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Not the churchy type - 10/31/2008 4:50:25 PM
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Prairiehiker
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You’ve read a few threads here with women asking about age, weight, and how theser factors appeals to men. Well, how about attitudes. How does it really appeal to the average Christian male (if there is such thing as average).
I guess my point is that attitude does a lot on the overall likeability of a person, and thus affect their overall attractiveness and desirability. I’ve always thought I have a pretty good attitude and it does add to the overall appeal. However, I don’t seem to attract any Christian men. I have no problem attracting non Christian male but at some point in this life, I’d like to date one who is on fire for God. But how do I attract one of them when I’m not the churchy type. I didn’t grow up in the Christian circles though I’ve always had believers as friends. I’ve always been somewaht of a free thinker. I’ve always wrestled with my belief but I stick with it. I don’t speak Christianese. I’m too quirky. Too real and honest most of the time. I am too lighthearted, but I have an extremely serious side that takes a long time to come out. I feel like I’m too different from a typical Christian female personality or the typical perception of the Proverbs 31 woman. I guess I spent most of my adult life living in the world, that my general attitude about life, about being carefree and adventurous is somewhat different from the churchy type. My experiences has influence me a lot both positively and negatively. I’m different, but I am a Christ follower–genuine, and committed. I serve, but in different capacity and not always in church because I believe service is what we do with our life, not with just a couple of hours a week.
So, while I have no problem attracting people, I don’t know how to attract a Christian male. I feel like I have to change to much, which I’m not willing to do. I think I have a great attitude towards life in general. I just don’t know how to be perceived as a true Christian believer when the first impression I give is that I’m too worldly which I’m not. Any suggestion? Not that I'm looking right now.
< Message edited by Prairiehiker -- 11/1/2008 6:33:31 PM >
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RE: Not the churchy type - 11/1/2008 11:26:48 AM
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ajlewis
Posts: 194
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From: State of Confusion
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
...I’m not the churchy type. I didn’t grow up in the Christian circles though I’ve always had believers as friends. I’ve always been somewaht of a free thinker. I’ve always wrestled with my belief but I stick with it. I don’t speak Christianese. I’m too quirky.... I feel like I’m too different from a typical Christian [female] personality...I guess I spent most of my adult life living in the world, that my general attitude about life, about being carefree and adventurous is somewhat different from the churchy type. My experiences has influence me a lot both positively and negatively. I’m different, but I am a Christ follower–genuine, and committed. I serve, but in different capacity and not always in church because I believe service is what we do with our life, not with just a couple of hours a week.
I just don’t know how to be perceived as a true Christian believer when the first impression I give is that I’m too worldly which I’m not. Any suggestion? Not that I'm looking right now.
I could have written pretty much the same thing. On one hand I respect a lady who knows what she believes and is not afraid to share it. On the other hand if I meet a churchaholic and all they talk about is their faith, their "testamony", how much Jesus means to them, yadda, yadda, I'll be thinking"...I don't mean squat to you, see ya later..." To me, that's a red flag that they probably don't have much of a life.
I once came across a line that goes something like "...stop sounding like a Christian and start being one" That hit me in the head like a hammer.
I don't know as far as suggestions other than be yourself and keep your discernment sharp. If you don’t speak Christianese and all that be proud of it and don't worry about it. Its the type of person you are and what you believe that really matters.
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RE: Not the churchy type - 11/1/2008 6:37:55 PM
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Prairiehiker
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Thanks AJ. Those are encouraging words. I'm glad I'm not the only person who feels that way.
I do belong to a church but that's not what i mean by "churchy". I meant that I'm not the religious type who are more "institutionalized" by the church rather than walking in the reality of Jesus' love. I guess my walk with Christ is so personal, that I feel that comfortable being with Him with all my personality quirks and all my "wild" nature that I have no problem being real with people. I have no problem sitting down with people and listening to their problems, but if one is expecting me to spew out one encouraging bible verse after another, sorry, I don't do life like that. I do know my bible and well versed in Christian apologetics, but there is proper times for them and not every situation calls out for bible verses. Oftentimes, giving people our time and attention is the best way to show people how much God loves them.
This is partially about dating, but also partially about being accepted in a Christian community in general. I'm just getting a little discouraged with not being able to fit in with the rest of the Christian crowd. Maybe I'm more comfortable discussing and sharing my faith with someone when I'm out on a hiking trail or coffee shop than when I'm in a bible study settings.
On a good note, my very best friend is a Christian who accepts me wholeheartedly. Of course, she's always said that if she had been a man, we'd be married already, lol. We're like completely the same in our core though our personalities are different.
Merci 
< Message edited by Prairiehiker -- 11/1/2008 6:56:39 PM >
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RE: Not the churchy type - 11/2/2008 1:57:06 AM
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OneJohn410
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Some churches call them retreats- weekend times of fellowship and casual worship and an inspirational speaker in a camp-like setting. Maybe your church could be interested in / inspired to try something like this. My church has some caving team members in it. Sometimes people just need to feel invited. Sometimes that means confirming there's a good list of four or five people that will sign the sign-up sheet Before you post it. You could lead a day hike, or an overnighter trip somewhere.
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For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. -Romans 15:4 (NIV)
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RE: Not the churchy type - 11/2/2008 9:32:25 AM
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Prairiehiker
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneJohn410
Some churches call them retreats- weekend times of fellowship and casual worship and an inspirational speaker in a camp-like setting. Maybe your church could be interested in / inspired to try something like this. My church has some caving team members in it. Sometimes people just need to feel invited. Sometimes that means confirming there's a good list of four or five people that will sign the sign-up sheet Before you post it. You could lead a day hike, or an overnighter trip somewhere.
One JOhn, I have to say I am highly disappointed in you. What's with the straightforward post? Where's the allegory? The riddles? Are you dumbing down your post so I can understand it finally? It lacks your creative flare? Your usual spunkiness is missing. What's up with you, my good friend?
Good advice and to the point. I already had that in mind in the prayer forum. It was a vision of creating a small group that's also an activity group. I mean, what's way cooler than studying and discussing the scripture while out hiking or skiing. It's still in the prayer and planning stage though. And this one issue of feeling like I'm too unconventional in my thinking and my approach to life is making me feel a bit not qualified to start this group.
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Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
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RE: Not the churchy type - 11/3/2008 10:35:52 AM
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OneJohn410
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Don't think the idea to an early death. Don't make the activity too 'non-family' friendly if you want a mixed company of people. Do not be afraid to step outside your comfort zone and try new, unfamiliar things after praying about them. I've read more than practiced that it's right there at that point that there's not much of anyone's 'you' there left to see things succeed, and if it's a God-thing, He's going to move in and things are going to continue and happen- because a group of people have prayed that it does.
This is, as you say, an activity you'd want some help with and not something you'd run all by yourself. Praying that the team starts forming up and there's some neat planning sessions for it. I think you've got enough planning in your own mind to make it happen and just need a collective push now.
_____________________________
For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. -Romans 15:4 (NIV)
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RE: Not the churchy type - 11/3/2008 5:36:13 PM
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Prairiehiker
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quote:
Don't think the idea to an early death. Don't make the activity too 'non-family' friendly if you want a mixed company of people. Do not be afraid to step outside your comfort zone and try new, unfamiliar things after praying about them. I've read more than practiced that it's right there at that point that there's not much of anyone's 'you' there left to see things succeed, and if it's a God-thing, He's going to move in and things are going to continue and happen- because a group of people have prayed that it does.
OneJohn, please take your smart pill. I miss your wit! LOL.
Yes, it's supposed to be family friendly activity. I love introducing kids to hiking and skiing and being active and lovign the outdoors early in life. My daughter was 3 when she first hiked a mountain, and I didn't even had to carry her at all. So, the group I had in mind would allow anyone interested in the study of apologetics, and if anyone interested in doing outdoorsy stuff some other day, or take the study outside make it a group outing, then that would be great.
Still praying. I spoke to a couple of people in church last Sunday who were interested.
I'm at work, so I gotta keep it short. Thanks for responding.
< Message edited by Prairiehiker -- 11/3/2008 5:49:55 PM >
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RE: Not the churchy type - 11/8/2008 10:29:10 AM
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humbleinspirit
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Hi Prairie, when you say that you are not the churchy type, can you elaborate on that more? I think that you just haven't met the right Christian guy yet. Not all men have lived in the church their whole life. There are some guys who are outside the lines and yet on fire for God. Have you thought about serving in some kind of ministry? You might meet a good quality Christian guy there.
Just my 2 cents anyway. 
Blessings,
Mike
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RE: Not the churchy type - 11/8/2008 12:18:20 PM
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lightbeamrider
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Small group bible studies have always been a great place for me to get to know other Christians on a different level. Most churches attended are usually full of married family types with the children in tow. Little ole me being a divorced male does not always fit in. Also being naturally suspicious and introverted by nature does not help as far as socialization with other Christians go. I do have two Christian friends who are older and my attitude and outlook are always better when i spend time with them. Also when i find the time to attend bible studies on a regular basis along with prayer groups i have found am far better at dealing with the outside world as it pertains to a healthy attitude towards unbelievers. Am able to show the love of Christ far more effectively which i believe is the most powerful thing Christians have going for them in winning others to Christ and always has been. If i isolate into my world of books i tend to become more pagan in my thinking in many subtle ways. Socialization prayer and bible studies have much value for me. This leads to other activities of a healthy nature, meals together etc. Before becoming Christian i never knew such intimate friendships with both male and females were possible or even desirable. At work i am the only Christian i know of. The folks there are hard working responsible types but have no interest in church activities or in Christ. Since it is a mix of younger males and females and since we work long hours together there is the usual situations which develop, the after work meetings at the bar which i stay clear of. It wud probably be easy for me to date females from work, some have indicated interest (?) The problem being i do not want to get too involved with a female who declines church attendance with me or tolerates my beliefs as an unusual quirk of nature they will have to endure. Who needs that? Life is too short. Besides when one gets older one has a tendency to think more from the neck up on these things. Probably the most intimate thing a man and a woman can do together is pray. At least that has been my experience. In our culture we associate intimacy with physical activities but there is an intimacy which exists which is totally apart from sex. Folks can be intimate with each other and not sexual and sexual and not intimate. The one female i work with is married and is facing prison time for 5 felony charges concerning theft; the outcome of all this will be decided next month. She confided to me with tears in her eyes. Another just broke off a relationship with her live in who dumped her and moved on to his next conquest. There is the usual assortment of young males always on the prowl who will have children out of wedlock with two women or more and will live in poverty for the next twenty years paying their child support payments. Been there done that. Have no desire to return. Know what that train wreck of a life is all about. It is somewhat disheartening to watch these things develop, know the outcome, and have little or no influence to stop them from doing what comes natural. The church i attend are mostly professional types and have a fairly common sense view of what life is all about, both morally (they are not moral imbeciles) and career wise. Overall they are a good group to get to know. I don't always fit in nor do i desire to. For some reason have found comfort at being a little detached from things and i sometimes wonder how others view me honestly. I can be impressive and charming when i want to and do ok in social situations but find them uncomfortable, a thing i make myself do. Life goes on without all the seducing and money chasing, the fancy hot rods and the big trucks i used to deem important. That is how it is for me today.
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RE: Not the churchy type - 11/8/2008 12:20:15 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3269
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quote:
ORIGINAL: humbleinspirit
Hi Prairie, when you say that you are not the churchy type, can you elaborate on that more? I think that you just haven't met the right Christian guy yet. Not all men have lived in the church their whole life. There are some guys who are outside the lines and yet on fire for God. Have you thought about serving in some kind of ministry? You might meet a good quality Christian guy there.
Just my 2 cents anyway. Mike
Thanks, Mike. Nice to see you here, my dear Humble. The bolded part....I'm kinda like that. I'm not churchy. I'm more like what Jesus was like during the time he came down to earth (I hope that's not taking his name in vain, lol). I have no problems hanging out with the unchurched. Often times, I find them to be more real than most people.
I do serve, but not in a formal ministry. I volunteer in a soup kitchen, and with our city wide food delivery programs. For me, service is what we do with our life. It's how we manifest the love of Christ to others whether we're part of a structured program or not. I'd rather spend a few hours in an old age home, or take some kids out to the movies, than serve in an organized program. Somehow, when a program becomes nothing more than a social activity, I lose interest. And when participants make the program a forum to display their altruistic side, I'm turned off. Maybe it's just me. I'm sure a lot of people that does organized programs have pure motives and intentions. And I'm sure there is nothing wrong with forming a social group because that's how most of us feel uplifted in the Lord. I'm just one of those people that has to spend some serious alone time with God in order for me to grow and get closer to Him.
I guess I'm really looking for people that are real. People that can admit their frailty but at the same time, can claim to be victorious in the Lord. It's hard to find that in the church circles because everyone seems to project this aura of perfection, as though they got it all together. I know that God has brought me so far down that He's produced in me some humility (yeah, I know, I don't always display it, lol). I'm looking for like minded men and women, and maybe if I hang around in church long enough, some would come out of the hiding place they're in.
Yeah, I'm kinda one of those "free range" believers. We're not churchy, but we love God nonetheless. You'll see it in how we love people.
< Message edited by Prairiehiker -- 11/8/2008 5:03:14 PM >
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Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
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RE: Not the churchy type - 11/8/2008 1:39:08 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3269
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quote:
Besides when one gets older one has a tendency to think more from the neck up on these things. Probably the most intimate thing a man and a woman can do together is pray.
True intimacy is very spiritual. When there's no spiritual connection, physical intimacy is nothing more than a recreational activity.
quote:
I can be impressive and charming when i want to and do ok in social situations but find them uncomfortable, a thing i make myself do. Life goes on without all the seducing and money chasing, the fancy hot rods and the big trucks i used to deem important. That is how it is for me today.
I'm like you, but I try not to use charm anymore, lol. I try to be as real as possible. Charm can be very manipulative, lol. But I hear you and undertand you. Thank you for your post. It's given me something to think about when it comes to my view about my social involvement in the church community that I belogn in.
< Message edited by Prairiehiker -- 11/8/2008 1:47:13 PM >
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Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
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RE: Not the churchy type - 11/8/2008 4:10:27 PM
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humbleinspirit
Posts: 17768
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Just Outside of Boston
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quote:
I do serve, but not in a formal ministry. I volunteer in a soup kitchen, and with our city wide food delivery programs. For me, service is what we do with our life. It's how we manifest the love of Christ to others whether we're part of a structured program or not. I'd rather spend a few hours in an old age home, or take some kids out to the movies, than serve in an organized program.
Now these are the things that I am talking about. There are some authentic Christians (not that others are not) who do these things. You just have to figure out where they are at, but such places are where some hang out though.
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RE: Not the churchy type - 11/9/2008 10:15:01 PM
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jn1010lf
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Hello Prairiehiker
I sort of read between the lines here. You're not the churchy type, meaning you probably darken the door of a church once in a new moon. It also may mean that your relationship with the Lord may be about as think as a layer of dust.
A dedicated Christian man can spot a person who is not comitted to the Lord in a heart beat. If they have wisdom, they avoid them. So may I suggest that you get close to God, study His word, let it work in you and transform you.
You may think you're ok and there ain't nothing lacking in you. But believe you me, when you starte getting close to God He will overhaul you.
Get this, God knows what He's doing. He created you. Therefore He know what it takes to make you work at top efficiency. He has the program. Those that are not close to Him are out of touch.
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RE: Not the churchy type - 11/9/2008 10:49:16 PM
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humbleinspirit
Posts: 17768
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From: Just Outside of Boston
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I do not think that is what PH is saying though. For example she posted today in a different thread how she serves at a soup kitchen and how a homeless man from there came to her church today. This man gave some money in the donation cup. Most people would not notice this person or even care, but she did and is very fond of this man as well.
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RE: Not the churchy type - 11/9/2008 11:48:51 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3269
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jn1010lf
Hello Prairiehiker
I sort of read between the lines here. You're not the churchy type, meaning you probably darken the door of a church once in a new moon. It also may mean that your relationship with the Lord may be about as think as a layer of dust.
A dedicated Christian man can spot a person who is not comitted to the Lord in a heart beat. If they have wisdom, they avoid them. So may I suggest that you get close to God, study His word, let it work in you and transform you.
You may think you're ok and there ain't nothing lacking in you. But believe you me, when you starte getting close to God He will overhaul you.
Get this, God knows what He's doing. He created you. Therefore He know what it takes to make you work at top efficiency. He has the program. Those that are not close to Him are out of touch.
I don't have this kind of judgemental attitude is what I mean by not the "churchy" type. And yes, I do go to church regularly, but going to church doesn't make anyone a Christian, much more than going to garage make one a car.
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Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
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