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Love for your partner? - 8/21/2008 8:33:08 PM
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nicole6598
Posts: 4102
Joined: 11/3/2006
From: Australia
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I was chatting to a friend of mine who has been with her partner for 15 years (they aren't married or Christian) and she said how the relationship isn't what she wanted or hoped for, how they love each other more like family members than lovers.
I began to think, well how do you love your partner different anyway? Do i love mine differently, yes I get the intimate part, but is the other part any different?
How would you explain the love for your partner or husband?
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Proud Aussie, Wife, Mother, Woman!
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RE: Love for your partner? - 8/22/2008 12:18:55 PM
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Memaw.
Posts: 2460
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Sunflower State
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That's a real good question.
I love Rick as a part of who I am.
We are intertwined as one.
Over the past couple of years, I have realized how important he is to me, and realized how deep my love is for him.
I have had to move my "loyalties" from focusing on my children to putting him in the place of honor.
For a long time everything revolved around the kids, they were number one, and now I see that was wrong of me.
Without him, I am incomplete.
_____________________________
"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction.
Every generation has to learn how to protect and defend it, or it's gone
and gone for a long, long time."
Ronald Reagan
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RE: Love for your partner? - 8/22/2008 1:00:49 PM
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Mrs.X
Posts: 2929
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: Newberg, OR
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There is love, and there is romantic love. I totally know what your friend means when she says she loves him like family. That's similar to the way I feel about my hubby, not so much the romantic love.
_____________________________
-Stina
From Sweet Grass to the Packin' House
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -Proverbs 15:1
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RE: Love for your partner? - 8/22/2008 3:14:30 PM
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purejoy
Posts: 902
Joined: 4/15/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Memaw.
We are intertwined as one.
Without him, I am incomplete.
Yes, this I most definitely agree with.
I do also think that love is a choice, more than a feeling. Since before we were married we have talked about not wanting to become "roommate" spouses. I think that is so easy to do, because you get caught up in your every day lives. You still love the person, but in more of the family way. So how do we try and prevent that? By actively trying to prevent that.  Maybe sounds simple, but when people say "marriage is work!" that's what I think of. We make the effort to do romantic gestures, go on dates, and take time out from our lives for us as a couple. If we've been busy for the last few weeks and we just don't feel the sparks flying, we try and consciously stop and fix that. So for us, I guess, it's an awareness that that can and does happen, and a choice we've made to correct our relationship if that does start to happen.
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RE: Love for your partner? - 8/22/2008 3:44:27 PM
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TwinCityGirl
Posts: 1112
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Nicole, it IS a good question!
I have been married for 9.5 years and we've been together for 10 years.
When my husband comes into a room I still think "Wow". I just do. Not every single time but every.single.day I am thinking 'Wow, I get to be married to HIM!!!!' 
My husband is handsome on the outside but also such an incredible soul that I am just EVERY DAY so attracted to him physically, mentally, spiritually. My husband is a deep thinker and well read. He is informed, he is smart, he is strong in his faith. I learn so much from him. I truly have kind of an awe for him.
This will be too much information, but even the day we had our baby 5 months ago, that night it was just the baby and him and me in the hospital room that night, and I had gotten up to go to the bathroom and he got up to check the baby in the bassinet. When I came back from the bathroom we held each other (which we do a lot and always have), and about 30 seconds into the hug he gently pushed me back and said "You'd better not give me too much attention right now" (meaning, um, don't get me excited -- if you know what I mean). And it was so absolutely adorable and so absolutely US because I was feeling the same way about him (wanting him; wow - what a day it had been) but of course was in no physical way able to do that nor should I have tried. But that's how it is.
To have and to hold. I have him, and I make sure to hold him.
He is amazing....my parents and siblings have always loved me very much and unconditionally, but so does my husband - and he doesn't HAVE TO because he's related to me.
I know without a doubt that one huge part of the reason God created my husband was FOR ME. And I know without a doubt that one huge part of why God created me is for my husband. Not one doubt. There is such a peace in being where (with whom) God wants you to be.
Thank you for asking. I love to talk about him but don't want to seem over-the-top. I had to wait till I was 32 to find him so I know about being single and dateless. I would have waited for him another 32 years if I had a guarantee I WOULD GET *HIM*. (Awww.) 
Jeanie
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RE: Love for your partner? - 8/22/2008 3:52:00 PM
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Kerryannism
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Twin City Girl: you do sound over the top, but I have to say that is just wonderful! I feel the same way about my husband and there is nothing wrong with that!
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RE: Love for your partner? - 8/22/2008 3:55:43 PM
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moon_mouse
Posts: 378
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About 2 years after we got married, my hubby and I were having dinner with my college friend and his fiance in celebration of their engagement, and my friend asked what being married was like. My hubby said,"remeber when you were 8 or 10 and you had your best friend in the whole world and you did everything together? You might fight sometimes, but you were always friends. It's just like that...but with sex."  It was, and still is, the most romantic thing I've ever heard, and fits us to a tee!
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RE: Love for your partner? - 8/22/2008 4:11:12 PM
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purejoy
Posts: 902
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I've been thinking about this a little further, and to be honest, I don't think I could love my husband the same if we weren't married. Because he is my husband and we have that committment, I am free to all-out love him. I know things can always happen and there are no guarantees in life. But I honestly think that if we weren't married, I wouldn't feel the freedom to all-out, madly, deeply, make myself crazy, love him. Our marriage gives me such a security in that way.
Don't know if that makes sense to anyone else...
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RE: Love for your partner? - 8/22/2008 4:21:47 PM
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purejoy
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quote:
ORIGINAL: TwinCityGirl
Purejoy, I get what you're saying -- and yes, being married deepens the love, don't you think? There's a whole different notch of intimacy (not just sex, but of course the sexual intimacy leaves you vulnerable and when you're safe with your spouse, well, you're at a whole 'nother level of intimacy).
Absolutely. I remember being crazy-in-love engaged and thinking "This is so amazing and perfect." And people would tell me how marriage just deepens that love and I would think "Ok, but this is so amazing and perfect!" And that was nothing compared to now.
I guess I brought that piece of it up in reference to the OP- her friend who isn't married. I KNOW marriages can turn into the roommate-I-love-you-like-family relationship. I have seen it myself. So I'm not saying that's happening to them because they're unmarried. But for me, I think that might play a part in it, because being married gives me such freedom. Not much of a ball and chain, for me...more the opposite. 
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RE: Love for your partner? - 8/22/2008 5:17:52 PM
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pumpkin
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I was thinking the other day that I love David as a family member.... this is not a bad thought. I love him the way that I love my family. I LOVE my family, I defend them, I try to give them what I can, I do what I can to make them happy... etc...
There are other parts to how I love him though. I love him because he is goofy, and we have fun together. We can even be silly when we kiss... and it makes us laugh, and we just plain have fun together.
I don't love him like I assumed I would when I was a teenager. I decided to talk to David about this quite a while back. He assured me that this is a good thing. He says that those feelings are not love, they are infatuation, and I am not infatuated with him... and he likes that. He knows that I know all about him, and love him anyway... I don't see him through the old 'rose colored glasses'.
We are comfortable together. We have fun together. We know each other's deepest secrets. We adore each other. We enjoy being together. We do things for each other.
I'm sure we sound boring, but that's ok. =)
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RE: Love for your partner? - 8/22/2008 5:50:45 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 5098
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From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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quote:
ORIGINAL: moon_mouse
About 2 years after we got married, my hubby and I were having dinner with my college friend and his fiance in celebration of their engagement, and my friend asked what being married was like. My hubby said,"remeber when you were 8 or 10 and you had your best friend in the whole world and you did everything together? You might fight sometimes, but you were always friends. It's just like that...but with sex." It was, and still is, the most romantic thing I've ever heard, and fits us to a tee!
Lol! That is one of the best descriptions I have heard!
I too am one of those women who looks at her DH every night and thinks "wow, I am SO lucky". Seriously, I think that at least once a day, even on the days when I really just want to whack him on the head with a whiffle bat. He knows my best and worst traits, is my biggest cheerleader, and loves me even when I have moose breath
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RE: Love for your partner? - 8/22/2008 6:02:29 PM
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lexie
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From: Toronto
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My husband and I are always teased by his family members because we go everywhere together. Someone has to pop out to the store, the other goes with them. We're at a bbq and one of us goes inside the house from where they were outside, the other goes with them. One goes on a job interview, the other waits outside. In fact, the only place we really don't go together is the bathroom (and they make fun of us for that.)
That's how I know how deep our love is for each other. That we want to share everything together, and not just through telling, but through experience. We want the other person right there. And even when we're mad at each other for whatever reason, and we haven't been speaking to each other for a couple of days, we still want the other to come along with us for what we need to do and the other one wants to be there in the supporting role.
You know as I read that I think...maybe that's not healthy!
I look at my husband every single day and say "have I ever told you that I love you?" And he replies "eh...once or twice."
_____________________________
I want to be more than an ordinary servant.
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RE: Love for your partner? - 8/22/2008 6:12:45 PM
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laughinggirl
Posts: 320
Joined: 8/2/2005
From: Dallas, TX
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Even though I've only known Brian for 3 years, I feel like he has been mine forever. A missing vital piece of me that was separated and I had to search for for so long (we were in our 30's when we met). Now that we have found each other, the transition has been virtually seamless. Two halves, finally together as a whole. I love him more than I can begin to express.
I love him as a friend, and we have a great time just hanging out, traveling, shopping, doing the things that friends do. But I also love him with a much deeper love, deeper than any way I love anyone else in my family. It's exciting and passionate and romantic and special and just delicious. Interestingly, I feel much more of the "infatuation" type of giddy love feelings now than I ever did when we were dating or engaged. I didn't expect that at all. When we were dating, I was too busy thinking, "Is he REALLY the ONE?" and "Is this REALLY finally happening to me?!?" to allow myself to feel the fun crazy giddy stuff. Now that we are married and he turned out to be such a wonderful husband, now I have all of that.
I fall in love with him all over again every day. Every time he grills something for dinner AND does the dishes afterwards (daily), I thank him and remember how blessed I am. Every time I feel fat and ugly and he tells me I'm "perfect for him" or "beautiful" or "all that he ever wanted", I remember how blessed I am. Every time he pulls me close for a cuddle because HE needs the affection. Every time he kisses me in public because he's feeling loving and in the moment. Every time he opens the car door for me (every.single.time.). Every time he takes my car and fills it up with gas, just because he noticed it was low. Every time he he e-mails me first thing in the morning to say he loves me and to wish me a good day. Every time he is genuinely happy that my family is coming to visit.
Every time he walks into the bedroom at night and I see his body, half of which bears the effects of cerebral palsy but to me is a work of art, I am awe-struck that we get to share this intimacy together. Every time he cradles my head on his shoulder and prays for us. Every time he makes me feel special in countless ways, I remember how blessed I am to have this wonderful man. I can't imagine loving him more than I already do, and yet somehow every day I love him more.
The two years we've been married have been by far the best of my entire life. Marriage is so much more amazing than I ever dreamed or imagined. Finding my husband in the end was worth every long year I waited for him as a single person. So worth it.
< Message edited by laughinggirl -- 8/22/2008 7:16:15 PM >
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Bethany's Blog
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RE: Love for your partner? - 8/22/2008 7:06:47 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10285
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
This will be too much information, but even the day we had our baby 5 months ago, that night it was just the baby and him and me in the hospital room that night, and I had gotten up to go to the bathroom and he got up to check the baby in the bassinet. When I came back from the bathroom we held each other (which we do a lot and always have), and about 30 seconds into the hug he gently pushed me back and said "You'd better not give me too much attention right now" (meaning, um, don't get me excited -- if you know what I mean). And it was so absolutely adorable and so absolutely US because I was feeling the same way about him (wanting him; wow - what a day it had been) but of course was in no physical way able to do that nor should I have tried. But that's how it is.
To have and to hold. I have him, and I make sure to hold him.
I know Exactly. What. You. Mean. LOL...
I know that I loved Brian before the accident, but since the accident I have *known* that I love this man more than my own life, if that makes sense. Sometimes I just look at him and tears start flowing because I still have him here with me and I know he could have easily not been. I snuggle up to him in his rented hospital bed and all I can think is "thank you, God!"
That kind of love and commitment and oneness...the kind I wasn't even fully aware was there...is what makes the less pleasant parts of this doable. The denture scrubbing, the sponge bathing, the urinal and commode dumping, the constant seeing him in pain, doing whatever he needs all hours of the day/night...I can only do that because I love him. I know that God is growing us closer through this, and I am thankful for it, even when it is really hard.
I used to think I needed a lot of things from Brian. I needed him to take the kids so I could have a break. I needed him to show me tangibly that he loves me. I don't think I have quite the same need for things like that anymore, and I hope they don't return even as he gets better. I know he loves me and I am thankful for each moment with him. Especially the boring ones...we've had enough excitement for a while.
_____________________________
<<-----------Brian + vacuum= sexy man!!
He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
~Psalm 91:4~
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RE: Love for your partner? - 8/22/2008 7:35:08 PM
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nicole6598
Posts: 4102
Joined: 11/3/2006
From: Australia
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Thanks for your replies. I would hope one day that I can talk about my marriage as you have all done.
Keep them coming, I love hearing about them.
Jeanie and moonmouse, had to smile at your stories!
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Proud Aussie, Wife, Mother, Woman!
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RE: Love for your partner? - 8/23/2008 10:44:51 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 7980
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: pumpkin
I'm sure we sound boring, but that's ok. =)
That doesn't sound boring! That sounds wonderful.
Donna, You have gone through and are continuing to go through life changing experiences. It will deepen your love for each other and change your entire family.
In reading the op, I have to say that if I were with a man for fifteen years and not married, I would not feel the same way as I would if I were married. A man and woman that have not made the marriage commitment are not one flesh. They just are not. The one flesh relationship changes everything.
My husband and I have been through hell and high water together. We have loved each other and betrayed each other. We have been through more than we should, because of our own sins and stubbornness. At this point, we have been married 24 years. I don’t think about leaving him anymore. I think about how we can grow in unity and maturity together.
I love my husband as part of my whole life. All of our decisions impact each other. Where he works, how much he makes, whether we spank or not, how the kids are educated, etc., and etc. All of these things are part of our life as one unit working together.
It is different than other relationships because as a married couple we are committed to making all our life decisions together. We live together and operate as a unit. This is different than any other relationship. We have committed to joining our lives into one life. Doug and Cynthia, one flesh, one entity. People see us as a unit. They respond to us as a unit. All of our financial assets are ours together. Our hopes and dreams include each other. Our children and their future is something we prepare for together. It’s about how we are one, not two separate people living as roommates, but about making a life together sharing everything, including our bodies with each other. The word says we actually belong to each other. It is completely different and unique from any other type of relationship.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: Love for your partner? - 8/24/2008 2:32:44 AM
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nicole6598
Posts: 4102
Joined: 11/3/2006
From: Australia
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Yes Cynthia you are right about the one body thing, etc
I would think, and I know right now from experience that it is hard to be connected and one when the other party wants to act as their own unit.
So what do you do then?
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Proud Aussie, Wife, Mother, Woman!
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