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Apostasy~Can someone help? - 5/22/2008 7:19:55 AM
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acontriteheart
Posts: 27
Joined: 3/6/2008
Status: offline
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I don't even know where to begin, but I am horrified and convinced that I have committed apostasy. I gave my heart to the Lord over ten years ago and after walking with him about two years or so I adventured back into my old lifestyle, yes, Sin. The moment I did decide to leave him so to speak I felt his power leave or diminish greatly and then I committed another sin and felt it again, but after a while it just stopped and I did not feel anything anymore. I never stopped believing in the Gospel or the truth of who Jesus is, but I wasn't obeying period.
Over three months ago I repented, asked God for forgiveness, cleaned up my life of all known sin, pray without ceasing a lot, fast and have spent every last spare moment even hours in the Word ever since. I have been in a women's bible study at church that has now ended but they have all been praying for me and one in particular so it makes me feel a little better. I know that God's Word is truth, but I am having a hard time with all of this. Scriptures haunt me and I feel at times that there is no hope for me ever being able to have a relationship with the Lord again. I feel sometimes that I have just gone to far, to the point of know return even though I desire desperately to be forgiven and restored. I am in despair most of the time. I have ruined my life pretty good and have no one to blame but myself. I can not bare the thought of not having the Lord in my life ever again or being without him in eternity. I feel at times that I am in Hell now. The Lord was my everything and now well, I would give anything just to know that it's not to late for me. If anyone can help me I'd be beyond grateful. 
_____________________________
~Melanie~
Even though my leg is broke and my knees are bruised, I will kneel at the foot of the cross because I know that the only one who can heal this brokeness is Jesus
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RE: Apostasy~Can someone help? - 5/22/2008 7:29:34 AM
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greatdivide46
Posts: 1072
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Opp, Alabama
Status: online
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Melanie,
It may be a cliche, but I feel your pain. If you have sincerely returned to God, and I believe you have, then He has already forgiven you and welcomed you back. But it sounds to me like you haven't forgiven yourself. You must learn what lessons you can from your past and then forget it. By "forget" I don't mean to wipe it completely out of your memory, but stop thinking about it. That's what forgiveness is -- forgetting the sins of the past. God has already forgotten your brief time away from Him because He is so overjoyed to have you back. Believe that and I think you'll be OK.
_____________________________
greatdivide46
SFC, USA (Ret)
The reflections of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the LORD -- Proverbs 16:1
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RE: Apostasy~Can someone help? - 5/22/2008 9:54:48 AM
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timf
Posts: 576
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline
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Scriptures haunt me and I feel at times that there is no hope for me ever being able to have a relationship with the Lord again. I feel sometimes that I have just gone to far, to the point of know return even though I desire desperately to be forgiven and restored.
1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
If we confess (homologos) our sins (say the same thing about them that God would), we bring ourselves back into a position where we can draw near to God again.
There is often confusion about forgiveness of sins that happens at salvation and forgiveness of sins that restore relationship. It is when we hold onto, justify, excuse, or defend our sin that we build a barrier between us and our Savior.
Humility and truth are key to a close relationship with Jesus. Both are observed in confession.
Real shame should not come from sin or even severe or frequent sin, real shame is in blinding ourselves to our sin. Jesus is ready to forgive. The problem comes when we are not ready to ask.
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RE: Apostasy~Can someone help? - 5/22/2008 10:43:51 AM
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ferdgoodfellow
Posts: 363
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
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Hi Melanie,
Read the parable of the Prodigal Son and meditate on what a prodigious forgiver our Heavenly Father is. And, as your handle implies you already have done, pray Psalm 51.
ferd.
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RE: Apostasy~Can someone help? - 5/22/2008 12:33:30 PM
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Ps103
Posts: 11523
Joined: 4/16/2005
From: Here, now
Status: offline
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quote:
I feel sometimes that I have just gone to far, to the point of know return even though I desire desperately to be forgiven and restored. I am in despair most of the time. I have ruined my life pretty good and have no one to blame but myself.
If you had gone too far, you would no longer care. The Father is drawing you back--do not believe the lies in your head that say He will not forgive you--those are from the devil.
Ferd is right--read the Parable of the Prodigal Son until it sinks in. Your situation is no different. Concentrate on this: "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him."
_____________________________
Fasten your seatbelts...it's going to be a bumpy night.
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RE: Apostasy~Can someone help? - 5/22/2008 9:48:36 PM
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Gloryandgrace
Posts: 484
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
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Apostates do not repent, pray, seek counsel and prayer, fellowship, fast and do all they can to restore a relationship to Jesus Christ.
You are not an apostate.
Let these verses help.
Jer 31:18 I have surely heard Ephraim bemoaning himself thus; Thou hast chastised me, and I was chastised, as a bullock unaccustomed to the yoke: turn thou me, and I shall be turned; for thou art the LORD my God.
Jer 31:19 Surely after that I was turned, I repented; and after that I was instructed, I smote upon my thigh: I was ashamed, yea, even confounded, because I did bear the reproach of my youth.
Jer 31:20 Is Ephraim my dear son? is he a pleasant child? for since I spoke against him, I do earnestly remember him still: therefore my bowels are troubled for him; I will surely have mercy upon him, saith the LORD.
Jer 31:21 Set thee up waymarks, make thee high heaps: set thine heart toward the highway, even the way which thou wentest: turn again, O virgin of Israel, turn again to these thy cities.
Jer 31:22 How long wilt thou go about, O thou backsliding daughter? for the LORD hath created a new thing in the earth, A woman shall compass a man.
God is willing that no one perish, that promise belongs to his people. God knows how you feel, believe that text and pray for God to reveal to you that 'he remembers you still'. God surely does.
John
_____________________________
Isa 42:6 I the LORD have called thee in righteousness, and will hold thine hand, and will keep thee, and give thee for a covenant of the people, for a light of the Gentiles.....
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RE: Apostasy~Can someone help? - 5/23/2008 8:39:16 PM
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loveineffable
Posts: 90
Joined: 5/23/2008
Status: offline
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Melanie,
God loves you, he has never left you, you are back to him, from your free will, so he never forsook you.
No one can snatch you out of his hand, since you truly believe.
Yet all of us, no matter who we are do not cease from failing, we all still do wrongs. yet are forgiven.
God waits for us to first say thank you to being forgiven, and then waits for us to ask him to show us how to walk circumspectly. Just like when we were babies, we fell many times before, understanding one foot in front of the other, and balance. God is our balance. Trust him and him only, read the word to know him the author. And the truth will set you free.
ineffablelove
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RE: Apostasy~Can someone help? - 5/24/2008 5:22:57 PM
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terryjohn
Posts: 445
Joined: 3/23/2007
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We all try too hard not to sin. When we fail we, try a little harder and fail again, and try even harder, if that were possible, and finally we get to the point were we either give up trying and fall away, or let God take the blame for our sin.
The issue I see is that if we are saved by grace, then trying so so hard to be perfect is, firstly, impossible, and secondly, not what God expects of us. Well, not in the sense men think of as being perfect. I think it is said, that perfect love casts out all fear and the fact that we are saved by grace and not that of ourselves makes you want to re-evaluate our own efforts in trying to create our own self-worth?
You could say the fact that we are said to be saved by faith/grace alone should suggest that we should have to live by faith and grace alone. The ultimate blasphemy is to suggest that we are accepted soley for our own goodness/efforts sake.
Now sin is a matter of not loving God. Hence, anything can be a sin, if it is not done in love for God. So even giving all you have to feed the poor will not save you and may be sin if you do not love God. The fact is sins are only sins because of our lack of faith, for it is impossible to please Him with out faith. You could say that our own unworthiness keeps us ever humble and grateful that we are saved/acceptable/loved/forgiven by faith and faith alone.
It is also said that love for God and others covers a multitute of sins and although it might help us forget what we have done, it is more likely to prevent us from committing so called sins. Actually the golden rule is, "Do unto others what you would have them do unto you." Once, we begin to love as Christ loves we really do stop abusing and using others and in the end love casts out all fear of our own unworthiness and finally we see our God, our Lord, our King as our Father. Then and only then do we see the mystery of which Christ talked of for we are not servants whom God may dismiss but sons whom the Father loves and died for.
Go ahead and love, for who does not want to love and be loved?
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RE: Apostasy~Can someone help? - 6/1/2008 1:35:00 AM
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pmilst
Posts: 60
Joined: 2/22/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: acontriteheart
I don't even know where to begin, but I am horrified and convinced that I have committed apostasy. I gave my heart to the Lord over ten years ago and after walking with him about two years or so I adventured back into my old lifestyle, yes, Sin. The moment I did decide to leave him so to speak I felt his power leave or diminish greatly and then I committed another sin and felt it again, but after a while it just stopped and I did not feel anything anymore. I never stopped believing in the Gospel or the truth of who Jesus is, but I wasn't obeying period.
Over three months ago I repented, asked God for forgiveness, cleaned up my life of all known sin, pray without ceasing a lot, fast and have spent every last spare moment even hours in the Word ever since. I have been in a women's bible study at church that has now ended but they have all been praying for me and one in particular so it makes me feel a little better. I know that God's Word is truth, but I am having a hard time with all of this. Scriptures haunt me and I feel at times that there is no hope for me ever being able to have a relationship with the Lord again. I feel sometimes that I have just gone to far, to the point of know return even though I desire desperately to be forgiven and restored. I am in despair most of the time. I have ruined my life pretty good and have no one to blame but myself. I can not bare the thought of not having the Lord in my life ever again or being without him in eternity. I feel at times that I am in Hell now. The Lord was my everything and now well, I would give anything just to know that it's not to late for me. If anyone can help me I'd be beyond grateful.
This is simple encouragement, go find an Amplified Bible and read and reread Ezek. 18 until God encourages your heart. It is full of forgiveness for the believer who has strayed. Read that chapter until God teaches you the meaning. Ask His Spirit to show you the meaning, crawl through the chapter multiple times very slowly. God bless you as you experience the love, grace and forgiveness of God.
_____________________________
1 Cor. 2: 9-10 "Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love Him. But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit..."
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RE: Apostasy~Can someone help? - 6/3/2008 3:12:38 PM
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Camille79
Posts: 3
Joined: 12/18/2005
Status: offline
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Remember the story of the prodigal son and how the Father was always willing to welcome him back.
There is a book by Charles Stanley, called, "The Gift of Forgiveness", which is an excellent book for people who question their salvation.
http://www.amazon.com/Gift-Forgiveness-Charles-F-Stanley/dp/0785264159
~~~~
For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. – Romans 10:13
< Message edited by Camille79 -- 6/3/2008 3:19:27 PM >
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RE: Apostasy~Can someone help? - 6/28/2008 8:37:35 PM
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LBolt
Posts: 886
Joined: 11/30/2007
Status: offline
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Really let what the posters have said sink into your spirit. The very fact that you feel this way is evident that you haven't apostasized. Be encouraged...read Ephesians 3:17-19 and this is my prayer for you.
_____________________________
Wisdom is the principle thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding...she shall give to thine head an ornament of grace..---Proverbs 4:7,9
You mean there was grace in the Old Testament?!!!
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RE: Apostasy~Can someone help? - 7/17/2008 11:12:10 PM
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OleFitzHi
Posts: 39
Joined: 6/26/2006
Status: offline
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There is a great book on this very subject called "Spritual Depression" by D. Martin Lloyd-Jones.
I think that Lloyd-Jones would probably tell you that even though you have been unfaithful, He is forever faithful. Get your eyes off of your own unfaithfulness and look upon HIM.
I say that you are SO VERY CLOSE to a deep, lasting, and real relationship with the RISEN LORD. This statement that you made "I can not bare the thought of not having the Lord in my life ever again or being without him in eternity." That is where we all need to LIVE.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LBolt
Really let what the posters have said sink into your spirit. The very fact that you feel this way is evident that you haven't apostasized. Be encouraged...read Ephesians 3:17-19 and this is my prayer for you.
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RE: Apostasy~Can someone help? - 7/25/2008 2:42:46 AM
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cognitivemagic
Posts: 208
Joined: 1/14/2008
Status: offline
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Dear Melanie;
I deeply empathize and sympathize with your plight. Of course, no post at a forum can do full justice to your needs and concerns, but let me give you some advice:
1) Talk to your pastor about your concerns.
2) If reading the Bible is causing anxiety, STOP!! Wait until you can read it in a more stable condition. Like medicine, you want to take it in in appropriate doses. Don't overdose yourself.
3) When a person really wants to live for God, and sincerely makes attempt to do so, however feeble those attempts are, the enemy mounts the most furious attacks upon such a person. Their greatest weapon: fear. That's why the bible says that the devil "roams around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour".
4) Keep reaching out to others for help.
5) Remember this:
"In this you greatly rejoice, though for now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love. (1 Pet. 1:6,7)
"And you have forgotten the exhortation that speaks to you as to sons:
'My son, do not despise the
chastening of the Lord,
Nor be discouraged when you
are rebuked by Him;
For whom the Lord loves He chastens,
And scourges every son whom
He receives'.
If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten?
But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons......Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so the what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather healed."
(Hebrews 12:5-13)
When this scripture mentions "hands which hang down", it is speaking of our spirits which are brought low by trials. Nevertheless, it encourages us the "make straight paths" for our feet....not because God has abandoned us, but precisely because He hasn't!!
If you must read the bible, please read Psalm 51. Make it your daily prayer!!
May God bless you now and always.
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RE: Apostasy~Can someone help? - 7/28/2008 9:51:50 AM
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Carico
Posts: 531
Joined: 8/19/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: acontriteheart
I don't even know where to begin, but I am horrified and convinced that I have committed apostasy. I gave my heart to the Lord over ten years ago and after walking with him about two years or so I adventured back into my old lifestyle, yes, Sin. The moment I did decide to leave him so to speak I felt his power leave or diminish greatly and then I committed another sin and felt it again, but after a while it just stopped and I did not feel anything anymore. I never stopped believing in the Gospel or the truth of who Jesus is, but I wasn't obeying period.
Over three months ago I repented, asked God for forgiveness, cleaned up my life of all known sin, pray without ceasing a lot, fast and have spent every last spare moment even hours in the Word ever since. I have been in a women's bible study at church that has now ended but they have all been praying for me and one in particular so it makes me feel a little better. I know that God's Word is truth, but I am having a hard time with all of this. Scriptures haunt me and I feel at times that there is no hope for me ever being able to have a relationship with the Lord again. I feel sometimes that I have just gone to far, to the point of know return even though I desire desperately to be forgiven and restored. I am in despair most of the time. I have ruined my life pretty good and have no one to blame but myself. I can not bare the thought of not having the Lord in my life ever again or being without him in eternity. I feel at times that I am in Hell now. The Lord was my everything and now well, I would give anything just to know that it's not to late for me. If anyone can help me I'd be beyond grateful.
If you have truly met our risen Lord, Jesus says, he will never abandon you. So apostasy cannot happen to born again Christians because we cannot become unborn again of the Spirit. The Spirit doesn't jump back outside of us. So John tells us what to do in 1 John 1;8-9, that if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us. As Jesus tells us, the only unforgivable sin is blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. That blasphemy is denying the truth, personage and divinity of Christ.
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