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ORIGINAL: TorchHeart

BIO:

ANYTOWN PIDGEONS

Head Coach: Fred Tackleburry

Age: Depends on who he thinks he is, today. (But according to his birth certificate, he's 52.)

Tenure w/ Team: 6 years

History: A graduate of Mayville State University in rural North Dakota with a double degree in athletics and dirt farming, Fred Tackleburry has a unique history in the world of football. He started his college coaching career at Bumlick Univeristy in Nebraska where he took the Bumlick Fighting Sparrows football programs to new heights. After 8 straight seasons of mediocraty, nobody thought that B.U. was capable of sinking any lower than it had, but Tackleburry proved them wrong by leading them to four straight losing seasons, including one where he accidently mistook the playing schedule for the school's women's tennis program as his own. (We'd like to go more into detail about this, but the lawsuits from several female tennis players at rival colleges, including Katie Hamsrud, who was for lack of a better description, "sacked behind the net for a safety" and still has not yet regained feeling in her left arm.) After being released from Bumlick University after an incident involving a chicken suit, two jars of grape jelly, and a Rod Stewart c.d., Tackleburry was accidently signed on as the coach of the Anytown Pidgeons due to an error in the team's front office. With the contract signed, and not a dang thing they could do about it, the Pidgeons found themselves stuck with Tackleburry until, as the contract phrased it, "death do them part, or the mothership return to take him home to planet Cyphrasus IV. Tackleburry has now coached the Pidgeons for six years. Despite his record with the theam, he has the unconditional respect of his players and fellow coaches in the league (most likely due to his collection of home-made hand gernades which he keeps in his office).