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Men, what does this mean? - 8/14/2008 9:45:15 PM
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funny_girl
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Alright, I'm not hormonal but my husband is 'doing' it again. He's having a really sensitive bad attitude. This morning he came in for breakfast and said, "Why aren't we keeping the hot sauce on the table anymore?" I explained that it was only 12 hours. Yesterday, I used the last of it and threw it away, then, took out the new hot sauce and left it on the counter because it needed to be opened." My oldest also chimed in that he used it last night. It's not that anyone wasn't keeping the hot sauce on the table. As my husband was leaving I could still see he was in a really bad mood and I asked if he would be able to forgive me for the hot sauce. His response was that I sure know how to keep it going.
I asked my son if there was anything I could have done different or it would have been better not to have said anything? He said my response was fine that Dad's just in a really bad mood.
Yesterday, DH and I had an honest talk. He said that he doesn't like living here and never has. He wants to move back to our hometown. We talked openly and realistically about our 'expectations' of ourselves and who we are, this was very good. BUT, he says that he wants to obey God and if God wants him to stay here then he will. Throw the element into the factor that I brought a baby home from the shelter and would love to adopt him. DH said that originally, 7 weeks ago, he began to feel better after moving here but when I brought the baby home, he felt 'trapped' again. SO, your thoughts please!!!!!
By the way, he did leave the house for a while and came back with a better attitude.
_____________________________
"...bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as imposters; known yet regarded as unknown...poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything." II Corinthians 6:8-10
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RE: Men, what does this mean? - 8/14/2008 10:20:28 PM
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APZR
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A baby? Did you consult him before making this life changing alteration of a family addition?
_____________________________
Ya can't keep trouble from visitin, but you don't have to offer it a chair.
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RE: Men, what does this mean? - 8/14/2008 10:35:24 PM
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1mlasp
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I don't know what's going on with you or your husband, but I would not be asking your son for his opinion. I'm not one to advocate airing all your dirty laundry to a friend, but this would be adviseable to talking to your son about it. I don't know what your husband is upset about, but it ain't hot sauce.
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RE: Men, what does this mean? - 8/14/2008 10:43:31 PM
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funny_girl
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Well, I went to the children's home with some other ladies and the director asked me to bring the baby home to take care of him because he was sick. I didn't call and ask first. He wasn't surprised I brought him home but was surprised I didn't bring back his sister. We went back to the home together a few hours later and discovered that there are 4 siblings in total; ages 1, 2, and 5 along with this baby. That was too much for us to take on. At first, my husband had me try and take care of him by myself for a week before deciding if we could keep him. My husband ended up helping me so that we could keep him. He brought up concern for the other children, which gave me the impression that he wanted them to come home with us too, but later we decided that this would not be a good idea. As we talked with people it turned into talking of adoption. I've asked him several times if he wanted me to take the baby back and he always says no.
My son is 18 and it certainly didn't hurt to ask him if he could tell if my response was in error. There's a very good/healthy relationship with my kids.
_____________________________
"...bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as imposters; known yet regarded as unknown...poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything." II Corinthians 6:8-10
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RE: Men, what does this mean? - 8/14/2008 10:45:38 PM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: funny_girl
Throw the element into the factor that I brought a baby home from the shelter and would love to adopt him. DH said that originally, 7 weeks ago, he began to feel better after moving here but when I brought the baby home, he felt 'trapped' again. SO, your thoughts please!!!!!
By bringing a child into the home you are committing him to support that child for the rest of his life. And you apparently didn't consult him on it! I'd feel trapped too if I were him. He didn't sign up to support every little baby in the world that comes wandering through his door. I'd expect him to be in a horrendous mood as you apparently did not take his feeling into account at all about this.
It's bad enough he's trapped in a place where he doesn't want to live, but now he's looking at being enslaved for 18 plus years to a child he didn't want!
Please please don't force him to adopt a child he doesn't want. It's not healthy for him and it's not healthy for the child. Would you want to grow up with a parent who really didn't want you and has no tie to you whatsoever
(Of course this may all be different if bringing the child home was his idea, but that's not how your post reads)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Men, what does this mean? - 8/14/2008 10:55:31 PM
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funny_girl
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After the week trial period, he took me shopping for a car seat and baby swing. When we were driving home I was thinking how this was suppose to be our time and said that maybe we should take him back to the shelter. My husband responded with, 'don't you even try to back out now after I've bought these things for him.' He said that the baby, although not planned, has wiggled his way into our hearts.
When my husband got up the first night to help me, I thought the baby would have to go back to the shelter because I couldn't care for him. He said that he told the baby that he knew I'd think that he was trying to prove that I couldn't handle having him but he wanted to help care for him so he could stay with us. He's really a good baby and soooo cute!
My husband did tell me last week that at first it was guilt that let him stay because he is able to care for him. He said just now that he'd feel guilty to take him back because our church gave him a shower the the week after he arrived at our house and my husband said he didn't want the church looking at him weird.
I should mention that we are missionaries and my husband is pastoring here. Also, that I brought the baby home fully prepared to take him back if my husband didn't want to keep him the first night and told him so when bringing home the baby. He told me just now that we love him & would feel terribly guilty to take him back.
< Message edited by funny_girl -- 8/14/2008 11:04:58 PM >
_____________________________
"...bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as imposters; known yet regarded as unknown...poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything." II Corinthians 6:8-10
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RE: Men, what does this mean? - 8/15/2008 9:38:03 AM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: funny_girl
After the week trial period, he took me shopping for a car seat and baby swing. When we were driving home I was thinking how this was suppose to be our time and said that maybe we should take him back to the shelter. My husband responded with, 'don't you even try to back out now after I've bought these things for him.' He said that the baby, although not planned, has wiggled his way into our hearts.
It looks like your husband is a remarkable man and that it fortunately worked out well this time.
quote:
Also, that I brought the baby home fully prepared to take him back if my husband didn't want to keep him the first night and told him so when bringing home the baby. He told me just now that we love him & would feel terribly guilty to take him back.
Sorry F_G but I have to repsond to this. Children are not puppies. You don't just on a whim bring one home and see if the hubby likes it.. You (and the child) got lucky this time but it was a huge usurption of your husbands leadership and rights. "Oh by the way hubby, this is now our child!" He never got a vote in it. See what I mean?
(And if you are keeping the child just out of guilt that is not a good thing either)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Men, what does this mean? - 8/15/2008 11:59:16 AM
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funny_girl
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I'm taking this to the ministry leaders forum...thanks for your input!!!
< Message edited by funny_girl -- 8/15/2008 12:22:19 PM >
_____________________________
"...bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as imposters; known yet regarded as unknown...poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything." II Corinthians 6:8-10
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RE: Men, what does this mean? - 8/15/2008 12:59:11 PM
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NightlessNight
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
Sorry F_G but I have to repsond to this. Children are not puppies. You don't just on a whim bring one home and see if the hubby likes it.. You (and the child) got lucky this time but it was a huge usurption of your husbands leadership and rights. "Oh by the way hubby, this is now our child!" He never got a vote in it. See what I mean?
(And if you are keeping the child just out of guilt that is not a good thing either)
Sorry John_O but I have to respond to this. Not even animals can be treated like you described. Taking a puppy is a huge responsibility too and all family members must agree before taking one!!
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RE: Men, what does this mean? - 8/15/2008 1:10:24 PM
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funny_girl
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Just to chime in that I NEVER EVER said hi hubby here's our new child! It just happened. He was sick, I was there and the director asked me if I could take him home and I said yes without batting an eye. I asked what his name was and she said to give him one and less than a second later I gave him a name. I don't want to spam my post but remember what the scripture says...
James 1:27
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
call me religious then...
My op is about why my husband cycles so much, stresses out when it seems contentment should be there and why does he fly off and respond the way he does? He has a fight or flight tendency. We've moved numerous times in 20 years. More than 20 times. Sometimes for investment purposes.
My 17 year old likes him, and my 18 year old said he hopes we can keep the baby.
_____________________________
"...bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as imposters; known yet regarded as unknown...poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything." II Corinthians 6:8-10
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RE: Men, what does this mean? - 8/15/2008 3:10:42 PM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: NightlessNight
Sorry John_O but I have to respond to this. Not even animals can be treated like you described. Taking a puppy is a huge responsibility too and all family members must agree before taking one!!
Agreed NN. My point was that he should have been consulted. 
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Men, what does this mean? - 8/15/2008 3:20:40 PM
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NightlessNight
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 Understood! I was actually thinking the same when reading this thread. You cannot even take a pet if you are not sure if you can keep it, let alone adopt a child!
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RE: Men, what does this mean? - 8/15/2008 3:25:57 PM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: funny_girl
Just to chime in that I NEVER EVER said hi hubby here's our new child! It just happened. He was sick, I was there and the director asked me if I could take him home and I said yes without batting an eye. I asked what his name was and she said to give him one and less than a second later I gave him a name. I don't want to spam my post but remember what the scripture says...
You didn't have to say those exact words. But showing up with a baby and talking about adopting him/her was pretty close to the same thing. Did you ask your husband before you brought the child home? If not, do you realize the huge, huge disrespect of his leadership and feelings that was?
quote:
James 1:27
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
It does not however say to bring the orphan home over the possible disagreement by your husband. Take care of the orphans yes. But take care of your marriage first. (It does the child no good to be adopted into a war zone)
quote:
My op is about why my husband cycles so much, stresses out when it seems contentment should be there and why does he fly off and respond the way he does? He has a fight or flight tendency. We've moved numerous times in 20 years. More than 20 times. Sometimes for investment purposes.
Maybe it's because some one sneaks up and heaps stressful situations upon him (Like a new baby he didn't plan for and may not have the ability to pay for perhaps?). You've moved lots. How much financial stability has there been? How can he provide for this child if he has no stability.
How can contentment be there when his wife doesn't respect his leadership and feelings enough to at least discuss major life altering moves like adopting a child with him? If my wife (God rest her soul) had done the same I'd be stressed out for the next 18 years too.
As man and wife the two of you should be in unity over any decision you make. How can there be unity when you show up with the baby and the decision already made?
quote:
My 17 year old likes him, and my 18 year old said he hopes we can keep the baby.
Your older children won't have to raise the child or pay for it. They'll be off to college and out of the house soon. Your husband has another 18 years of child care ahead of him. Is the 17 year old your youngest? Perhaps your husband was looking forward to child free years with his wife. Maybe looking forward to enjoying grandchildren. Now his next 18 years (or more) are spoken for and he had no choice in the matter.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Men, what does this mean? - 8/15/2008 11:53:13 PM
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funny_girl
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We've done foster care in the past and talked of adopting a child one day. Since moving to the mission field, I've often mentioned bringing home children off of the street. Recently, I've spoken of what I could do to help the children's home, even asking if I could utilize our now sold home, to bring home some of the older boys from this same children's home as they were needing to separate the older boys from the girls. My husband didn't think I could handle that many children.
As a matter of fact, the day before I brought home the baby, I asked if I could buy a puppy at the pet store and he told me no. When the baby came home it was to care for him because he had bronchitis. The director was originally thinking only a week but we began to bond with him and she's let us keep him. We only kept him as a foster child, knowing we could take him back anytime. As the week went by my husband is the one who kept saying he didn't want me to take him back. I've repeatedly asked him if he wanted me to take him back since and he always says no. Should I take him back anyway? He loves him already and to be quite frank, my husband seems to always be cycling and be stressed about something. I've never known him not to be stressed. Because we can't find the birth mother and are still looking/waiting, we can't leave the country with the baby and this makes my husband feel trapped. Maybe he's feeling trapped because he's tired too.
He had a big vote. I just introduced the baby by bringing him home. It takes only 5 minutes to take him right back. The children at the home are often 'farmed' out for the weekend. I had had one other older child over and considered bringing her home as a foster child at Christmas but nothing ever developed.
Yes, I errored by not calling him first, but he said he wasn't surprised I brought him home, just that I didn't call first about it. He even made a joke about it from the pulpit and put it in his sermon saying, "I told her she couldn't get a puppy so she brought home a baby the next day instead!" He uses a lot of sarcastic humor.
Here's another perspective:
I'm a missionary/pastor's wife living in a foreign country. How does this factor play into this scenario?
James 1:27
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
I can take him back if I need/have to, but I do love him. I understand that my husband comes first. My husband's feeling trapped. Some other forum people said what I did was a terrible thing by bringing the baby home in the first place. Was it terrible? Every person we come into contact with asks us if we're going to adopt him so naturally, it's turned into, yes if we can. My husband and I are praying for God's will, but I know that in his heart of hearts, he wants to eventually return to the states to live. What would you do? Honestly, this was a deep desire from childhood, to care for an abandoned child. My husband knows this.
I asked him at lunch if he felt that being type A that perhaps he didn't have enough to do and that's why he feels stressed? He often says he has too much to do, but it's mental/thinking/planning not physical. He said maybe. I asked him if we shouldn't talk of adopting but just keep him as a foster child? He said that was out of our control either way. I asked if he felt trapped because he couldn't just adopt him and be able to take him out of the country with us? He said maybe. Then I told him he couldn't keep the baby because of guilt and he said it wasn't a matter of guilt, it was a matter of need. We didn't plan on having another baby and it just happened because of a need. He knows I didn't go up to the shelter to get another baby to bring into our lives. A need was presented to me and I said yes.
After dinner we were running errands together and I shared with him the responses of some people on the forum. I told him one person said I usurped his authority as a husband and I could definately tell his facial expression was thinking that's a little far fetched. Yes, he would have liked to have had that call and been a part of the decision. Yes, when the other ladies came in the door with me holding the baby in the beginning they were congratulating the new father. I told him it was all weird for me too. They threw me a baby shower within a week! I think we were both caught off guard and everyone was telling us that we'll get to keep him and we hadn't even had a chance to think about it. Mexicans tell us how to adopt him, basically illegally. Americans constantly asking us if there has been any word from the birth mother. This isn't just me having some cookie idea. We were planning on having our second honeymoon when all of this happened. It certainly wasn't me planning this. I didn't say anything to correct the people because I was so shocked that I didn't know how to respond. My father in law even called to congratulate my husband when all I had done was blogged that I had a foster baby and we didn't know how long we'd be able to keep him! When people kept planting the seed over a couple of weeks that we could actually adopt him, then it turned into talk of adoption but from the get go, it was foster care for 7 months to possibly 2 1/2 years.
Tonight, after we ran up to the shelter to drop off some things, I asked him again, do you want to take him back and he said again, no. He said there isn't anyone else to be his parents and we are his parents right now. He said that IF there was another couple like us that wanted to do it then he'd feel better about giving him up. Basically, we decided that we'll keep him as long as we can. My husband says that there is no reason not to like the baby, he's adorable. But if the time comes and we decide we have to move to the states and we haven't found the babies mother, then, we'll have to give him up.
It's not a financial issue at all. We both seem to be catching up on our sleep and we're taking the baby on a family vacation with us next week here. Next month, we're leaving the country for 12 days and I have a babysitter for him because we can't take him.
quote:
As man and wife the two of you should be in unity over any decision you make. How can there be unity when you show up with the baby and the decision already made?
In this case the ONLY decision I made was to bring the baby home and nurse him back to health.
As far as stability goes...moving around goes with the ministry, just like moving goes together with being a mililtary family. I am ready to hopefully settle down.
< Message edited by funny_girl -- 8/16/2008 12:11:39 AM >
_____________________________
"...bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as imposters; known yet regarded as unknown...poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything." II Corinthians 6:8-10
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RE: Men, what does this mean? - 8/16/2008 12:15:36 AM
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APZR
Posts: 909
Joined: 4/18/2005
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Keep in mind that this is looking at it from MY OWN age and stage in life, you may be younger and more agile. But... we work hard to keep and rear our own families, and we try to help others along the way. But, there comes a point when it's time to say no. I can completely understand your husbands mood/attitude... an 18 year old ready to fly the cope, planning retirement with more one on one time... as a single couple again. Having done our deed and reared our family, now for some rewards. But ooops, here's one more "rescue child", like many hundreds before and many hundreds yet to come. Yet this one has become the latest project... to be had for the next 18 years when we are supposed to be enjoying being old. Can't run, play, and move like we used to, and certainly won't be able to do it in 12 more years. Yeah... I too would be absolutely, positively freaking out right now. You said you wanted a guys prospective.
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Ya can't keep trouble from visitin, but you don't have to offer it a chair.
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RE: Men, what does this mean? - 8/16/2008 1:13:23 AM
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funny_girl
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Funny that you talk of retirement. We are pastor's in a retirement community for expats. My husband and I are 39. We'll see what happens. Here, I have a lot of willing 'grandma's' to babysit if we want to do something. We're taking off for 12 days and the baby has to stay here. I'm more concerned about the babies emotional condition, but there are 40 other abandoned children at the center and 1000's more else where. Yes, the poor will always be with us but this little guy was asked if he could be here. Honestly, he says he's not mad about the baby. I even mentioned, what if you became trapped feeling even if the baby wasn't here, it seems to happen. He was pastoring in the states before we moved here and we went to talk with a counselor because this same thing was going on. I think, as someone pointed out somewhere today, that it's because he's a type A personality and he needs a lot to do. I think at first he didn't think he could leave but now he sees that he can and he's catching up on sleep.
Let's see how he does after vacation.
Thanks men and yes I wanted your perspective. I told my husband I had written about all this and the chili sauce. He still said that he didn't like how I responded. He claims the chili had been off the table for 3 days, lol
_____________________________
"...bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as imposters; known yet regarded as unknown...poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything." II Corinthians 6:8-10
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RE: Men, what does this mean? - 8/16/2008 9:43:45 AM
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APZR
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From: GA
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Oh yeah, a vacation will do you good. Everyone needs a break to get away and recharge for a week or two.
_____________________________
Ya can't keep trouble from visitin, but you don't have to offer it a chair.
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RE: Men, what does this mean? - 8/18/2008 7:20:57 AM
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makarizo
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hot sauce???
your husband needs some encouragement, some reassurance, some extra support. He needs to go back to the basics, and remember his calling.... not a head thing, a heart thing.
there are some things in the encouragement dept. that only a wife can do, only a wife can give, and if he misses home, and is 2nd guessing some things. that is a cue for you to 'do your thing', to get his focus back in line.
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RE: Men, what does this mean? - 8/23/2008 9:36:50 AM
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funny_girl
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makarizo, if what you are saying is true, I need some more insight as to what my 'thing' is suppose to be.
I have moved around for this man and tried to encourage him to be who he's become. I finally realized that he's not going to be able to do some of the things I thought he had the potential of doing. For example. He says he likes to pastor, he's a great speaker and clicks really well with some but is not as personable or able to release others. I'm able to make up in those areas but he doesn't release me to be able to help him so he's cut himsef short in that area. I have finally accepted that and appreciate our differences. Basically, I had to tell him, if you haven't had the thousands following you yet, we've been in ministry 20 years, then it's time to be honest with ourselves. Wanting to pastor a mega/influential church is a great dream, but if one lacks in communication than they need to be realistic with themselves. If they can't change then they need to embrace who God has made them and work within the relm of who He's made them to be. He told me last week that he's ready to pastor that church of maybe only 100 people and be content. I use to encourage him and tell him he could do more and realize now, he can't, unless God supernaturally makes a HUGE change in him. He said he's never liked living in this country and I know that to be true. He misses his family and the normalacy of our native country. He said that he looked at his life from the outside and said if he met someone in his position, he'd think they'd stay here forever. He has position and influence here, but he's not content or happy. I believe the stress level is effecting our health. Yes, looking in from the outside one would think how amazing and fulfilling our lives, but I think that right now, we want to go home. Just being honest, from a missionary perspective. I think that if we can go home and be settled, I'll learn to ignore him when he gets 'restless/stressed'. Men cycle too.
The time we were happiest together as a couple was about 2 years before we moved here. It wasn't the 'ministry' that made us happy. It was going to the gym, working out and riding mountain bikes together, taking camping trips. We can work out here but it's not the same. We aren't enjoying our lives here. That's why I think it's time to go back and let go of all these 'dreams' of who we thought we were suppose to be.
Growing up, we were challenged to be 'world changers'. Wonderful, but I think unrealistic. It put a lot of pressure on what wasn't reality. I fill I gotten my chance to do all the things I ever wanted to do and I'm ready to be normal again. We took on the challenge but perhaps don't have the stamina to keep it up for a lifetime.
< Message edited by funny_girl -- 8/23/2008 10:51:13 AM >
_____________________________
"...bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as imposters; known yet regarded as unknown...poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything." II Corinthians 6:8-10
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RE: Men, what does this mean? - 8/23/2008 3:00:26 PM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: funny_girl
Growing up, we were challenged to be 'world changers'. Wonderful, but I think unrealistic. It put a lot of pressure on what wasn't reality. I fill I gotten my chance to do all the things I ever wanted to do and I'm ready to be normal again. We took on the challenge but perhaps don't have the stamina to keep it up for a lifetime.
Changing the world starts with your own backyard. Maybe the neighbors. Then move outward from there.
A simple man who leads just one to Christ may change the world as much as a mega church pastor (And in my not so humble opinion, a whole lot more than some mega church pastors).
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Men, what does this mean? - 8/23/2008 7:02:49 PM
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funny_girl
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thanks John. We've definitely moved outward from our own backyard a few thousand miles:) I appreciate the encouragement. Makes me feel like going back home isn't a defeat. I wasn't thinking that anyway. The thinking was more along the lines to, "this isn't all that I thought it was cut out to be." If my husband was happy here, I could stay with him, but daily I feel the anxiety that he doesn't want to be here and we really aren't enjoying one another.
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"...bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as imposters; known yet regarded as unknown...poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything." II Corinthians 6:8-10
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RE: Men, what does this mean? - 8/25/2008 6:05:31 PM
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jn1010lf
Posts: 308
Joined: 4/20/2005
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Hello funny_girl
I doubt if moving anywhere would help your husband's attitude. Something is amiss and you need to get to the bottom of it. I would sit him down and insist that he come clean. Make sure that it's because of your love for him that you want to know.
Does your husband belong to an active men's group? Such support can mean all the difference in the world.
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RE: Men, what does this mean? - 8/25/2008 10:06:34 PM
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funny_girl
Posts: 869
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He's accounted for 24/7 and we use Covenant Eyes. No, he's never been part of a 'men's group'. He's never been. If you are familiar w/personality types he's choleric and pretty content with one friend. That one friend has pretty much been me since high school.
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"...bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as imposters; known yet regarded as unknown...poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything." II Corinthians 6:8-10
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RE: Men, what does this mean? - 8/27/2008 10:19:21 PM
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makarizo
Posts: 2978
Joined: 4/13/2005
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quote:
makarizo, if what you are saying is true, I need some more insight as to what my 'thing' is suppose to be.
I think you know the answer to this better than anyone else.
whether it is a lost focus thing, or lost perspective, or priorities, reassurance, something intimate, encouragement, some kind of confrontation.... a hard truth. something that was bottled up.......... who knows??? (except for you)
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RE: Men, what does this mean? - 8/28/2008 4:44:34 PM
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evryknee
Posts: 285
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline
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SOmetimes Type A personalities have a Fear of Man issue. They do and do, to meet their own expectations & goals and those of others. I think your hubby feels trapped because he is trapped in the expectations that others have of him, a belief that God expects him to care for this baby, your expectation for him to want the baby, the expectations of the community for him to have to have the baby (giving the baby up , he may feel, may ruin his credibility as compassionate, etc.), family, and many others. IF this is correct, then recognizing the fear issues, confessing it, receiving Grace, and focusing on God's opinion alone and accepting this will help. It is a process, though.
When Peaple Are Big & God Is Small by Ed Welch is a good resource for this (if this is the issue)
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