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Internet and physical cheating the same? Different? - 11/26/2008 9:58:16 PM
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Kings_Ransom
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We all can accept that when a married person has sex with a person not their spouse, this is adultery. Period, no questions asked.
But here are some questions:
Looking at porn on the internet is 100% wrong and hurtful to your spouse and by no means should be considered acceptable. But is it adultery? Can an adulterous spouse claim that their spouse is also an adulterer because they looked at pornography on the internet?
Let's say the spouse contacts a person online and does things like promise to send nude pictures of themselves, make plans to meet for sex and talk about how much they want to have sex with each other...BUT, after getting caught, the spouse says they don't really mean it; they have no plans to actually send those pictures or meet with this person, and was just doing that because it felt good to be wanted by that person. Is this an affair?
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RE: Internet and physical cheating the same? Different? - 11/26/2008 11:21:56 PM
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Memaw.
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quote:
after getting caught, the spouse says they don't really mean it; they have no plans to actually send those pictures or meet with this person, and was just doing that because it felt good to be wanted by that person. Is this an affair?
It is an affair.
Matthew 5:28 KJV
But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
If the intent was there, IMO so was the sin.
_____________________________
<-- Squirt
A government big enough to give you everything you want,
is strong enough to take everything you have.
....Thomas Jefferson
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RE: Internet and physical cheating the same? Different? - 11/27/2008 12:32:18 AM
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LCannon
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When a spouse pledges to 'love, cherish and hold dear' the other spouse mutually any breach of that contract is adultery whether in imagination or in fact. 'If I give away all my possessions and if I[retain my appetites]so[to indulge them]but do not have love[for another]I gain nothing. Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways.'(1Corinthians 13:3-11)
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"It may be that when the angels go about their task of praising God they play
only Bach. I am sure, however, that when they are together en famille they
play Mozart and then too our dear Lord listens with special pleasure."(Karl Barth)
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RE: Internet and physical cheating the same? Different? - 11/27/2008 12:55:09 AM
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Roberta_
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Memaw.
quote:
after getting caught, the spouse says they don't really mean it; they have no plans to actually send those pictures or meet with this person, and was just doing that because it felt good to be wanted by that person. Is this an affair?
It is an affair.
Matthew 5:28 KJV
But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
If the intent was there, IMO so was the sin.
yup!
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RE: Internet and physical cheating the same? Different? - 11/27/2008 1:35:04 PM
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car2ner
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It is no surprise to me when internet cheating turns into physical cheating.
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"May your days be long and your hardships few".
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RE: Internet and physical cheating the same? Different? - 11/27/2008 1:44:41 PM
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rcjames
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Memaw.
Matthew 5:28 KJV
But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
Memaw, you beat me to the verse.
Anyone watching porn would by definition be "Lusting after" and it would definately be a sin.
I am always amazed at the gyrations (pardon the pun) that folks go through to try and justify sin.
Thanks
RC
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Just a country Preacher's humble opinion
Read the first chapter of my latest book here;
http://www.deliveranceofsara.com
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RE: Internet and physical cheating the same? Different? - 11/27/2008 4:44:26 PM
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Kings_Ransom
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Thanks for the replies, guys. I was fairly certain you would all say what you have, but I wanted the affirmation.
Recently I called something an "affair" and was told that it wasn't really an affair because there was no sex involved and the person involved in it didn't really intend to do anything they were promising the other person they would do.
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RE: Internet and physical cheating the same? Different? - 11/27/2008 5:33:46 PM
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rcjames
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Kings_Ransom
Thanks for the replies, guys. I was fairly certain you would all say what you have, but I wanted the affirmation.
Recently I called something an "affair" and was told that it wasn't really an affair because there was no sex involved and the person involved in it didn't really intend to do anything they were promising the other person they would do.
So we are looking at the sin of lying and deception. Please expand on what you are referrencing.
Thanks
RC
_____________________________
Just a country Preacher's humble opinion
Read the first chapter of my latest book here;
http://www.deliveranceofsara.com
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RE: Internet and physical cheating the same? Different? - 11/28/2008 11:36:24 AM
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Kings_Ransom
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I suppose as long as I keep this hypothetical you won't really know how to respond. I didn't want to because for the most part this is all in the past and totally resolved, but since none of you know me, here goes.
Earlier in the year my wife was feeling unloved by me. I was guilty of the sin of looking at pornography. It was a sin that I had been struggling against since I was in my teens but I had a hard time telling anyone about it because I was ashamed. I prayed privately, but on occasion I would fall back into it. She discovered it more than once and each time when I swore I would not do it again I meant it, but the lure was as strong as drug addiction. It was only after confessing it and getting an accountability partner that I was able to really stay away from it.
But it affected my wife at an insidious level and over a period of several years convinced her that I did not love her and made her wonder if she really loved me. The way she chose to handle it was to start talking about me to some people on the internet. Most were strangers that she met through a singles' web site but one of them was her old ex-boyfriend.
It began with her telling them that she wasn't sure I loved her and turned into her telling them how much of a jerk I was and how desperate she was to leave me. She agreed to meet one of the men she met through the dating site and they ended up having sex. To this day she says that was the one and only time she physically committed adultery, and at this point I believe her because I'm sure that by now the Lord would have convicted her to tell me if there had been others. At that point she had worked herself up to being very angry with me, deciding that I had been continuously unfaithful to her for years (the porn) and that I deserved to be hurt just as bad.
She felt guilty enough to tell me she was unfaithful, but did not tell me that she was still emailing several other men, her ex-boyfriend included, still telling them horror stories about her loveless marriage and making plans to meet them for sex. In the case of her ex-boyfriend she promised to send him nude photos of herself. However, she was able to escape feeling guilty about any of this, because she would, in the end, always make up reasons why "Oops, sorry, I know we planned to meet for sex today but I'm feeling sick" or "I have a lot of errands I need to run". She said the only reason she kept talking to those men is that I was not making her feel wanted and these men were.
Now, the story has a happy ending. She and I are 100% back together and she has gone above and beyond to show me how repentant she is. But about a month ago, she sent that ex-boyfriend a note on facebook just to say hi, and I believe her that this is all she meant to do. She told me about it and showed me the note, and yes, it was totally innocuous, but I reacted with shock because as far as I was concerned, she had had an affair with this man. She said no; what she did with him was stupid, wrong, unGodly and hurtful, but it wasn't an affair because not only did she not sleep with him, she didn't even mean it when she said she wanted to or that she would send him nude photos. "There's a difference between saying I will do something and actually doing it," she said.
Now, since then she has had no further contact with him and is still so thorough in showing me repentance that, for example, she called me the other day to let me know she had run into an old work acquaintance while shopping and sat down for coffee with him in a shop and they updated each other on their lives. We are going to church together again, and she has several women from the church she meets with regularly both for friendship and also for accountability. I feel God in our marriage again.
But every now and then I start thinking about how she never was willing to call the online stuff "affairs." She has gone as far as to call them "obscene" but not "affairs."
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RE: Internet and physical cheating the same? Different? - 11/28/2008 11:52:30 AM
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TorchHeart
Posts: 1951
Joined: 6/4/2008
From: One of the coldest places on Earth
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quote:
Looking at porn on the internet is 100% wrong and hurtful to your spouse and by no means should be considered acceptable. But is it adultery? Can an adulterous spouse claim that their spouse is also an adulterer because they looked at pornography on the internet?
I disagree. It is wrong, but I don't believe this is an affair, regardless of Mark 5:28 (which is incorrectly often taken literally).
quote:
Let's say the spouse contacts a person online and does things like promise to send nude pictures of themselves, make plans to meet for sex and talk about how much they want to have sex with each other...BUT, after getting caught, the spouse says they don't really mean it; they have no plans to actually send those pictures or meet with this person, and was just doing that because it felt good to be wanted by that person. Is this an affair?
I believe that its wrong, and that it can potentially constituet an affair. If you're doing stuff because you've formed an intimate bond between another person who isn't your spouce, now you're committing what is considered an emotional affair. In addition, its also pornography, which carries with it its own sin.
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RE: Internet and physical cheating the same? Different? - 11/29/2008 3:10:57 PM
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Kings_Ransom
Posts: 94
Joined: 11/26/2008
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What I think really still bugs me is that she says that my looking at pictures on the internet was the same thing as physical adultery...
...but her literally talking to other guys on the internet, telling them how much she wants to have sex with them...that's not adultery.
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RE: Internet and physical cheating the same? Different? - 11/29/2008 5:28:24 PM
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rcjames
Posts: 5771
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Oklahoma
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Kings_Ransom
What I think really still bugs me is that she says that my looking at pictures on the internet was the same thing as physical adultery...
...but her literally talking to other guys on the internet, telling them how much she wants to have sex with them...that's not adultery.
Sounds like a dose of reality in due for both of you.I would suggest that you consider this verse;
(2Co 13:5) examine yourselves, whether you are in the faith, prove your own selves. Do you not know your own selves, that Jesus Christ is in you, unless you are reprobates?
Both of you seem to be committing iniquity, and here is what Jesus said about that;
(Mat 7:21) Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
(Mat 7:22) Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
(Mat 7:23) And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
May I suggest that both of you visit your Pastor for a "Come to Jesus" meeting.
Thanks
RC
_____________________________
Just a country Preacher's humble opinion
Read the first chapter of my latest book here;
http://www.deliveranceofsara.com
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