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College Visits - 7/30/2008 7:19:47 PM
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Penpen
Posts: 64
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: New Jersey
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Anyone else in the college visiting stage of parenting? My #1 DS is 17 and a senior in high school. We just started making plans to visit colleges he is interested in. This whole process makes my head spin. I was thinking about having him bring a notepad along and take notes about his likes and dislikes of each school we visit. I'm not sure what else to do as a parent while he is looking. Any ideas?
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<----------Hubby and son's during our vacation in San Francisco.
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RE: College Visits - 7/30/2008 8:49:44 PM
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zoebob
Posts: 8775
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
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just some thoughts from my college hunting days years ago.
Find out about dorm life as much as possible. IF possible have him visit on a prospective freshman weekend where they can stay in the dorm.
If he knows what he wants to major in, try to speak to the professors (at least one) in that department.
Try to talk to the financial aid office
Eat in the dining hall
The whole time I was growing up I was sure I wanted to attend Wheaton College. That's where my mom went and I was sure I wanted to go there. THen I visited and stayed in the dorm. I was not impressed with the school in general or the people there. Nothing concretely wrong with them but it wasn't a good fit for me. Then I went to a visitor's weekend at Houghton College and knew withing 24 hours that that is where I wanted to go. I fit in with the atmosphere and student life there. They had a good program in my fields of study and it was just a good fit that I knew would work...and it did.
ETA: I also visited and applied to Geneva College and had the same ho hum reaction to it. Both of these are good colleges and I have a brother who went to each of them. They were all good colleges for those of us that went to them but the others would have been miserable there.
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L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: College Visits - 7/31/2008 2:19:05 AM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 2532
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From: California
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quote:
IF possible have him visit on a prospective freshman weekend
I agree with all of Zoebob's post except for this. I really think it is better to visit the school when you can see the school for what it really is, and not all hyped up on a preview weekend. I went to a preview weekend at Covenant College, and thought it was full of nice, friendly people. Then when I was actually there as a student, I found it was full of snobs. It turns out that before each preview weekend, they pressure the students to really make nicey nice on preview weekend.
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"We basically use what I have seen referred to as "get off your butt" parenting. It employs more interaction, more redirection, more prevention, and usually less spanking."
-Mrs. Wifey
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RE: College Visits - 7/31/2008 7:22:04 AM
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zoebob
Posts: 8775
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
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I guess some of that depends on the college. I expect that it may be easier to arrange a visit without parents when it's a visitation weekend. I guess that's not always necessary. I had visited Houghton over the summer with my parents and met with professors, talked with admissions and financial aid, etc and then went back for a weekend visit in Jan or Feb. THen I went with a classmate and her parents for freshman orientation in the spring.
_____________________________
L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: College Visits - 7/31/2008 8:30:58 AM
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revbob4God
Posts: 598
Joined: 7/25/2008
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Being a veteran of college visits myself I agree that you need to go on a weekend they do not allocate as a preview weekend. Be aare of the various church ministries and carefully see how well attended and how active they are. Look from the start for any red flags, like a preview weekend where it is encouraged that there are mandatory separate activities regarding parent and prospective student.
Gods Blessings to all,
Reverend Bob
_____________________________
For thus saith the Lord that created the heavens; God himself that formed the earth and made it; he hath established it, he created it not in vain, he formed it to be inhabited: I the Lord; and none else.
Isaiah 45:18
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RE: College Visits - 7/31/2008 9:04:44 AM
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stateofgrace
Posts: 1986
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Also, if at all possible talk to parents of students and current or recent students! Take a look at blogs and message boards to get some additional perspective.
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America Needs Revival. Will you commit to pray for it?
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RE: College Visits - 7/31/2008 9:39:45 AM
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daisies4u
Posts: 195
Joined: 10/16/2006
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My son would probably have laughed in my face if I had suggested that he take a notepad along. :)
You can tell alot from just walking the campus. Make sure that you visit the dorms (if he is living on campus), the cafeteria (and any other cafe's, etc.); but mainly the department of his major. Although, campus living is just as important as his major. If he is not happy living on campus, then he will probably not do as well academically. Make sure when you schedule your appointment that someone from the department (preferably the dean) will be available to meet with you. This is SO important.
On a side note - my son was determined that he has decided which college he wanted to attend. (This was last year. He is a sophomore this year.) But I forced him (yes, forced him...humor your mama!) to go and "just look" at one more. The one that I thought he would be happier at. Mainly because it had a larger pre-med program than the other one. Anyway....he agreed, just to make me happy. When he stepped foot on the campus, he knew that was where he was supposed to go. He said it just felt right. Now...he is so happy. He loves everything about college life.
Still, even after he decided, we still went to all the new student orientation events. We were able to meet many professors, alumni and current students. I know they were all on their best behavior, but each event that we went to confirmed over and over that that was where God wanted him to go. I would suggest you go to any events that you are invited to. One visit may not be enough.
God bless you! This will be a very emotional time for you, but you will get through it and your son will do what God intended for him to do....Grow into a Godly, mature, Christian adult.
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RE: College Visits - 7/31/2008 10:28:46 AM
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stellaluna
Posts: 4214
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quote:
ORIGINAL: revbob4God
Look from the start for any red flags, like a preview weekend where it is encouraged that there are mandatory separate activities regarding parent and prospective student.
I disagree that this is a red flag. We are having just such a preview on my campus today and there are separate activities for parents and students all day long.
_____________________________
Who should be allowed to attend church?
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RE: College Visits - 7/31/2008 10:38:13 AM
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Ellie-Mae
Posts: 3791
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From: The EMPIRE state!
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When I was looking for a college, I wanted to visit during Freshman weekends because they had so much useful information already set up for your convenience. The colleges that I took further interest in, I visited during normal times later.
Things that also made difference for us was to find out what the rules and regs are, especially when looking at a Christian or Private college. Some colleges won't let you have a car the first year, insist that unmarried freshmen live on campus, have rules about getting married while attending, dress codes, and other such things. Weird Rules and regs are not bad. Look at them as another way to help weed out colleges that you may or may not want to go with.
Also, look at financial scholarships. some colleges have some really good ones that you might be able to take advantage of.
My husband and I had narrowed it down between two really good colleges. It came down to one expensive college (that we loved)that would let you get married if you had any debt at all. That was our first choice of where we wanted to go. The runner up college offered my husband a full scholarship and we could get married when ever, but he couldn't take his car and it was a long ways away.
Seeing as we there was no way of going to the first college without going into debt AND we wanted to get married after he had one year of it.... We went with the other college that gave a full financial ride and I just did a lot of driving to see him. We have never regretted going to that college because there is no way that we would be were we are today if we hadn't. We are very happy that God made those distinctions between the two colleges.
All that to say...
There are a lot of good colleges out there, don't let little things get to you, use them as directions.
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Please do not PM me about this message, discuss it at the water cooler, or include it in your church bulletins. If you have questions, please keep them to yourself. ~Kerrlaw
W2D1
292 more miles t
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RE: College Visits - 7/31/2008 11:05:54 AM
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daisies4u
Posts: 195
Joined: 10/16/2006
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quote:
quote:
ORIGINAL: revbob4God
Look from the start for any red flags, like a preview weekend where it is encouraged that there are mandatory separate activities regarding parent and prospective student.
I disagree that this is a red flag. We are having just such a preview on my campus today and there are separate activities for parents and students all day long.
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I disagree with this as well. Parents and students are coming into this from two totally different places. It is good to have breakout sessions where parents and students can be told what to expect for them personally.
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RE: College Visits - 7/31/2008 8:09:10 PM
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zoebob
Posts: 8775
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
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I also think that separate activities are a good idea. For pete's sake, in 6 months the kids are going to be there without mom and dad. The idea of a social event for the prospective students with current students is a good idea. They shouldn't need mommy and daddy there with them holding their hand while they eat ice cream.
In fact, when I went to visit no parents were there. It was a real cheap airline package and a jr or sr at the college picked us up at the airport. Parents could come for freshman orientation but my parents didn't because they had visited over the summer and met with adults on campus.
I always thought that the visitation weekends at ours were good and not very fake. Yes, they had some special events but it was still realistic. There was usually a sudent talent show followed by some kind of food event in the cafeteria. We stayed with student volunteers in their dorm rooms and went to meals and stuff with them.
_____________________________
L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: College Visits - 8/3/2008 10:56:19 AM
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Penpen
Posts: 64
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: New Jersey
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Thank you all for the replies and advice. We have an appointment the end of this month to visit a school in Philadelphia and we are trying to get another appointment for another school about 15 minutes away fro that one. (Drexel University and University of Pennsylvania). We will be taking the train, so have to figure out train schedules. The one school, Drexel, my son is very interested in. It is an hour train ride or car ride from our house, so it's pretty close. We have another 4-5 schools yet for him to visit, most are within an hour or two of our house.
_____________________________
<----------Hubby and son's during our vacation in San Francisco.
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RE: College Visits - 8/4/2008 9:57:28 AM
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creationtalk
Posts: 696
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Before starting college, I visited one school I was interested in on a "Freshman" weekend--my parents did not even come. Nothing in this visit affected where I would attend. When I transfered the first time, I visited three schools, scheduling meetings with either department heads or advisors. At my #1 choice-I was told transfer students were not accepted. Another school I was told that I had taken too many physics and physics related courses (I was a PHYSICS MAJOR)...so I attended the third school. Of the other schools I've attended (5) I did not visit the campus prior to starting classes (or I did visit, but only to find out what I would need to do to graduate) and a visit would not have affected my decision to attend the school.
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RE: College Visits - 8/4/2008 10:33:23 PM
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buckifn
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It's best to start early and visit on days when nothing special is happening and then on days when something major is happening. I would also recommend visiting various events on campus that your son/daughter may be interested in...along with shopping at the bookstore, eating at the cafeteria and walking to various points on campus. I know at one school the atmosphere and low quality of service in the business office made it very easy for us to eliminate them as a choice.
I would also strongly advise parent's to inquire about campus security, ask to review incidents/statistics of crimes on campus for the past year or more, and find out who handles reported crimes...campus security or someone else?
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RE: College Visits - 8/5/2008 9:04:34 AM
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10SNE1?
Posts: 179
Joined: 4/19/2005
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Ah, the road well traveled by this family! 
We have two college grads, one college junior this year and a high school Senior.
Just some random thoughts. Consider size and "environment" of the school. More than just big school/little school, consider urban,small college town etc. Don't be fooled by small, out in the middle of nowhere colleges. At first glance they appear to be the "safest" choice. However, many of them are HUGE party schools simply because they is nothing else to do. BTW, two of my kids attend/attended a university with a "party school" reputation so I'm not saying to rule those out, just that you want there to be plenty of healthy entertainment options for those who want them.
Campus ministry: Size doesn't matter so much here. Crusade is HUGE at the party school. So huge that my daughter went once or twice and felt totally lost in the crowd. A small welcoming campus ministry or a church with a commitment to ministering to the college students is often a much better choice than a " big event" driven campus ministry. Note: not a slam on CC..just this particular kid of ours isn't the type to thrive in the culture of the organization on that particular campus.
Ditto on NOT being a "helicopter parent" and letting your young adult child own this decision. Your role from here on out is "adviser" NOT lifestyle decision maker!!
Don't get so hung up on the "minors" like dorms and food that you forget the academics. Take a real good hard look at who recruits ON CAMPUS. Do the big names in your child's chosen field actively seek out the graduates of this university? Most schools can claim that "Big Name Company hires our grads!"
It just takes one or two to make that claim. There is a Christian college up the road from us that claims that my husbands firm " hires their grads". My husband is a partner with one of the "big four" accounting firms and I can assure you that they do NOT recruit on this campus or actively seek out the business majors at this school.
As far as "Christian" colleges, I am not a fan of a lot of social rules. I have known enough kids to go to these types of school to know that the kids who want to drink and sleep around, will drink and sleep around.
Last of all, ENJOY this time! I love seeing my children at this stage of life. The whole world is opening up to them and they are trying to find their place in it! They should be allowed to spread their wings and take flight. As parents we MUST trust God and trust that we have raised them well. Parents who try, as this stage, to cling and continue to control their child's environment do more harm than good and risk seriously damaging their relationship with these young adults.
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RE: College Visits - 8/5/2008 9:31:05 PM
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solo_soprano22
Posts: 2478
Joined: 4/27/2005
From: I'm a Southern girl
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
quote:
IF possible have him visit on a prospective freshman weekend
I agree with all of Zoebob's post except for this. I really think it is better to visit the school when you can see the school for what it really is, and not all hyped up on a preview weekend. I went to a preview weekend at Covenant College, and thought it was full of nice, friendly people. Then when I was actually there as a student, I found it was full of snobs. It turns out that before each preview weekend, they pressure the students to really make nicey nice on preview weekend.
Although I think the place I am isn't that way (no matter when you visit, you'll see the real thing here)...I've heard many students at other places say the same thing. I know people who visited on one of those "weekends" and thought everything was okay (based on that).... turns out that all that wasn't real. They went and ended up not staying, but did say had they REALLY known they'd not have gone. What they were presented with wasn't the real deal.
_____________________________
For God, For Learning, Forever.
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RE: College Visits - 8/6/2008 12:23:22 AM
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locomom
Posts: 218
Joined: 4/15/2005
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Help your son gain some self-knowledge of where he would be happiest. Other than quality and reputation, he needs to know what his preferences are with respect to size, reputation, religion, academics, social scene, and surroundings are. He also needs to evaluate his study skills and time management skills. These two make or break many students, bright or otherwise.
Spend the time with their websites. Learn their testing requirements and deadlines. Try to get to some schools before his senior year starts. Help him consider what he wants to do, both vocationally and avocationally. Does he want to be in an honors program if offered?
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