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Should I HS if my DH doesn't care? - 7/23/2008 3:18:54 PM
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sweetsusie
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Joined: 7/23/2008
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I really need some input out there. My husband doesn't seem to care whether I homeschool or not (so he says), but if I did, I know it would not be a priority of his. I know because I had homeschooled our older 2 kids for many years without his support. He basically seems apathetic about it. Now our 2 youngers are in Public school, but I am not happy about it. If I did go back to it, I know how hard it feels to have a husband who just goes about his own business, and doesn't care about HS at all, and would really rather have me be helping him with his business, and places other demands on my time to hlep him out. We are not on the "same page" together about it. But at the same time, I am not happy about having them go back to school in the FAll.Any thoughts out there?
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RE: Should I HS if my DH doesn't care? - 7/23/2008 3:44:52 PM
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roligirl
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Yes, but it will be a determined road. You will have challenges, you will be torn, but if you believe the Lord is directing you to homeschool your children He will make a way. Proverbs 21: 1 says "The king's heart is in the hand of the lord; he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases". To me the "king" is anyone with authority over you: boss, husband, government, etc. Proverbs 16: 3 " Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." Another promise in the face of adversity, but it takes determination.
If he is not opposed, just apathetic, then go forward what is in your heart. The Lord will provide support through others and encouragement that will see you through. Keep on praying for your husband, forgive him and walk in love. God can use anything to bring you both onto the same page.
In Him,
Suzanne B
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RE: Should I HS if my DH doesn't care? - 7/23/2008 4:11:57 PM
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Roberta_
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From: East Bay Area
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sweetsusie
I really need some input out there. My husband doesn't seem to care whether I homeschool or not (so he says), but if I did, I know it would not be a priority of his. I know because I had homeschooled our older 2 kids for many years without his support. He basically seems apathetic about it. Now our 2 younger are in Public school, but I am not happy about it. If I did go back to it, I know how hard it feels to have a husband who just goes about his own business, and doesn't care about HS at all, and would really rather have me be helping him with his business, and places other demands on my time to help him out. We are not on the "same page" together about it. But at the same time, I am not happy about having them go back to school in the FAll.Any thoughts out there?
How does he feel about other means of educating your children?
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RE: Should I HS if my DH doesn't care? - 7/23/2008 5:24:42 PM
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dramagal
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How does he feel about the children in general?
Does he play with them? Does he go to their games/recitals?
Does he consider the children an interruption in his life and his business?
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Who let the wild donkey go free? Job 39:5.
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RE: Should I HS if my DH doesn't care? - 7/23/2008 6:23:16 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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If he doesn't care about homeschooling, he isn't going to care about public schooling either. So I figure either way you will be on your own, right? So do what you think is right.
I guess as a single homeschooling mom, I think a married mom without much husbandly support could easily homeschool. It's when they are anti-homeschooling that there's a problem.
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Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
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RE: Should I HS if my DH doesn't care? - 7/23/2008 6:48:29 PM
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cynthia
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Are you working with your husband in the family business now? Would you decrease your work load to homeschool the children?
OR
Does your husband increase his need of your help in the business when you are homeschooling as a sort of passive/agressive move?
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RE: Should I HS if my DH doesn't care? - 7/23/2008 7:30:01 PM
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sweetsusie
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Thanks for your responses so far. I do have a part in the business, which if I went back to homeschooling, I'd have both to do. My DH isn't against homeschooling at all, just indifferent about it. And part of the reason I quit homeschooling was because he wasn't giving me the understanding I needed about how much of a time committment it was, and wanted me to be doing things pertaining to making money. I did feel that if God wanted me to homeschool, He'd have to change hubby's heart about it so we'd be on the same page. That hasn't happened yet, but I am very sad about having them go to school, and I don't have peace about it. In other words, HS is just not a priority to him. He's just as indifferent about their public schooling as well. He has his "nose the the grindstone" about his business. He does try to make it to sports games, and spends time with them when he can, but he's not involved with what they are doing with school.
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RE: Should I HS if my DH doesn't care? - 7/24/2008 2:43:18 PM
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cynthia
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Is there anything the children can do to help with the business?
I'm not sure from your response, but it sounds like you are saying that you want to cut back on your work hours in order to homeschool, but your husband doesn't want you to do that. Is this correct?
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: Should I HS if my DH doesn't care? - 7/24/2008 8:21:07 PM
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cindybode
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From: Northwest PA
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair
I think a married mom without much husbandly support could easily homeschool. It's when they are anti-homeschooling that there's a problem.
Exactly. This is where I have been for the past 17 years.
You do need to set some reasonable boundaries with your husband if you decide to homeschool. He can't interrupt you every 5 minutes to ask you to do something with the business. You may have to get pretty firm about this - "Sorry, but I'm not available right now, but I can do that in an hour" - or whatever. He is not going to like it. However, he is an adult, and he should be able to deal with not having your time and attention every minute of the day. If he can't, then take the kids to the library for a few hours so you can get something done.
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If you lock in any creature, from rats to chickens to pigs to people, 10 to 30 or more in a box and force feed them you'll create little monsters. Confinement Education School Operations (CESOs) just don't compare to naturally pastured free-ranged kids.
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RE: Should I HS if my DH doesn't care? - 7/25/2008 1:57:10 PM
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MrsDC
Posts: 150
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From: Sinaloa, Mexico
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I agree with the responses so far.
This comment from the op caught my attention:
quote:
part of the reason I quit homeschooling was because he wasn't giving me the understanding I needed about how much of a time committment it was, and wanted me to be doing things pertaining to making money.
Here is my 'gut response' to that: because I homeschool, I am able to do MANY things at home which -- even though they don't bring in a cash income -- save us BIG bucks. For instance: no new school clothes, lunch boxes, school lunches, running to and from school and school-related events. I'm home to make b-fast, lunch and dinner which saves tons on the food budget, I don't have to hire help with housework which if I was working and the kids were in school I would probably have to do...or else we would drown in laundry. I'm sure there are other things you can think of that you have to pay for now that you wouldn't have to do if the kids were at home. Of course you do have the cost of books, but IMO it's much more cost-effective to homeschool than to send the kids to PS. PLUS you have the added stress of not really being at peace with them in PS. That, in my book, is huge.
Nutshell of my response: If you feel that God is calling you to homeschool and your husband is not against that, you would be outside of God's will to send them to public school. That's a tough statement, but I believe that it's true. I agree that it will be a difficult road, but walking in God's will is seldom an easy choice.
Your greatest challenge will be to keep a respectful and right attitude toward your Dh. He is still the head of the family and the spiritual leader...even if he doesn't lead. It's important that you treat him as the leader and really work to keep cynical/disparaging comments and such out of your vocabulary. The kids probably already know that Dad is apathetic to their education and they will probably use that knowledge to their own advantage if given a chance. Like I said, it'll be hard, but God always supplies where He leads!!!
I hope that was helpful! Keep posting here! These homeschoolers are great encouragement!!!
-- Rebecca
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RE: Should I HS if my DH doesn't care? - 7/27/2008 10:52:13 PM
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sweetsusie
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It is in my heart to homeschool, but I know the challenges it will mean because of the fact that my husband doesn't care one way or another, and he puts a lot of demands on my time to help out with the business. The problem with him not being on the same page as me is that I will get stressed having to do too much. All the housework and household management, the homeschooling 100% myself, and all that I already do to help make money with the business. I wish I had less to do with the business, so I could be "set free" to homeschool. I feel torn, knowing what the stress would be in my life if I did homeschool,(because hubby isn't understanding of the time committment, and will still put "pressure" on me to help with the business) and then the emotional pull of not wanting my kids in public school, feeling like I am missing out on their best years!
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RE: Should I HS if my DH doesn't care? - 7/30/2008 6:41:37 PM
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macokjc
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I am sorry that you are in such a hard place. From your original post, it sounded like the husband said he didn't care what you did; but he REALLY did care because it takes time away from other things. We homeschool, but I am not of the opinion that it is always the best and final answer. I have strong convictions that anything that causes stress and discord between a husband and wife is not God's will - including the matter of homeschooling. He would not ask you to do something that would hinder your relationship with your husband. Your marriage is sacred before Him, and that is of most importance.
Do your children have problems in school, or do you just want them home? Did they learn and thrive where they were at?
If your husband TRULY does not care, then pray for the strength and wisdom to do it all.
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RE: Should I HS if my DH doesn't care? - 7/31/2008 10:56:52 PM
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sweetsusie
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The kids do not have problems at school right now. One will be going into 3rd grade, and has done very well, the other will be going into first grade, and is doing fine as well. BUT..... I'd rather have them home with me for so many reasons.....to give them a christian education, to have more 'hands-on' learning, to live a different lifestyle, to avoid the PS way of doing things,( which I don't agree with many parts of how things are done) Plus, I'd rather not have them with peers all day long, especially as they get older. I don't see the point in having kids and then letting "the world" raise them. The school day is 6 1/2 hours long, plus if I have them take the bus, it adds on another hour and a half of time. It's basically a compilation of my beliefs and way of thinking that makes it hard for me to have a peace about their being in PS.
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RE: Should I HS if my DH doesn't care? - 8/1/2008 12:13:33 AM
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dramagal
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Hi Sweetsusie,
I'm definitely with you on the whole issue of not having your kids in the PS system all day. It's not just the subjects taught, or even the environment; it's the peer structure. People used to ask me about "socialization" of my kids and I would respond, "This is how schools socialize: kids are compartmentalized into age groups and spend all day with each other for years and years, gaining much of their identity from these relationships. Then, people wonder why they give into peer pressure and start smoking/drinking/ . . . It's because they've been taught to listen to the peer group!"
That said, it seems to me from reading all these posts, and especially your responses, that now is the time to pray, pray, pray.
_____________________________
Who let the wild donkey go free? Job 39:5.
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