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Okay, Okay, Okay - 11/29/2008 11:18:37 PM
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song
Posts: 307
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Southern Florida
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What do you do if you like/have a crush on/etc.... the pastor?
(Yes, people, he's single.  )
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you are beautiful my sweet sweet song...
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RE: Okay, Okay, Okay - 11/29/2008 11:44:07 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
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1. Sit in the front row.
2. Participate in any ministries he's involved in that you can be involved in, too (obviously you can't go to men's group).
3. Dress nicely (yet still modestly) for church.
4. If you have a good married friend, preferably with kids (they tend to keep tension at bay) ask her to invite you and him (and maybe a few others) on the same Sunday.
5.Pray about it.
6. Ask us to pray about it.
7. Keep an open mind. I want this with all my heart for you, but God could still lead him to someone else, so guard your heart from getting broken.
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RE: Okay, Okay, Okay - 11/29/2008 11:56:24 PM
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SamsonUSA
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Sorry I don't want to rain on your parade but I know a couple single Pastors that hope to marry someday and neither one would even consider the option of dating a women from his flock.
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Chubby babies rock!
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RE: Okay, Okay, Okay - 11/30/2008 12:19:17 AM
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skreyola
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I agree with what OneofHisJewels said and with what SamsonUSA said.
So, I don't know what to tell you. If he's not open to dating someone within his flock, you could start attending a different church while you pursue the relationship. 
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-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
I run Debian Linux (http://www.debian.org/)
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RE: Okay, Okay, Okay - 11/30/2008 1:39:27 AM
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OneJohn410
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Hey Song,
I'm not responding to this one lightly, and not trying to be heavy on it either. So as I get warmed up, I don't want light or heavy because I'm awestruck you've given us this thread to address situations like this. Very gutsy, and I hope this one doesn't just end in you being buried with replies- but is maybe an ongoing ministry thread for others in ok, ok, ok situations. Not pure panic, just whoa now, what I do now?
If it was me, what would I do with a crush or like-crush on my pastor. First, I'd really strive to just replace the thoughts of the word crush with 'desire to get to know better.' I'd do that because if I didn't, I'd just be so high-flying on emotion I'd do something totally not of my normal day-to-day and only after realize the damage was done and there's now a wall between she and I. Chance of relationship nil.
If you do that, then no matter what you do, you are working toward finding out more about him as a friend first. No matter whether he's already dating someone else from another church, or another state, or halfway around the world, you are building a friendship. There's no chance for heartbreak, or stupidity, or anything else but finding a friend who seeks to lead a church of people toward knowing the Lord better and better in life.
You won't have to change churches to do this, or much of anything differently but to be yourself. If you are unable to find gatherings that bring church singles and their single pastor together, you and some friends can host one? If there's the objective of dating the pastor in what you do, and you think you are the only single female at church that has such a thought... ouch! Right? Suddenly things get ugly with the single sisters at church. Feelings are hurt. Jealousies rage. The mixers you all would do- if they are not just long enough for everyone to feel some edification and be over with- I think that's what really steals from singles get-togethers I've been at lately. They are too lengthy, too overly planned, or seek to accomplish too much. I think this is why some choose not to return to them, yet be iffy about whether they will be there or not.
In Christ,
OneJohn410
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For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. -Romans 15:4 (NIV)
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RE: Okay, Okay, Okay - 11/30/2008 3:47:40 PM
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song
Posts: 307
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From: Southern Florida
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Wow. Ya'll are lovely. I honestly didn't expect to get replies! Haha.
I loved your suggestions, OneOfHisJewels.
We really are just becoming friends. And the neat thing is, I forget that he's "a pastor" most of the time. He doesn't have that "superior than thou" aura thing going on, y'know? Not that he seems "of the world" or anything. Maybe that's understandable. He is young.
It's also a bigger church so he's one of many pastors... I think that's an important detail.
I honestly don't see him showing any interest in me, ever. But only God knows the future I'm told.
And yes, WaitingforBoaz, I have thought about it. I have desired for a long time to be involved in full time ministry eventually and was actually a missionary for a while, even before meeting him. The two of us are friends and I do know he's not sure being a pastor is what he wants to do forever, but it's where God has called him to be right now.
Oh, and I'm very good at keeping my own secrets. This would never be mentioned to a mutual friend of our's.
Thanks for those who said they would pray! That's neat to find people who don't even know what your face looks like that would take time to pray about your life.
_____________________________
you are beautiful my sweet sweet song...
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RE: Okay, Okay, Okay - 11/30/2008 6:47:58 PM
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skreyola
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WaitingforBoaz
quote:
ORIGINAL: skreyola
I agree with what OneofHisJewels said and with what SamsonUSA said.
So, I don't know what to tell you. If he's not open to dating someone within his flock, you could start attending a different church while you pursue the relationship.
I would not jump into leaving your church, unless you know that this is a value that your pastor holds, not all do.
I agree completely. Sorry if I didn't make that clear.
_____________________________
-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
I run Debian Linux (http://www.debian.org/)
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RE: Okay, Okay, Okay - 11/30/2008 9:52:04 PM
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WaitingforBoaz
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quote:
ORIGINAL: song
Wow. Ya'll are lovely. I honestly didn't expect to get replies! Haha.
I loved your suggestions, OneOfHisJewels.
We really are just becoming friends. And the neat thing is, I forget that he's "a pastor" most of the time. He doesn't have that "superior than thou" aura thing going on, y'know? Not that he seems "of the world" or anything. Maybe that's understandable. He is young.
It's also a bigger church so he's one of many pastors... I think that's an important detail.
I honestly don't see him showing any interest in me, ever. But only God knows the future I'm told.
And yes, WaitingforBoaz, I have thought about it. I have desired for a long time to be involved in full time ministry eventually and was actually a missionary for a while, even before meeting him. The two of us are friends and I do know he's not sure being a pastor is what he wants to do forever, but it's where God has called him to be right now.
Oh, and I'm very good at keeping my own secrets. This would never be mentioned to a mutual friend of our's.
Thanks for those who said they would pray! That's neat to find people who don't even know what your face looks like that would take time to pray about your life.
My husband was a pastor when I married him, and several years into our marriage he decided to take a sabatical, and never went back. He went into the financials and loved it.  He never really did stop being a pastor, he shepharded everyone he came in contact with.
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RE: Okay, Okay, Okay - 12/1/2008 7:37:45 AM
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rgod
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WaitingforBoaz
My husband was a pastor when I married him, and several years into our marriage he decided to take a sabatical, and never went back. He went into the financials and loved it. He never really did stop being a pastor, he shepharded everyone he came in contact with.
I had to chuckle at this because once you are called to ministry and you say yes, you really are changed forever. It is like, your heart is opened in a different way and you can't put it back in the previous shape again. I'm glad though that he found something else that he loved.
song - I would just say follow the Lord on this one. It sounds like you are developing a nice friendship with this man. I loved OneOfHisJewel's advice . Very practical. I'm taking notes :) When a person is in ministry, often people don't treat them like ... well ... people. It is like, all of a sudden, you are on a pedestal or you are the target. And sometimes other women ... ay yi yi ... let's just say there are some women who are quite aggressive when it comes to ministers. So, just to know someone who is nice, sweet, pretty - and sees him as a person - as a man - like you do - is probably quite a gift to him. So, just enjoy getting to know him - and see what develops.
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RE: Okay, Okay, Okay - 12/1/2008 2:44:42 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 4479
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rgod
When a person is in ministry, often people don't treat them like ... well ... people. It is like, all of a sudden, you are on a pedestal or you are the target. And sometimes other women ... ay yi yi ... let's just say there are some women who are quite aggressive when it comes to ministers.
right ... i just finished up a class on ministerial ethics and it's quite common for women (single and married) to develop crushes on their pastor ... it's only natural for parishioners to feel love and admiration toward their shepherd ... i'm not saying this your case at all, but i'd pray to try to find out the reasons you're crushing ... is it the idea of falling in love with a pastor, or actually seeing traits you desire in someone, or the man itself ... please don't think i'm implying you are crushing for the wrong reason(s), i just think it'd be helpful to examine the crush more as there are a lot more dynamics going on often ...
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RE: Okay, Okay, Okay - 12/1/2008 3:09:19 PM
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laura...
Posts: 2925
Joined: 3/1/2005
From: NE Ohio
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quote:
right ... i just finished up a class on ministerial ethics and it's quite common for women (single and married) to develop crushes on their pastor ...
My first thought was...join the crowd. I would venture to say that most of the single ladies and a few of the married ones in your congregation have a crush on him too. You might as well add all of the teen girls to that list. Get your emotions under control and keep your thought-life disciplined.
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This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
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RE: Okay, Okay, Okay - 12/1/2008 3:43:13 PM
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Psalms274
Posts: 2244
Joined: 8/13/2005
From: Georgia
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quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
quote:
ORIGINAL: rgod
When a person is in ministry, often people don't treat them like ... well ... people. It is like, all of a sudden, you are on a pedestal or you are the target. And sometimes other women ... ay yi yi ... let's just say there are some women who are quite aggressive when it comes to ministers.
right ... i just finished up a class on ministerial ethics and it's quite common for women (single and married) to develop crushes on their pastor ... it's only natural for parishioners to feel love and admiration toward their shepherd ... i'm not saying this your case at all, but i'd pray to try to find out the reasons you're crushing ... is it the idea of falling in love with a pastor, or actually seeing traits you desire in someone, or the man itself ... please don't think i'm implying you are crushing for the wrong reason(s), i just think it'd be helpful to examine the crush more as there are a lot more dynamics going on often ...
Very true ...
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I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
Linus, my dog, little Kaleigh and Sally!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: Okay, Okay, Okay - 12/1/2008 6:00:11 PM
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9drtr
Posts: 1685
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From: Toronto the Good
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quote:
ORIGINAL: song
What do you do if you like/have a crush on/etc.... the pastor?
I'd have to get a sex-change operation.
_____________________________
Edwin
When we know who is coming, how can we worry about what is coming? When the last hour belongs to us, how can we worry about the next minute?
Ross Crighton
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RE: Okay, Okay, Okay - 12/1/2008 7:12:21 PM
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song
Posts: 307
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Southern Florida
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rgod
song - I would just say follow the Lord on this one. It sounds like you are developing a nice friendship with this man. I loved OneOfHisJewel's advice . Very practical. I'm taking notes :) When a person is in ministry, often people don't treat them like ... well ... people. It is like, all of a sudden, you are on a pedestal or you are the target. And sometimes other women ... ay yi yi ... let's just say there are some women who are quite aggressive when it comes to ministers. So, just to know someone who is nice, sweet, pretty - and sees him as a person - as a man - like you do - is probably quite a gift to him. So, just enjoy getting to know him - and see what develops.
Yeah, that's the plan. I don't like him because he's a pastor but I know that because he's a pastor it makes the situation different then if I liked the milk man.
_____________________________
you are beautiful my sweet sweet song...
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RE: Okay, Okay, Okay - 12/3/2008 9:31:47 PM
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song
Posts: 307
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Southern Florida
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quote:
ORIGINAL: skreyola
quote:
ORIGINAL: BugLady
. . . there's something very appealing about a milk man. 
that he carries cool refreshment around with him and knows how to navigate in the city?
I always imagined the milk man as a very nice sort of man.
_____________________________
you are beautiful my sweet sweet song...
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