|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
Should He Stay or Go? - 8/28/2008 6:08:35 PM
|
|
|
Alegra
Posts: 13
Joined: 8/28/2008
Status: offline
|
My husband and I used to attend a nondenominational brethren church but ran into problems with the oversight. (My husband had an affair which ended a year ago, but he was “read-out” of the church by the elders because of his sin.) For the last 9 months he has been attending church with the desire to work out his discipline. The elders have made it known to many people outside and inside the church that they believe my husband is trying to divide the church. They don’t believe that his motives are pure and they believe that he is speaking against the elders.
My husband has repented for his affair and is working through his problems. He has never spoken against the elders or tried to cause any problems in the church – including dividing it.
Should he continue to pursue becoming apart of this church, or should he walk away and go somewhere he can be helped and be a help? What is the scriptural response when elders say you are causing division, when you aren’t?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Should He Stay or Go? - 8/28/2008 6:52:20 PM
|
|
|
Thessa
Posts: 811
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Alegra
My husband and I used to attend a nondenominational brethren church but ran into problems with the oversight. (My husband had an affair which ended a year ago, but he was “read-out” of the church by the elders because of his sin.) For the last 9 months he has been attending church with the desire to work out his discipline. The elders have made it known to many people outside and inside the church that they believe my husband is trying to divide the church. They don’t believe that his motives are pure and they believe that he is speaking against the elders.
My husband has repented for his affair and is working through his problems. He has never spoken against the elders or tried to cause any problems in the church – including dividing it.
Should he continue to pursue becoming apart of this church, or should he walk away and go somewhere he can be helped and be a help? What is the scriptural response when elders say you are causing division, when you aren’t?
I think he should find a new church. One in which the people dont judge a person on their mistakes that they have been forgiven for.
Thats one thing i dislike about the new churches. Alot forget that a church is GODS house. Not theirs. Its up to GOD to forgive someone, and if your husband has repented then he is forgiven. Automatically.
I think that the true colors of the elders are shining through. And its blinding.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Should He Stay or Go? - 8/28/2008 6:55:58 PM
|
|
|
Liveloved
Posts: 1914
Status: offline
|
quote:
Should he continue to pursue becoming apart of this church, or should he walk away and go somewhere he can be helped and be a help? What is the scriptural response when elders say you are causing division, when you aren’t?
Proverbs says "Like a sparrow in its flitting, like a swallow in its flying, so a curse without cause does not alight."(26:2) But I think 'does not alight' means in the long run. Eventually everything will be known. So I would not be concerned about what they think.
However if the elders (and you said plural elders) are saying your husband is causing division, it would take an act of God (such as a Red Sea parting miracle) to change their minds. And that is unlikely. I'd move on.
Once people have formed an opinion about something or someone, it is very hard to change their minds. I'd find a new place where judgments haven't already been formed against you.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Should He Stay or Go? - 8/28/2008 7:09:30 PM
|
|
|
MrSteve
Posts: 41
Joined: 12/27/2005
From: Victoria Texas
Status: offline
|
We used to call this kind of conduct "the left foot of fellowship". The elder leadership seems to have made a decision to act on their own assessment of the situation.
quote:
should he walk away Wouldn't you be going with him??
_____________________________
God Bless,
“MrSteve”
~@¿@~
"This I declare about the Lord; He alone is my refuge, my place of safety. he is my God, and I trust Him."
Psalm 91.2 NLT
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Should He Stay or Go? - 8/28/2008 7:22:47 PM
|
|
|
Alegra
Posts: 13
Joined: 8/28/2008
Status: offline
|
quote:
Wouldn't you be going with him??
I left 2 years ago. I told the elders what had happened in my marriage and they sought to punish my H rather than restore him/our marriage. We were accused then of causing division in the church - by him having an affair. I honestly couldn't emotionally handle a group of people judging our lives - it was the worst event that had happened to either of us and here a group of people were more intent on harming than helping. H and I prayed a lot about it and felt a lot of peace with not going there. We began attending an EV Free church for awhile, but H felt there was unsettled business at the church we left. We spoke with the pastor and he suggested H resolve the issues there, i.e. do what it takes to be removed from discipline. It took over a year to go back, but he did last November. They weren't so pleased to see him and have been pretty cold to him. He's doing what he can to "resolve" any issues, but the elders aren't really intent on making this easy - actually it appears they want to punish him further.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Should He Stay or Go? - 8/28/2008 7:24:27 PM
|
|
|
Alegra
Posts: 13
Joined: 8/28/2008
Status: offline
|
Liveloved and Thessa - thanks for coming by! I appreciate your input. I feel like you do, just not sure what the Lord would have H to do.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Should He Stay or Go? - 8/29/2008 6:29:46 PM
|
|
|
sisrev
Posts: 885
Joined: 8/7/2006
From: The South, ya'll
Status: offline
|
Romans 12:18 states "If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men." It seems to me that we are to make sure that we've done our part to be at peace, to reconcile, but after that, it's up to the other person, as well. So, if he has done all he can do, and they are not interested in restoration and reconciliation, I would say let it rest. Especially if you haven't gone back yourself--that leaves the two of you at two different churches, not usually a good thing in and of itself.
_____________________________
My new blog, A Virtuous Woman
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Should He Stay or Go? - 8/29/2008 11:07:48 PM
|
|
|
TheBibleTRUTH
Posts: 94
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline
|
There are only three kinds of relationships that exist when you are a believer.
1) ones that help your relationship with God
2) ones that hurt your relationship with God
3) on very rare occasions, ones that keep your relationship with God the same.
Seems to me like this is falling under the #2 which means it's not profitable to keep the relationship. Often times people put their feelings above what God wants you to do. They think that if you leave a church and you lose ties with some of them that you hurt all of their feelings. Well if you don't put God first over your emotions and your relationships, then you are hurting God's feelings.
If you continue to keep ties with people that are bringing you away from God, then either you will bring them back to God, or they will bring you away. It seems to me that these pig headed elders and leaders are not going to be brought closer to God by your husband. He should then leave and seek another Church.
Those elders, being critical, are off the word. Everyone is bound to sin and fall short of what God wants them to do, the way we build each other up is to love and comfort one another.
I John 2:9-11
9) He that saith he is in the light, and hateth his brother, is in darkness even until now.
10) He that loveth his brother abideth in the light, and there is none occasion of stumbling in him.
11) But he that hateth his brother is in darkness, and walketh in darkness, and knoweth not whither he goeth, because that darkness hath blinded his eyes.
God bless you in the wonderful name of Jesus Christ
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Should He Stay or Go? - 8/30/2008 7:56:31 AM
|
|
|
Alegra
Posts: 13
Joined: 8/28/2008
Status: offline
|
quote:
There are only three kinds of relationships that exist when you are a believer.
1) ones that help your relationship with God
2) ones that hurt your relationship with God
3) on very rare occasions, ones that keep your relationship with God the same.
I've never thought of relationships in this way before, such a simple guide. Not only does it help to see where others fit in one's life, but where one fits in other's lives. Thank you for this perspective.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Should He Stay or Go? - 8/30/2008 10:28:25 AM
|
|
|
sen10tious
Posts: 348
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
|
So you are not attending this church together?
. . . Here is the biblical order of priority: 1. God, 2. Family, 3. Church.
Your husband ought to place higher priority on meeting his family's needs than on making good with the church elders. Oftentimes seeking restoration with the church would be the better way to meet his family's needs, however, from the way you are telling the story, these elders have problems of their own that are beyond your responsibility or control.
Based on the facts as presented, I think it is time that your husband starts putting your need to have a church where you can minister and be ministered to above his desire to make his own life OK with elders who find his problems annoying.
He should find a place for you; which means he will have to go.
===========
Edit to add:
As long as he is trying harder to please the elders than he is to meet his wife's spiritual needs, he is still being just as selfish as he was when he chose to have an affair.
< Message edited by sen10tious -- 8/30/2008 10:42:47 AM >
_____________________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Should He Stay or Go? - 8/30/2008 10:43:43 AM
|
|
|
deermousie
Posts: 1901
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Alegra
I left 2 years ago. I told the elders what had happened in my marriage and they sought to punish my H rather than restore him/our marriage. We were accused then of causing division in the church - by him having an affair.
God doesn't punish us, so the elders have no biblical basis for their actions. The shepherds of the flock are told by Paul how to act:
2 Timothy 4:2
Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching.
God forgives us when we confess and repent, so the elders are not acting in a biblical manner. To make baseless accusations (is there more to this story?) is to lie and to cause friction and division in the body of Christ - definitely not biblical.
quote:
H and I prayed a lot about it and felt a lot of peace with not going there. We began attending an EV Free church for awhile, but H felt there was unsettled business at the church we left. We spoke with the pastor and he suggested H resolve the issues there, i.e. do what it takes to be removed from discipline. It took over a year to go back, but he did last November. They weren't so pleased to see him and have been pretty cold to him. He's doing what he can to "resolve" any issues, but the elders aren't really intent on making this easy - actually it appears they want to punish him further.
In a situation of wedges being put in people's relationships (your husband's adultery, the elders' reactions), we are called to be at peace as far as we are able. We can't make other people's decisions. So the elders are disobeying this biblical mandate as well.
A similar situation perhaps:
15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.
Is there a higher authority that these elders answer to? Can you go to them for a resolution? Would the pastor of the EVFree church go with you? I've seen that done before, with good results.
Here's a deeper question - do you want to bring charges against these elders for unbiblical behavior? That's really serious. I would go for counsel to a higher-placed leader and ask. It looks like this situation may warrant it, but it would be something that needs to be done right and not taken lightly. I wouldn't do it unless there was out and out sin that was provable on the elders' part and the body of Christ was suffering because of it. Get some very good counsel.
God bless you, dear one of God. I am praying for you today. (((Hugs)))
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
