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Is This Possible? - 11/17/2008 1:27:46 PM
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jesuschick247
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Okay, so I have a question and it has to do with guys, well, a guy.
For starters, he's 18 and I'm 19 and we've been friends for about two years, we get along really great and when we first met he expressed that he had an interest in me as more than a friend. At that time though, he was rather immature, selfish, and I was pretty positive this was not the kind of guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. So, I told him no, but we have kept being friends. He said he respected me for telling him how I really feel and that while he wasn't happy with that answer, he would accept it anyways.
Over the past two years he has grown up considerably, we both have actually! Anyways, a few months ago I kind of started feeling like I might like him, too. I prayed about it though, because I felt like he was still a little immature and that this might just be me. I needed a sign that this wasn't just all in my head, so I prayed that if this was God, I would be able to tell that he had grown-up not only mentally, but also spiritually.
He went on a missions trip just a week after I said that prayer, and no joke, he came back a TOTALLY DIFFERENT person! It was like they had loaded one guy on that airplane and brought back a different one. He has such a compassion to him that he didn't have before and he is counting down the days until he can go on another missions trip, it's just amazing! He worked at an orphanage while he was there and there was one little boy that he told me one day he would love to go back and adopt, when he had found the right girl and was married.
I was excited about all of this, the only thing was that I know that I am going to marry a youth minister, I got called at 16 at church camp and that was one of the things God revealed to me.
Then, last week, he got called into youth ministry, just a little strange I thought!
Then, also last week the guy that I had thought I really liked and was going to go out with decided he liked another girl, just out of the blue. It was like the door got slammed in my face and when it did, my friend was there for me and reminded me that God never shuts a door without opening a window first, and that when we can't have something, He gives us something better anyways! It was wild hearing this come from him, but really refreshing!
Just the way that he has really jumped in and became one of the leaders in our youth group is amazing me, he has taken so many of the young teens under his wing and you can tell he genuinely cares for them. We have both been student leaders for a year now, but up until about a month ago, he kind of held back. God has really done a change in him and I guess my real question is...
Is it possible to realize that God could change a person so much that you realize that you like them?
Any comments or advice would be appreciated!
_____________________________
"The memories erased...Baby, that's the BEAUTY of GRACE!"
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of someone else." - Judy Garland
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RE: Is This Possible? - 11/17/2008 1:58:49 PM
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BCW1969
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I know that in Joshua Harris' book "Boy Meets Girl", he retells a story about a girl who over time ended up changing the way she felt about a guy whom she was friends with who was interested in her but at the time she wasn't into him. SO I suppose it is poosible.
Brad
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RE: Is This Possible? - 11/17/2008 3:58:44 PM
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jesuschick247
Posts: 2870
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BCW1969
I know that in Joshua Harris' book "Boy Meets Girl", he retells a story about a girl who over time ended up changing the way she felt about a guy whom she was friends with who was interested in her but at the time she wasn't into him. SO I suppose it is poosible.
Brad
I've heard of that story, I have the book actually. I mean though, is it possible for a person themself to change so much that you realize you like them? In that case, the girls feelings for him just changed, not so much the guy himself.
_____________________________
"The memories erased...Baby, that's the BEAUTY of GRACE!"
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of someone else." - Judy Garland
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RE: Is This Possible? - 11/17/2008 8:07:41 PM
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csl7037
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I can only think of the verse that says "a wicked generation looks for a sign" - stop trying to read the signs. Stop trying to read anything at 18 years old. Allow me to be frank, as someone twice your age - you're both still young and immature. Think about how much he's changed in the last two years....I promise you he'll change at least that much again in the next two - and so will you. This is wasted time and energy.
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RE: Is This Possible? - 11/17/2008 8:56:24 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1948
Joined: 9/26/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jesuschick247
Is it possible to realize that God could change a person so much that you realize that you like them?
Hi, Jesuschick!
People can have a "mountaintop experience" that is hard to keep at an emotional high over time; I'd be friends with this guy and just see how God works in his life over the next few years. He's got the basic faith, he got a real boost, and now he's working that into his life back "in the valley" where it will be nourished by digging into the Bible, fervent prayer, loving the brethren, and other boring stuff.  (I say that tongue-in-cheek because it can be boring... until God gets our attention that those words in the Bible are incredible news! And our prayer life is talking to the King of the universe. Whoo-woo!).
I'm not doubting his sincerity, just leaving room for his sanctification. If he is God's man for you, he'll be there when it's time for you to marry (and God knows that time). He is growing and hopefully you are, too. If your lives wind up going the same way then it might be God's will but you'll have to wait to see if it's what God intends. Look at Ps. 84:11 and be greatly encouraged. Meanwhile, keep growing in grace and becoming more and more God's woman. If you don't marry this guy later, then you'll wind up marrying someone who is even a better match (based on Ps. 84).
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: Is This Possible? - 11/17/2008 9:19:49 PM
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Ninjaearth
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Of course it's possible. Obey what the Lord has given you so far and if it is so, then it will work out. If he's the guy and he wants to be with you and you want to be with him, just say yes when the time comes I suppose.
_____________________________
"Spiritual Soldier Ninjaearth"
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RE: Is This Possible? - 11/18/2008 12:26:57 AM
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jesuschick247
Posts: 2870
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quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
quote:
ORIGINAL: jesuschick247
Is it possible to realize that God could change a person so much that you realize that you like them?
Hi, Jesuschick!
People can have a "mountaintop experience" that is hard to keep at an emotional high over time; I'd be friends with this guy and just see how God works in his life over the next few years. He's got the basic faith, he got a real boost, and now he's working that into his life back "in the valley" where it will be nourished by digging into the Bible, fervent prayer, loving the brethren, and other boring stuff. (I say that tongue-in-cheek because it can be boring... until God gets our attention that those words in the Bible are incredible news! And our prayer life is talking to the King of the universe. Whoo-woo!).
I'm not doubting his sincerity, just leaving room for his sanctification. If he is God's man for you, he'll be there when it's time for you to marry (and God knows that time). He is growing and hopefully you are, too. If your lives wind up going the same way then it might be God's will but you'll have to wait to see if it's what God intends. Look at Ps. 84:11 and be greatly encouraged. Meanwhile, keep growing in grace and becoming more and more God's woman. If you don't marry this guy later, then you'll wind up marrying someone who is even a better match (based on Ps. 84).
Thank you so much for the advice! (You always seem to know just what to say and it makes sense!) I will keep being his friend, I mean we have made it through some pretty rough times and stuck it out, and I really value his friendship!
I totally trust that if I don't end up being with him, I will end up with an even better guy! Thanks for refering me to Psalm 84! No matter what happens, I do think that it is amazing to watch God work in someone's life! Once again, thanks for the great advice!
_____________________________
"The memories erased...Baby, that's the BEAUTY of GRACE!"
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of someone else." - Judy Garland
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RE: Is This Possible? - 11/18/2008 12:30:20 AM
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jesuschick247
Posts: 2870
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quote:
ORIGINAL: csl7037
I can only think of the verse that says "a wicked generation looks for a sign" - stop trying to read the signs. Stop trying to read anything at 18 years old. Allow me to be frank, as someone twice your age - you're both still young and immature. Think about how much he's changed in the last two years....I promise you he'll change at least that much again in the next two - and so will you. This is wasted time and energy.
Thanks for your advice, but I do have to comment that we have both been through a lot, both in our friendship and in our own lives and we are more mature than we were. I know he will change in the future and so will I, but I don't believe that if this is God that it is wasted time and energy. And how is growing closer and become better friends with someone ever wasted time and energy? The only time we waste time and energy is when we are trying to accomplish our agenda and not God's. And trust me, if this goes anywhere, it will only be because God takes it there. Thank you for your input though.
_____________________________
"The memories erased...Baby, that's the BEAUTY of GRACE!"
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of someone else." - Judy Garland
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RE: Is This Possible? - 11/18/2008 6:57:05 AM
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csl7037
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jesuschick247
And trust me, if this goes anywhere, it will only be because God takes it there. Thank you for your input though.
So don't try to analyze it.
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RE: Is This Possible? - 11/18/2008 12:14:07 PM
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DaveW
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This I know - from someone whose youngest child is probably too old for you - that God does not call us to LIKe someone. He deals in covenant commitment relationships. If you are mature enough to fully commit your life to someone and he is as well, you may consider getting married. You both have much growing up to do at your ages but you can grow together. My wife and I were not much older than you when we married 31 years ago - 22 and almost 21.
Pray. Stop over-analyzing. Pray some more.
If someone is open to God's leading and correction, it is possible that major and long lasting changes can come in a short period of time. But those instances are not every day, and not for everyone. HE alone knows our internal makeup and how to most effectively change us into HIS image. Some just have slow steady growth for several years. Both result in the same thing - us being made more like HIM.
_____________________________
Avatar is Saphira 5 months and Louvena at 23 months!
We are now grandparents TWICE!!
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RE: Is This Possible? - 11/18/2008 12:17:46 PM
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jesuschick247
Posts: 2870
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quote:
God does not call us to LIKe someone. He deals in covenant commitment relationships. If you are mature enough to fully commit your life to someone and he is as well, you may consider getting married. You both have much growing up to do at your ages but you can grow together. My wife and I were not much older than you when we married 31 years ago - 22 and almost 21.
Pray. Stop over-analyzing. Pray some more.
Thanks Dave, that was really good. I'm learning to pray more...and more...and more!
_____________________________
"The memories erased...Baby, that's the BEAUTY of GRACE!"
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of someone else." - Judy Garland
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RE: Is This Possible? - 11/18/2008 7:11:18 PM
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pbaribeault
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I met my husband at 16 and at your age we were engaged. You're not too young for a real looking-towards-permanency committed romantic relationship. (You can grow up and grow closer at the same time.)
There's real wisdom in deermousie's post, and you certainly should not jump into any "this must be ordained in God's will" kind of actions. I also have real concerns over what you are saying about a "calling" at camp at 16, and such particular "revelations"... that doesn't sound exactly like good theology, and you might not want to put all your eggs in that basket.
Oh, and feel free to rejoice in your analytical tendencies. It's only people who find analysis difficult or uncomfortable that say not to over-analyze situations. If analysis works for you, helps you order your world, see the possibilities and the possible/probable results, find a comfort zone, make a plan, check the motives and theology of that plan, and the plan B, and the plan C... that's a fine temperament to have and a perfectly good way to be in the world. Just don't make it a worry-fest... a calm capacity for exploration and extrapolation is a real asset in life, especially if you can do it in the form of a running spiritual conversation, a planning meeting with God.
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RE: Is This Possible? - 11/19/2008 1:39:36 AM
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jesuschick247
Posts: 2870
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quote:
There's real wisdom in deermousie's post, and you certainly should not jump into any "this must be ordained in God's will" kind of actions. I also have real concerns over what you are saying about a "calling" at camp at 16, and such particular "revelations"... that doesn't sound exactly like good theology, and you might not want to put all your eggs in that basket.
Yes, deermousie is smart and gives great advice! *Smiles* She reminds me of one of my "older and more mature" friends at church that is always giving me advice, which is super cool!
Okay, so I didn't put this in my post earlier for not wanting to get into a whole disscussion on callings and get the thread of track, but I feel like God wants me to work with youth and I first had that feeling at camp at 16 and I ran from it and ran hard! I didn't want to do that, I did not desire to do that, and I told God I would not do that. Over the course of the last year though, doors have opened and I have found I find fulfillment's in working with the student leaders at our youth group. To see God use me, me to touch someone's life is humbling. It was really a moment of revelation, but a realization of "this is what I'm here for". Hope that clears things up a bit!
quote:
Oh, and feel free to rejoice in your analytical tendencies. It's only people who find analysis difficult or uncomfortable that say not to over-analyze situations. If analysis works for you, helps you order your world, see the possibilities and the possible/probable results, find a comfort zone, make a plan, check the motives and theology of that plan, and the plan B, and the plan C... that's a fine temperament to have and a perfectly good way to be in the world. Just don't make it a worry-fest... a calm capacity for exploration and extrapolation is a real asset in life, especially if you can do it in the form of a running spiritual conversation, a planning meeting with God.
Glad that over-analyzing situations is okay, cause I'm afraid I always will! As far as the whole running conversation and planning meeting with God, let's just say we've had several in the past few weeks! LOL! Thank you for your advice, I take everything that is said here and pray about it and measure it up against God's word, keeping what I feel is in line with what He says and discounting the rest. That said, thanks again!
_____________________________
"The memories erased...Baby, that's the BEAUTY of GRACE!"
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of someone else." - Judy Garland
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RE: Is This Possible? - 11/19/2008 10:16:46 AM
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pbaribeault
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I'm glad you are not mired in a sense that you must be married to a youth minister.
A general sense of calling to an age group or style of ministry is good and healthy. Remember that there is such a thing as an unmarried female in youth ministry (you are one now), and some women work with youth while their husbands do other things. As well, people like high school teachers, counselors, foster parents, girl-guiders, swimming instructors, math tutors, missionaries, authors -- and all sorts of others have really strong ministries to teens.
Also, not all senses like this are permanent. Lots of people minister to youth for a few years, then go on to different things. Callings are fluid like that, and there are a lot of years in your future.
You have a good head. Use it, and listen to your heart... I just don't want you stuck in poor theology like the idea of a binding and permanent "call" experience.
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RE: Is This Possible? - 11/19/2008 10:36:08 AM
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jesuschick247
Posts: 2870
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quote:
You have a good head. Use it, and listen to your heart... I just don't want you stuck in poor theology like the idea of a binding and permanent "call" experience.
Thanks, I try to use my head, doesn't always happen, but I sure try!
I am kind of still learning to listen to my heart, it scares me a bit still, especially where things that could effect me for life are concerned.
I totally see where you are coming from though!
_____________________________
"The memories erased...Baby, that's the BEAUTY of GRACE!"
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of someone else." - Judy Garland
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RE: Is This Possible? - 11/20/2008 1:48:54 AM
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jesuschick247
Posts: 2870
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Thanks to all who responded. I have put it all in the hands of God and I know what will be will be...for today we will just be friends.
He may or may not be the one God has for me, it is all up to my Loving and all Knowing Heavenly Father.
So, once again, thanks for all the advice!
And in the words of Shakespeare, "We know what we are...but not what we may be!"
_____________________________
"The memories erased...Baby, that's the BEAUTY of GRACE!"
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of someone else." - Judy Garland
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RE: Is This Possible? - 11/20/2008 5:54:23 PM
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jn1010lf
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Hello jesuschick247
God does change people. But it seems to me that you need to give this thing more time. My first reaction is that the two of you need to part for a time. Take stock how you feel deep inside. When you separated was a part of you ripped out? Remember that God unites people through their spirit, while their minds and bodies may be totally out of whack with it.
I've known many married couples that say there's no human reason why they are married but bot know that the Lord wanted them together.
One thing I do know. You have a golden chance to get closer to God here. In fact, it could save your peace of mind.
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RE: Is This Possible? - 11/20/2008 9:52:09 PM
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starvin.artist.gurl
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I know how frustrating the whole dating thing can be. It could be that this is God's plan and just not yet... or maybe this other girl is God's way of saying He has something even better for you. I don't think it's bad for you to think in terms of marriage yet though. I got engaged at 19 and married at 20. (I'm 23 now.) It's easy to overthink things though. God will give you opportunities, but you're the one who has to take a step toward life decisions. Be careful not to just wait for everything to happen to you the way you think it should. Is he dating this other girl? Or is it just a crush? Does this other girl like him?
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RE: Is This Possible? - 11/21/2008 9:32:49 AM
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lightbeamrider
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Jesuschick, u would be amazed at what u could do if u had to. I have seen people ur age do the most amazing things. In our culture many will want to keep u single and celibate until u are out of college in spite of the fact u were biologically adult many years ago. We tend to think this is for your own good. U see u do not have the God given brains to figure these things out for yourself because any 19 yr old Christian female does not know what life is all about. Country singer Loretta Lynn was married at 13 had her first child at 14 and by the time she was 18 she had 4 children. We know better today. Don't be so quick to let other people define u. All that u are feeling is a normal part of being human and God does not make mistakes.
Go out there and live life. Kick booty and take names. God Bless u and yours.
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RE: Is This Possible? - 11/26/2008 9:51:15 AM
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jesuschick247
Posts: 2870
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quote:
ORIGINAL: starvin.artist.gurl
I know how frustrating the whole dating thing can be. It could be that this is God's plan and just not yet... or maybe this other girl is God's way of saying He has something even better for you. I don't think it's bad for you to think in terms of marriage yet though. I got engaged at 19 and married at 20. (I'm 23 now.) It's easy to overthink things though. God will give you opportunities, but you're the one who has to take a step toward life decisions. Be careful not to just wait for everything to happen to you the way you think it should. Is he dating this other girl? Or is it just a crush? Does this other girl like him?
Thanks for the advice...and taking time to give it.
In answer to your questions...no, he is not. I don't think it is anything more than a crush and no, the other girl doesn't like him.
_____________________________
"The memories erased...Baby, that's the BEAUTY of GRACE!"
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of someone else." - Judy Garland
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RE: Is This Possible? - 11/26/2008 9:53:04 AM
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jesuschick247
Posts: 2870
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lightbeamrider
Jesuschick, u would be amazed at what u could do if u had to. I have seen people ur age do the most amazing things. In our culture many will want to keep u single and celibate until u are out of college in spite of the fact u were biologically adult many years ago. We tend to think this is for your own good. U see u do not have the God given brains to figure these things out for yourself because any 19 yr old Christian female does not know what life is all about. Country singer Loretta Lynn was married at 13 had her first child at 14 and by the time she was 18 she had 4 children. We know better today. Don't be so quick to let other people define u. All that u are feeling is a normal part of being human and God does not make mistakes.
Go out there and live life. Kick booty and take names. God Bless u and yours.
Thanks, your post made me smile!
I am learning to not let other people define me and don't worry, I'm the type of girl who was born to make other people see how strong I can be and what I can accomplish!
_____________________________
"The memories erased...Baby, that's the BEAUTY of GRACE!"
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of someone else." - Judy Garland
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