves you" didn't work for me at that time. I was questioning if there was even a God and if He was real, then, why was my life so empty and miserable. I studied and really found a reason why I beleived, not because my life was supposed to get better, but because God is God regardless of my circumstances. I had to start finding my faith again, and God was faithful that He calmed me down.
Not much has changed in my situation. In fact, I turn 40 in a few hours, and very much single. But for some reason, people are noticing my energy--that I have this vibrancy about me. I'm happier (not last week...but that's a different story, lol) I talk to people a lot more, even strangerss. Even my friends that I went out with a few days ago thought my old flirtations nature is back, and they wondered why I'm dateless. Something I need to figure out...because I know it's very much my choice why I'd rather stay home than date around.
Will it get better? I can't tell you that, because honestly, in every aspect of our lives, you have to do your part and God will do His. Maybe start with little changes. Do somethign that makes you feel better about yourself...if you need to lose weight, update your looks, move to a new place, go out more, then start doing them. Say hi to strangers. Go join a group, not necessarily church group. Try an activity group, maybe a hiking group or an adventures group. These are some practical advice I can give you to get your out of your normal routine...and to get you out of the rut. Little changes to your sorrounding can do a lot of wonders in changing your outlook. And seek God. If you're doubting HIm; then engage and challenge those doubts. You'll find that God cannot resist answering you when it comes to seeking Him wholeheartedly.
Geez, I think I wrote an earful there, lol. I can't believe I'm still awake..I guess I can't wait to be 40....whoo hoo.....
_____________________________
O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder
Thy power through out the universe displayed
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
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RE: Spiritual Crisis for a Christian Single - 9/24/2008 3:08:43 AM
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gaylel1
Posts: 1253
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: divinetxdiva
I am having a meltdown. I hate being single. I've become very depressed about it. I have stopped going to church, I've stopped praying. I feel forsaken by the Lord.
I want to be married and have children (I'm 38). I think I could handle this singleness if there were dates/relationships in between the waiting. The older I get the fewer dates/relationships I have.
I don't know what to do. I'm so sad all the time and I don't enjoy life anymore. I'm lonely and I hurt so much. How could God have me be so lonely?
Anyone else experience a feeling of being forsaken? Of having a burden too much to bear? It gets harder and harder to get up each day.
Devine,
You may not want to read this and disagree if you want, but what you are saying is that you are letting the enemy make you feel that way. First of all, being single should not be a burden. And just because you are single it is not the end of your life.
I know how it is not to get a date--I'm turning 50 this next year, and lost a husband, and yes, I realize when you get older, there are no prospects, but it does not mean that you are cannot be used by God.
You are not the only one that is dealing with it, but many other singles who want to give up on life or thinking that God has forsaken them because they do not have a other person to share their life with. And it should not be so.
Stopped praying? you should not stop neither you should not stop being in God's word because guess what? when we stray away from God's word and not praying, the enemy will get into your thoughts and will wreck havoc in your life and not wanting you what God wants you to be.
Hopefully you are involved in fellowship with other like-minded believers who can encourage you in your faith as a single. Then too, I also encourage you to get involved in the lives of others, maybe get involved in a ministry in your local church body, get together with others, maybe a singles ministry which does not emphasize dating, but a place where you can pray together with other singles and to fellowship, even talk with those who are struggling to get support.
_____________________________
Hear "The Truth" with the "other"l Jeff Johnson(http://www.calvarydowney.org)
Visit me at http:www.gayleplace.blogspot.com or http://www.myspace.com/gaylel121
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RE: Spiritual Crisis for a Christian Single - 9/24/2008 5:18:50 AM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 2685
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: California
Status: online
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To the original poster..I'm not up to reading the whole thread right now, as I'm kind of in a slump myself....but hugs to you((((((((((you ))))))))))))))))), prayers, Rebekah
_____________________________
Now thank we all our God, with hearts and hands and voices, what wondrous things He's done, in whom the world rejoices.
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RE: Spiritual Crisis for a Christian Single - 9/24/2008 6:51:16 AM
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rgod
Posts: 1549
Joined: 4/25/2005
Status: offline
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divinetxdiva,
You've gotten a lot of good advice here ... keep in mind that right now, not all of it might feel good at the point where you are - but might be useful at different points as you move through this. A good metaphor is that the different pieces of advice are like food that you take as you embark on a journey. In the morning, you might not care for dessert, but the bread looks really good to you - so you eat that. At lunch, a sandwich, a salad, some juice my suddenly look good - as might dessert. Perhaps a food that you really don't want to eat today (or even repulses you a bit) might stay in your lunch sack, but tomorrow - you'll welcome it with open arms. I pray that you will be blessed today divinetx!
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RE: Spiritual Crisis for a Christian Single - 9/24/2008 7:22:17 AM
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Grace-N-Mercy
Posts: 6133
Joined: 5/2/2005
Status: offline
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(((((divine))))) The others have given you some solid advice... I have nothing more to add right now except that I've been there too, where it feels like God is just so far removed from our circumstances. I'll be praying for you today that you're able to find peace in the midst of all of this.
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RE: Spiritual Crisis for a Christian Single - 9/24/2008 10:36:58 AM
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joy2give2u
Posts: 5124
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline
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quote:
It is so hard when we start to question God's love for us. So often I have wondered what the heck is happening in my life that it is so out of wack- doesn't God care? Like you said, I do know he cares I just don't understand why things happen that seem so unfair. Words written in an email to me. Simple words really but with them came the fire of God melting away the ice covering my heart.
Why were the words so powerful? Why did they speak to me in such a way heat began to warm my heart again?
The circumstances are not what are making you feel this way,divinetxdiva, but the lie which is being spoken in those circumstances.
I was not angry my mother was going to have more money for retirement. Actually it was an answer to my prayer as well. I have been concerned how my mother would survive once she retired and had prayed many times that God would work a miracle so that she could financially support herself. God answered the prayer.
You see at heart of the issue was not the circumstances, it was not my mother getting my fathers retirement, but the lie I was listening to in the circumstances.
Unfair......the word played over and over in my mind.........
Before I read the word I really had no clue why I was so upset, I had spent time asking forgiveness for the things I thought lead to my frozen heart. I had asked forgiveness for my fear, lack of trust in God and though I was reading the bible, seeking God's face in nature and trying to figure out what in the world was wrong with me nothing changed.....until one simple word gave a name to the problem.........identified the lie. I was trying to deal with the results instead of identifying the reason and dealing with it.
Once God identified the lie .........I ask God to forgive me for believing the lie........for believing that he was being unfair and loved my mother more then me........
I asked God to reveal any other lies I was believing in the circumstance, asked forgiveness and then asked God to speak truth in place of the lies. He did.
He reminded me life may not be fair but he is..........he reminded me how many times I had prayed he would provide for my mother in her retirement........and he reminded me how very important I am to him and how much he loves me.
Once I stopped believing the lies and instead stood on His truths God explained the whys in "the letter"
I won't write about the letter here because it would take too long but I do plan on making a thread based on it.
My encouragement to you divinetxdiva is to ask God to reveal the lies being spoken in your circumstances.
As singles it is so easy for us to listen to lies about our value or worth spoken in our singleness. It is not being single which leads to us feeling forsaken but the lies which say we are not good enough for a man to love........or that no one wants us........or even the lie that being single robs the life out of life.
What lies are you believing? What is satan whispering in your ear as an explanation as to why you are still single? Identify those lies and then ask God to forgive you for believing them.........and then ask Him to replace those lies with His truth.......and he will.
I will continue to pray for you.
< Message edited by joy2give2u -- 9/24/2008 10:54:44 AM >
_____________________________
Transformation happens NOT when we get through scripture BUT when scripture gets through Us
My Smiles
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