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My best friend is in love with me - 8/20/2008 8:23:12 PM
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blessedchild68
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Joined: 8/20/2008
From: ohio
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What do you do when you are already in a meaningful and loving relationship and your best friend has fallen in love with you?? he is fully aware of the present relationship but isn't backing down either, he isn't over stepping any lines but he is very obvious???? He is everything I alway said I didn't want, like the age difference, he's 16yrs younger,. I'm a african american woman, like a carmel complextion, he is like that special chocolate bar made by hershey. Don't get me wrong I love him to death, but i don't see a relationship in our future, but of course he does. He will and has done anything for me without question. Anything from finanical, to yard work, to running errons when I'm too busy or just tired. We have been over this situation over and over again, but he's not willing to not see me in that manner. No we have never slept together, and there is no planns for that either. I'm very much in Love with the man I'm with, and have no plans on letting him go. HELP ME PLEASE.!!!!!!
< Message edited by blessedchild68 -- 8/20/2008 8:35:04 PM >
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RE: My best friend is in love with me - 8/20/2008 8:31:07 PM
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MC4JC
Posts: 201
Joined: 7/6/2008
From: Minnesota
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Respecting another relationship is important. Whether or not he's in love with you doesn't matter - what matters is he is having no respect for you or your current boyfriend.
And what if you do break up and go with this best friend? He might be a possessive type of person and jealous and not like any relationship. Besides if you are with one guy now; shouldn't that guy be your BEST friend and not this other guy?
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RE: My best friend is in love with me - 8/20/2008 8:46:31 PM
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agapetos
Posts: 5389
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I'm not suggesting you let him go but from thisquote:
Anything from finanical, to yard work, to running errons when I'm too busy or just tired. perhaps you shouldn't be expecting/asking/accepting his help to do all these things for you?
You do need to talk with him about this though.
_____________________________
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Wisdom is not using them in fruit salads!
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RE: My best friend is in love with me - 8/20/2008 9:08:21 PM
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MWD
Posts: 163
Joined: 8/23/2006
From: New Hampshire
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"Best friend?" Please. This guy is not your best friend if he is trying to purchase you with favors and pry you away from the man you love. You need to get your arms around that concept.
Tell him the friendship is over. If he asks why, then tell him because he has made you feel uncomfortable for way too long. Tell him no more contact, ever, beginning right now. Tell him if he does contact you again, then you will get a restraining order from a judge and have the sheriff serve it at his place of work while he is there. That should jerk the slack out of his rope.
Also start keeping a notebook in case you actually do need to ask for a restraining order. You will have to provide justification.
_____________________________
"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn't exist."
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RE: My best friend is in love with me - 8/20/2008 9:22:17 PM
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TorchHeart
Posts: 1497
Joined: 6/4/2008
From: One of the coldest places on Earth
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quote:
ORIGINAL: agapetos
I'm not suggesting you let him go but from thisquote:
Anything from finanical, to yard work, to running errons when I'm too busy or just tired. perhaps you shouldn't be expecting/asking/accepting his help to do all these things for you?
You do need to talk with him about this though.
Agapetos is right. You need to talk to this young man and set him straight. Especially if you say that he's everything that you do NOT want in a love interest and that you don't see any romantic future with him. Sit him down and set him straight. I don't say you need to break off the friendship right now, but keep in mind that you might very well have to if he isn't going to stop with his behavior. Limiting contact is a good idea, for certain.
Also, I do think cutting back on having him do all these "favors" for you would be a good idea, too.
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RE: My best friend is in love with me - 8/23/2008 6:27:22 AM
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buckifn
Posts: 1760
Joined: 5/23/2006
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he sounds more like a snake than a friend imo.
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RE: My best friend is in love with me - 8/23/2008 8:00:25 AM
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TorchHeart
Posts: 1497
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From: One of the coldest places on Earth
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That might be a little harsh. While I don't approve of this guy's actions, I'm wondering if the OP constantly asking favors of him and so forth isn't sending some mixed signals to him.
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RE: My best friend is in love with me - 8/23/2008 5:53:52 PM
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makarizo
Posts: 2978
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he is in love with you, he just doesn't respect you...... I get it.
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RE: My best friend is in love with me - 8/25/2008 3:30:03 PM
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ebony101
Posts: 913
Joined: 4/1/2007
From: the big blue marble
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quote:
ORIGINAL: TorchHeart
I'm wondering if the OP constantly asking favors of him and so forth isn't sending some mixed signals to him.
Maybe you are giving off the wrong signals, by letting him do stuff for you. The guy you are currently dating should be taking this role. Maybe in the past, the best friend was trying to extend your relationship from best friend to boyfriend by doing these tasks for you. And by finding things for him to do you unwittinglly encouraged this behaviour and he therefore believed that he had a chance with you. Now he sees that you're more interested in this other guy, so he probably believes that this guy is encroaching on his territory, thus his behaviour.
In any case your best friend is now exhibiting stalker like behaviour. In that case you have to break off any and all contact with him.
_____________________________
'We're writing a gospel, a chapter each day,
By the things that we do & the words that we say.'
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RE: My best friend is in love with me - 8/25/2008 7:41:29 PM
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MC4JC
Posts: 201
Joined: 7/6/2008
From: Minnesota
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Still say her current bf should be the "best friend" - not this other guy!
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RE: My best friend is in love with me - 8/25/2008 11:30:47 PM
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debbioe
Posts: 7
Joined: 8/24/2008
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I think people play fast and loose with the term 'best friend'.
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RE: My best friend is in love with me - 8/26/2008 2:34:55 AM
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ChoirDJ
Posts: 473
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: So Cal
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blessedchild68...I gotta be honest and call it like I see it and I think you've had a very inappropriate relationship with this man. A sexual relationship is not the only type of inappropriate relationship there is. You have allowed situations to happen that have created an intimate bond between you and you need to figure out what that was really all about on your end. Such intimacy should not exist in a noncommitted relationship and you really need to ask this young man to forgive you for not being more protective of his emotions. You have used him and given him mixed messages for whatever reason (again that's something you have to do some soul-searching over) and now he's going to be crushed when you break it to him firmly that there's no future for you two. I probably wouldn't take such a strong position if you did not have so much more life experience than he.
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"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: My best friend is in love with me - 8/27/2008 12:16:07 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1857
Joined: 9/26/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ChoirDJ
blessedchild68...I gotta be honest and call it like I see it and I think you've had a very inappropriate relationship with this man. A sexual relationship is not the only type of inappropriate relationship there is. You have allowed situations to happen that have created an intimate bond between you and you need to figure out what that was really all about on your end. Such intimacy should not exist in a noncommitted relationship and you really need to ask this young man to forgive you for not being more protective of his emotions. You have used him and given him mixed messages for whatever reason (again that's something you have to do some soul-searching over) and now he's going to be crushed when you break it to him firmly that there's no future for you two. I probably wouldn't take such a strong position if you did not have so much more life experience than he.
I totally agree with ChoirDJ. The difference in age can easily lead to abuse of the weaker/less experienced person, the fact of opposite genders can easily lead to inappropriateness and emotional defrauding, and the fact that this person is "doing things" for you sounds like you're using his emotions to use him for your benefit. If this isn't true, it could still give "the appearance of evil" that Christians are told to avoid.
1 Thessalonians 5:22
Abstain from all appearance of evil.
If I found myself in the place you find yourself, I'd sit this guy down (not alone, but semi-private) and explain that your relationship is not in his best interest and that you are ending it. Tell him you think he's a fine person and wish the best for him. And don't back down, because he isn't going to want to end it, whatever he's getting from the relationship is important to him (and likely isn't healthy for him). Then take steps to never be alone with him and to carve him out of your life. It's for his best.
God bless you, dear one. (((Hugs))) I am praying for you and him today.
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