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Perciving People Through Their Posts - 11/24/2008 12:27:05 PM
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gaylel1
Posts: 1148
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
Status: online
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When you post something on here that is different, do people sort of judge you because of the post and you have to forever defending yourself and let people know that you are not that indivisual which people percive you are?
Let me start...
When I post, and when I post something that people do not agree with, people think that my life is church and I never get out much and other things which are not true. You see, my life is not all about "Church". because first of all, the church is beyond the "building" and the "four walls". The people is the church. This is why I do get out and meet people and go to movies and sporting events and shop and go out to the gym, which I have of late (finally using that membership, lol...:D). And there is something called life, which I work to pay bills and vice versa.
But I have to constantly defend myself on here sometimes because people percive that I'm that person who do not go out and meet people, which I'm not at all.
How do people percive you when you post? Do they judge you when you post something different? Do you have to constantly defend yourself? Or you don't let it pay any attention?
_____________________________
Hear "The Truth" with the "other" Jeff Johnson(http://www.calvarydowney.org)
Visit me at http//:www.gayleplace.blogspot.com or http://www.myspace.com/gaylel121
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RE: Perciving People Through Their Posts - 11/24/2008 12:30:31 PM
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Consecrated2God
Posts: 5147
Joined: 4/4/2005
From: Formerly Jesus Land
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Strange, that's not the way I'd perceived you.
I don't know how people perceive me. I don't really think about it--I'm just who I am.
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Bonky
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RE: Perciving People Through Their Posts - 11/24/2008 2:37:40 PM
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Kellgaste
Posts: 492
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Wyoming
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I have no Idea what people think <shrug>.
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Faith is not Believing God Can -
It is Knowing that He Will
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RE: Perciving People Through Their Posts - 11/24/2008 2:43:28 PM
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jesuschick247
Posts: 2884
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Kellgaste
I have no Idea what people think <shrug>.
Me either...doesn't really matter, who I am is who I am anyways!
_____________________________
"The memories erased...Baby, that's the BEAUTY of GRACE!"
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of someone else." - Judy Garland
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RE: Perciving People Through Their Posts - 11/24/2008 3:19:10 PM
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joy2give2u
Posts: 5124
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Indiana
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quote:
How do people perceive you when you post? Do they judge you when you post something different? Do you have to constantly defend yourself? Or you don't let it pay any attention?
I think some people, especially those I am friends with, perceive me as I am.........I think others ,who do not know me, perceive me differently then I am...............
The thing about knowing someone based on their post is how you see or perceive them is more based on two factors which do not play as large a role in real life where you know and can observe a person.
The first is based on our own experiences and mindsets. How we read words written, especially online, is always filtered through our own mindset, experiences, beliefs and emotions. A good example was a recent thread in morality and ethnics. A man who is highly respected by most people on the threads was attacked and his words read more on others emotions then actual words written. I read what he wrote several times trying to figure out where in the world people read what others were claiming he was saying...........
How we perceive someone based on their posting is largely influences by the filters we use.
A second major contributor in how someone is perceived online is based on how they see themselves, which I might add, can be the same as others would see them in real life, but often is not.
How we see ourselves is a major factor in how we are perceived by others when utilizing online forums as our primary form of communication with them.
I am not saying people are lying about who they are.........I don't think it is lying or attempting to deceive but I do think often how we see ourselves is based a lot on who we want to believe we are then who we may be in real life.
Plus how we see ourselves is dependent on our circle of friends in real life and how we see them shapes how we see ourselves.
For example..........I don't consider myself a real adventurer even though I have probably backpacked, white water rafted, and hiked more then most on these threads..........
One of my best friends, works down on the ice, travels abroad and domestically, to national/state parks, refuges, wild rivers, forest, mts etc.........she spends 6 months if not more of the year off on some great adventure............she is adventurous........not me............
So based on how adventurous is defined by the people in my life I am not adventurous, and since I do not see myself as such my post do not present in such a manor..........but if we were to write down everything each of us has done since we were old enough to travel on our own I would guess that I am probably in the top ten on this thread of people who have lived outdoors type adventurous lives...........does that make sense?
For these reasons I try very hard, though I don't always succeed, to read post based purely on the words written and not on who wrote them. At times people have believed something I wrote was directed at them personally but that is not the usually the case with me...........to be honest, when it comes to discussions, which I love by the way, I rarely look to see who has written a post and focus much more on the words........not thinking about what the person might have been thinking or feeling when they wrote but reading the words and asking myself what do I think about what was said and why, then responding based on those thoughts and not the person.
We do a huge disservice to others and to ourselves when we read words written based on who we think someone else may or may not be..........
We also need to understand the person we believe we know, based on what we have read, is only the person presented to us which may or may not be who a person really is in real life.
From time to time I have friends who read the threads......people who walk, in real life, daily with me and know me well........I ask them to tell me if who I am presenting is who I am or who I think I am.........it is a good way to keep accountability to being yourself...........because the bottom line is it is too easy to be more who you want to be on here then who you really are........
I don't think people judge me by what I write but I do believe people have made assumptions, which are far from accurate, based on how they perceive what I write.
There are times, things people have written in response to something I posted, have shocked me leaving me baffled by their reactions and asking where in the world did that come from............
I think people get defensive, take offense, and often react based on emotions which color how words are written.
I have found often discussions take on the "us against them" mentality where people seem to think a differing opinion, or thought offered, must be found flawed so that theirs will be right........I don't understand this mentality............
We grow through discussions, where we are challenged to think and reflect on another's viewpoint, which often leads to a stronger conviction in what we believe..........this is always good..........
A discussion where everyone agrees never challenges us to ask why do I believe what I do and doesn't encourage growth.
< Message edited by joy2give2u -- 11/24/2008 3:26:11 PM >
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Transformation happens NOT when we get through scripture BUT when scripture gets through Us
Lake Michigan
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RE: Perciving People Through Their Posts - 11/24/2008 4:08:55 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8020
Joined: 9/5/2006
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I'm transparent. I am in real life who I am here.
How do people perceive me? It really doesn't matter. The ones who need to hear what I say will hear it and the others will ignore it.
If God uses this site to bring someone to me, then they will receive what I say and see me as pretty good. If they don't see me as pretty good than obviously God didn't bring them.
So I'm not going to worry about how people see me. Most folks need glasses anyway.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Perciving People Through Their Posts - 11/24/2008 7:21:01 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3417
Joined: 6/8/2005
From: a mother who let me live
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gaylel1 --
I have the problem of a tendency of allowing people's avatars impress me -- like if they put up a real-looking avatar, I think it must be THEM, so I perceive them by that picture. Unfortunately, I have gotten both feet stuck in my mouth by that assumption! But believe me, I don't perceive you as a turkey! 
My perception of you? I assume you are young, female, educated, active, you like sports, Christian, active in your church, able to be silent when necessary or when you prefer, not overly-chatty . . . that's my perception. Am I wrong? Would you tell me if I am?
I guess for myself, I don't worry about it. I am who I am, and when people don't like me, they ignore me, but most people are kind, even when we disagree.
_____________________________
Abiyah
"Ladies and gentlemen, there are things that you will only be able to learn by the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses." ~~Gianna Jesson, 1977 LA, CA, saline abortion survivor
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RE: Perciving People Through Their Posts - 11/24/2008 7:23:15 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3269
Status: online
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I think I give a glimpse of the many facets of my personality and character through my posts, but the people that knows me are the ones that I've communicated with behind the scenes because they not only know of me or know something about me, but they know more of who I am inside. I do feel very misunderstood from time to time, but that's the same whether I am online or in real life. I misunderstand people as well because of my perception, but the Lord is correcting this thinking and giving me more patience to not label or judge people too easily. Remember that we don't always show who we are, especially if we've had trust issues in the past that we carry to our present reality. So, don't feel bad if you're misunderstood, because chances are, you also misunderstand people. Now, with that thinking in mind, try to show different aspects of your personality, and I'm sure people will start seeing the whole you.
And Gayle, I know that you have a heart for God. I see it every time you post.
_____________________________
Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
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RE: Perciving People Through Their Posts - 11/24/2008 9:50:51 PM
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song
Posts: 307
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Southern Florida
Status: offline
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I guess I don't think that much. 
It really doesn't matter to me if/when/how people judge me.
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you are beautiful my sweet sweet song...
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RE: Perciving People Through Their Posts - 11/24/2008 11:37:32 PM
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OneJohn410
Posts: 1517
Joined: 6/1/2008
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Hi Gayle,
I always try to post something different, lest I be accused for being another brother John on this forum. There's quite a few, btw. However, I'm not as transparent as John_O, I try to pace myself better with my attempts at humor and non-flirting than he does. Yes, I'm slightly opaque.
Defend my post? That sounds like you've been over in Current Events court, where everything must be documented. No one has come after me in a thread and questioned my reason for saying something. Usually here in Singles country, all that is done with a PM behind the scenes. So I doubt you'd be challenged much right out in the open. Now there have been times when a post or two of mine (me, thinking them rather clever and timely) were for all intents and purposes thrown under the bus and that was that for them. And sure, that makes me want to copy them but change a word or two so as not to spam and post them again, and again, until finally I get recognized. But that's a real rarity. Ususally they are just cruised by without being thrown under the bus.
There are threads around here where shoes are thrown and heads are ducked, and occasionally there's some bruises, but for the most part no one's thrown anything at me either.
So welcome, Gayle, to some safer dirt(?) to look for bird food on? Me, I fly away and get fish or berries and then come back in for a visit every now and then.
quote:
ORIGINAL: gaylel1
When you post something on here that is different, do people sort of judge you because of the post and you have to forever defending yourself and let people know that you are not that indivisual which people percive you are?
Let me start...
When I post, and when I post something that people do not agree with, people think that my life is church and I never get out much and other things which are not true. You see, my life is not all about "Church". because first of all, the church is beyond the "building" and the "four walls". The people is the church. This is why I do get out and meet people and go to movies and sporting events and shop and go out to the gym, which I have of late (finally using that membership, lol...:D). And there is something called life, which I work to pay bills and vice versa.
But I have to constantly defend myself on here sometimes because people percive that I'm that person who do not go out and meet people, which I'm not at all.
How do people percive you when you post? Do they judge you when you post something different? Do you have to constantly defend yourself? Or you don't let it pay any attention?
_____________________________
For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. -Romans 15:4 (NIV)
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RE: Perciving People Through Their Posts - 11/25/2008 12:53:09 AM
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rgod
Posts: 1774
Joined: 4/25/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: gaylel1
When you post something on here that is different, do people sort of judge you because of the post and you have to forever defending yourself and let people know that you are not that indivisual which people percive you are?
Let me start...
When I post, and when I post something that people do not agree with, people think that my life is church and I never get out much and other things which are not true. You see, my life is not all about "Church". because first of all, the church is beyond the "building" and the "four walls". The people is the church. This is why I do get out and meet people and go to movies and sporting events and shop and go out to the gym, which I have of late (finally using that membership, lol...:D). And there is something called life, which I work to pay bills and vice versa.
But I have to constantly defend myself on here sometimes because people percive that I'm that person who do not go out and meet people, which I'm not at all.
How do people percive you when you post? Do they judge you when you post something different? Do you have to constantly defend yourself? Or you don't let it pay any attention?
Hi Gayle,
I'm not sure how people perceive me when I post, but for the most part, people are pretty nice to me on here and IRL when they talk with me. I think that the way I am IRL is pretty much how I am here - only IRL I'm much quieter - so you guys have access to some of my internal chatter. I have very strong opinions about some things, but by nature am analytical and think a lot about how what I'm going to say will be perceived - how will it be received? It is kind of like a chess match in my head - if I say this - to this person - then this could happen, then that, then the other thing. So, I usually think about what I'm going to say and exactly how I'm going to say it. I do that in real life too. A lot of people think that is beating around the bush, but I think it is more a tendency to be diplomatic. If I disagree with someone I try to keep it about the issue and not respond personally, even when someone else is attacking me (happens a lot in the current events folder).
My perception of you is that you have several different facets to your personality and life - and that your church life is but one side. You seem to be quite plain-spoken and you stick to the Word. You seem to be the type of person that doesn't compromise much. That all by itself is going to get you a lot of negative comments. You also seem to be an honest person - and you can see through the bull. You are kind of like the kid who saw that the emperor has no clothes and said so. You aren't going to pretend just to go along with the crowd. I think a lot of people see the strong part of you and push back against that - I've read some responses to what you've said that have sometimes seemed to be somewhat harsh compared to your original query or statement. I think a lot of it is because you tend to speak in absolute terms rather than in shades of gray. I don't think that is a bad thing - I have a really good friend who is similarly and she sometimes runs into problems with people over this. But she is so tender and sweet - I'm thankful that she is my friend. Similarly Gayle, I think that there is softness to you that is very sweet, very disarming. I think a lot of people see that as well. You also seem like the kind of person who would help people, reach out to those that maybe others have forgotten. And you seem to be true to your word. My perception of you is that you are quite sensitive as well and when people push back against what you've said, that it can be hurtful for you. I personally appreciate you because of your convictions and the fact that you are determined to stand for Christ and also, even if I don't agree with you, I always know where you position on an issue - and often you give me things to think about. I think that is quite powerful.
I think that in generally, people who are plain-spoken and have strong opinions, have more conflict. I've noticed this in this folder as well as others on this message board, so you are definitely not alone in that regard.
Gayle, I would say, don't worry too much about people because those opinions change every day. Just concentrate on the Lord and say what he gives you to say in the way he gives you to say it. We serve a good God.
< Message edited by rgod -- 11/25/2008 8:02:46 AM >
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RE: Perciving People Through Their Posts - 11/25/2008 7:40:27 AM
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TNBelle
Posts: 419
Joined: 10/10/2008
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I don't think I've posted enough yet for people to really get a good sense of who I am. And that may not change, I don't know.
What I do know, though, is that I was raised in a home where nothing was ever said directly - all conversation was either superficial or indirect/circular. To this day I have a very hard time being direct or accepting direct comments/questions from others without putting up my shields. I've become more aware of it and I am trying to do a better job in facing things that need to be faced. I have to fight my natural tendency to sweep things under the rug (pretend they'll go away) and carry on.
So, how does this translate to online conversations? I have a tendency to always want to "play nice" - to the point of not contributing to threads that have even a hint of disagreement or snarkiness to them. <shrugs> I think that as I become more comfortable here I will join in more conversations, though. We'll see!
quote:
ORIGINAL: rgod
Gayle, I would say, don't worry too much about people because those opinions change every day. Just concentrate on the Lord and say what he gives you to say in the way he gives you to say it. We serve a good God.
I think this is an excellent point and one I need to remember. Thanks rgod!
Blessings,
Belle
_____________________________
Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.
~Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
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RE: Perciving People Through Their Posts - 11/25/2008 10:49:38 AM
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rgod
Posts: 1774
Joined: 4/25/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: TNBelle
What I do know, though, is that I was raised in a home where nothing was ever said directly - all conversation was either superficial or indirect/circular. To this day I have a very hard time being direct or accepting direct comments/questions from others without putting up my shields. I've become more aware of it and I am trying to do a better job in facing things that need to be faced. I have to fight my natural tendency to sweep things under the rug (pretend they'll go away) and carry on.
So, how does this translate to online conversations? I have a tendency to always want to "play nice" - to the point of not contributing to threads that have even a hint of disagreement or snarkiness to them. <shrugs> I think that as I become more comfortable here I will join in more conversations, though. We'll see!
Belle - I can really relate to what you've said here. I'm glad you've decided to post here. For myself, I've found that these forums have helped me to grow and develop in some ways - particularly in accessing and expressing some of my feelings about issues. I understand too what you mean about snarky threads although sometimes I do jump right on into the fray. But I'm peaceloving by nature, so I don't feel comfortable with lots of dissension - though I realize that to stand my ground, sometimes it will occur.
I do agree, that as you become more comfortable, you'll probably join in more. I hope you do, I'd like to hear what you have to say.
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RE: Perciving People Through Their Posts - 11/25/2008 1:08:13 PM
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netstroller
Posts: 188
Joined: 4/14/2005
From: dust and ashes
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quote:
ORIGINAL: gaylel1
But I have to constantly defend myself on here sometimes because people percive that I'm that person who do not go out and meet people, which I'm not at all.
How do people percive you when you post? Do they judge you when you post something different? Do you have to constantly defend yourself? Or you don't let it pay any attention?
I don't spend much time here anymore so maybe am not current on the posts around here, but I don't perceive you in the ways you mentioned in the OP. Generally though, given that our posts are what all others see of us on the forum, they are all that their perception of us can be based on.
When we interact with another, we have to have a conception of who they are: that's natural and essential, otherwise it'd be like talking to thin air rather than a person. And even in the best circumstances there will be misunderstandings and misconceptions. The limited communication that can happen on a forum only multiply those pitfalls. I try to keep in mind these limitations and not be too concerned about what others think of me and not take things too personally, and try to keep those pitfalls in mind when formulating my opinions of other posters.
Sometimes people just have different views on things, and I just accept that fact and try not to take disagreements personally.
_____________________________
...let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, ...
(Heb 12:1-2)
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RE: Perciving People Through Their Posts - 11/25/2008 1:39:08 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3417
Joined: 6/8/2005
From: a mother who let me live
Status: offline
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quote:
Sometimes I have to read a post multiple times before I understand not only the words that are being written, but also the message and intent of those words.
Yeah -- what she wrote. Sometimes, I have to wait a day or two, too, in order to understand what I think their intent is -- and then I am still sometimes wrong!!
_____________________________
Abiyah
"Ladies and gentlemen, there are things that you will only be able to learn by the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses." ~~Gianna Jesson, 1977 LA, CA, saline abortion survivor
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RE: Perciving People Through Their Posts - 11/25/2008 1:43:02 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 23491
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here . . . but subject to change; stay tuned
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Abiyah, you brought up a very good point . . . time.
I think a lot of misperceptions, misunderstandings and hurt feelings often happen because people get zippy flying fingers and they hastily post their point without really digesting about what was really said.
Our Lord has really been teaching me to just walk away . . . whether it be a thread, a specific post, or a poster in general, and to just be quiet . . . sometimes permanently (regarding a thread, post or poster); sometimes temporarily.
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RE: Perciving People Through Their Posts - 11/25/2008 1:50:45 PM
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shemaromans
Posts: 3751
Joined: 3/30/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
Abiyah, you brought up a very good point . . . time.
I think a lot of misperceptions, misunderstandings and hurt feelings often happen because people get zippy flying fingers and they hastily post their point without really digesting about what was really said.
Our Lord has really been teaching me to just walk away . . . whether it be a thread, a specific post, or a poster in general, and to just be quiet . . . sometimes permanently (regarding a thread, post or poster); sometimes temporarily.
This sums up one of two major lessons that I've learned since participating on the forums, especially the last paragraph.
Thank you for extending CM's idea and articulating my your thoughts so well.
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
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RE: Perciving People Through Their Posts - 11/25/2008 1:55:25 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 23491
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here . . . but subject to change; stay tuned
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Shema, I'm intrigued . . . what is the other major lesson you have learned from participating in these forums?
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RE: Perciving People Through Their Posts - 11/25/2008 1:55:44 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3417
Joined: 6/8/2005
From: a mother who let me live
Status: offline
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I should admit that sometimes, I also play dumb when someone's intention is obviously a negative one, because it just doesn't matter what someone thinks about me when it isn't the truth. 
I know, too, that there is another side of this issue -- that we can like another profoundly simply by what we see on this flat, cold screen. I easily just like people -- sometimes too easily, although that has not been a negative thing on CW. But I am constantly aware that I must be careful with my positive feelings toward another. The fact is that just because we are open, honest, genuine, "out there" doesn't mean that everyone else is like that.
_____________________________
Abiyah
"Ladies and gentlemen, there are things that you will only be able to learn by the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses." ~~Gianna Jesson, 1977 LA, CA, saline abortion survivor
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), and that's okay. People don't need to agree with me, or even like me for that matter. In fact, someone flat told me they were simply going to ignore me. (it made me laugh out loud) *shrugs* Eh. I don't worry about it. 
RE: Perciving People Through Their Posts - 
