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Another tomboy question - 8/14/2008 11:32:20 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 2079
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This is starting to bug me. My very close female friends often say that I'm a man, lol. Seriously, they've been saying this for years. They don't mean it to imply that I'm a lesbian or that I"m butchy or that I'm not feminine. I look very much like a woman (at least I think I do). I also am not threatening because I"m very goofy and somewhat flirty (it's a cultural thing). However, I'm very capable of doing things for myself and I have such strong convictions when it comes to my belief. I don't bend easily.
The things I like to do are thing that men life. I can't help it. I like football, and hiking and mountain biking and I can drive anywhere that my vehicle would take me and make it back. I'm usually scared, but fear doesn't seem to stop me. Also, when I ask men to do things for me, I always always pay them but I do occasionally let men pay when I'm out with them.
I don't think I appear bossy, or authoritative; quite the opposite. I'm quite diplomatic in my dealings with people. Also, I'm also very friendly.
Then why am I being called "a man"? Is there anything in what I described that suggest that I'm displaying more masculine traits than feminine traits? Is my personality a turn off for some men? I'd like to be seen as feminine than masculine without appearing helpless.
_____________________________
The heavens declare the glory of God;
And the firmament shows His handiwork. Psalm 19: 1
<--- Whistler, BC
____________________________________
To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven. King Solomon
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/15/2008 12:48:46 AM
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I_Walk_Alone
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This is an interesting question. Because from what I see being described, I don't see anything that would imply that you are the butch type. If this is what would make one butch, then that would imply that my fiancee is as well. She is interested in the same things that you mentioned. I really don't understand why some would make this kind of judgement call, but it sounds like the things that you do are the things that they would like to do but are too scaried to do it. I may be completely wrong about this, but it is just a guess on my part.
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/15/2008 12:51:58 AM
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I_Walk_Alone
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On the turn off part, I am the type that is attracted to that in a woman. Because it is the true trademark of a lady. It doesn't take anything away from their feminine side, it just makes them a stronger independent oriented woman. These are the qualities that have attracted me to my fiancee.
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/15/2008 9:31:08 AM
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John_O
Posts: 8022
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
This is starting to bug me. My very close female friends often say that I'm a man, lol. Seriously, they've been saying this for years. They don't mean it to imply that I'm a lesbian or that I"m butchy or that I'm not feminine. I look very much like a woman (at least I think I do). I also am not threatening because I"m very goofy and somewhat flirty (it's a cultural thing). However, I'm very capable of doing things for myself and I have such strong convictions when it comes to my belief. I don't bend easily.
I've seen your pictures. You are very cute, not a man at all. You are what is known as a strong woman. And that is exceedingly attractive to some men (strong men that is, a weak man couldn't handle you). If someone is not attracted to you because you like to do things that is their loss.
You are no more a man than I am a woman.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/15/2008 1:27:11 PM
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MWD
Posts: 162
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From: New Hampshire
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> Is my personality a turn off for some men? I'd like to be seen as feminine than
> masculine without appearing helpless.
Fuhgeddaboudit. ;-) That won't work with everyone. Lots of guys will always see a walking, breathing contradiction that makes them nervous because a) it assaults their narrow, two-dimensional preconceptions of "woman," b) it invades their territory -- the one where risk and self-sufficiency exist, to which they always envisioned themselves having exclusive rights, and c) it forces them (the men) to have to stand upon and be valued for the people they are, not for the actions/risks they take or for the services/help they can provide but that you have no need of.
I guess my point is, be yourself. If you meet someone and he goes gaga over you, then you'll want that to have happened because he likes you, not the add-ons and the enhancements and perhaps even the things slightly-repressed to try to appeal to a wider audience -- things that will stress you out over time trying to maintain or hold in abeyance.
I'll give you an analog from the male side. (And, no thanks, I'm not looking for a date from anyone here.) I'm a Reagan conservative, extremely self-sufficient, used to be an NRA Certified Firearms Instructor, rode dirt bikes like a madman in my more-flexible years, do most of my own truck maintenance including the 1-ton, do all my own electrical and plumbing, ride a Harley-Davidson Sportster that I work on myself, have thighs like dreams from horseback riding, and have an outstandingly tiny backside that someone once told me ought to be severely reprimanded for the things it does whenever I'm walking. So... typical man, right? Wait: I hate hiking, hate mountain bikes, hate sports and especially hate football and refuse to watch it even on TV, but like Antique stores and unique gift shops, have a small collection of depression glass, have a bunch of cats, liked "The Piano" and did understand the point of it thank you very much, like women with small breasts, have extremely close female friends whose belt buckles I have no desire to unfasten, and like writing love stories with no sex in them that turn hearts to syrup. And you know what? If someone can't appreciate this very desirable package of contradictions  , then let her, and everyone else for that matter, look elsewhere. (There's a three-word equivalent on the loose in the common language, but I'm told you can't write that sort of thing here.)
Stay the way you are, that's my advice. Or at minimum, don't go past the point where you stand in front of the mirror one morning and think, "You know... this really isn't me, and it never was."
_____________________________
"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn't exist."
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/15/2008 2:40:18 PM
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1mlasp
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Who cares if your female friends call you a man...they won't be dating you, men will be! Do they call you this for other reasons? Do you cut to the chase while they talk in circles? Most men would find this refreshing.
Be yourself.
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/15/2008 5:52:53 PM
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Prairiehiker
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I guess the reason I'm asking is to get an idea if men actually sees women like me as more of a male buddy rather than someone they can date. Also, as a woman looking to find someone, I'd like to know what it is that I do that gives off a wrong impression about me to potential candidates. I'm sure my friends see something that I am not aware of. I don't think they meant it as a criticism, but more or less, they probably see me as someone who doesn't need a man because of the strength that I show. Perhaps, I don't know how to be "vulnerable" anymore as I've been alone too long and doing life on my own. This can't be that good when it comes to relationships.
I don't see anything wrong in asking for areas in my life that I should change. Besides, I'm looking for a very specific type of man, and I'm seeing that I display a lot of the qualities in a man that I'm looking for. I'm wondering if that type of man would find me attractive though.
Does that make sense?
_____________________________
The heavens declare the glory of God;
And the firmament shows His handiwork. Psalm 19: 1
<--- Whistler, BC
____________________________________
To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven. King Solomon
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/16/2008 2:06:58 AM
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humbleinspirit
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I knew a guy who ended up marrying a woman because she was rugged enough to do outdoors things, yet still feminine also. I think it says something good for a woman who can do man-type things.
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/16/2008 3:29:53 AM
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I_Walk_Alone
Posts: 164
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I figure this, if a woman is strong enough to tell me when I am wrong then they are the perfect woman for me. That quality is hard to find.
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/16/2008 7:28:50 AM
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MWD
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From: New Hampshire
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> I'm seeing that I display a lot of the qualities in a man that
> I'm looking for. I'm wondering if that type of man would
> find me attractive though.
Then you should get that question answered by trying a few of that type of man on for size before you start bending the woman you are all out of shape to become attractive to men you might not be looking for.
Right?
Are you casting a wide enough net to find the type of man you're looking for?
_____________________________
"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn't exist."
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/16/2008 8:14:38 AM
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buckifn
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quote:
Then why am I being called "a man"? Is there anything in what I described that suggest that I'm displaying more masculine traits than feminine traits? Is my personality a turn off for some men? I'd like to be seen as feminine than masculine without appearing helpless.
Your best answers would prob. come from the people who say those things to you. Have you asked them why they say it?
I could never be married to someone who didn't love football, hiking, and a sense of adventure. I don't think it's worth your time to worry about a few females who may think that is a problem.
Find a guy who loves those things and enjoy them together.
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/16/2008 9:48:39 AM
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willfs
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I would not be too concerned about it. I think my situation applies to yours; except vise versa. I get told by some of my friends that I am a woman. Some of my girl friends try to help me out with what woman want in a guy. However, they say that even my timid/sensitivity has a certain charm to it and can be attractive.
Its the same way with you. There are probably a lot of guys that like the strong personality qualities you possess (sp?).
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/16/2008 11:25:24 AM
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Prairiehiker
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Willfs, that's too funny. You and I are the same. I've been told I'm a man trapped inside a woman's body, lol. It's mostly about how I make my decisions, and how I tend to be fearless most of the time. But as I said, I'm not butchy. So, there's no way I can even be mistaken for a lesbian. I can appreciate women's beauty and not threaten by them, but there's no way I'd be attracted to them.
While femininity is not about looks, it's about the overall aura of the person, someday, I'd like to ask my friends if I somehow display a feminine aura rather than masculine.
_____________________________
The heavens declare the glory of God;
And the firmament shows His handiwork. Psalm 19: 1
<--- Whistler, BC
____________________________________
To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven. King Solomon
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/16/2008 11:26:31 AM
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humbleinspirit
Posts: 17856
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From: Just Outside of Boston
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If you lived in the city you would fit right in!
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/18/2008 7:09:41 AM
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makarizo
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quote:
I like football, and hiking and mountain biking and I can drive anywhere that my vehicle would take me and make it back.
that sounds like a good start.... sign me up!!!!
if you are being called a man by your female friends, I guess that is their way of labeling something that they do not understand.
when you are with your female friends, you are "one of the girls"... right?
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/18/2008 5:29:36 PM
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Prairiehiker
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I asked a friend today about why others would call me a man, and if I appear more masculine than feminine. Her response was that I know what I want and confident in my approach, and that can make a man feel insecure around me. I had no idea that is how women perceived me, because, honestly, I don't' see myself like that.
I asked a few others, including my male friends, about this but have not gotten any response. It must be bothering me more than I'm willing to admit. I really don't like to exude masculine energy.
_____________________________
The heavens declare the glory of God;
And the firmament shows His handiwork. Psalm 19: 1
<--- Whistler, BC
____________________________________
To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven. King Solomon
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/18/2008 11:31:37 PM
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willfs
Posts: 315
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
I guess the reason I'm asking is to get an idea if men actually sees women like me as more of a male buddy rather than someone they can date
From my understanding of most guys, as well as myself, I dont' think you are indanger of this. Most guys would love to date a 'buddy". I don't think any of them have ever been turned off of a girl because she was too much of a buddy. But thats my experience.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
I'm looking for a very specific type of man, and I'm seeing that I display a lot of the qualities in a man that I'm looking for. I'm wondering if that type of man would find me attractive though.
Does that make sense?
I have those very same thoughts! I feel like I have a lot of the traits I am looking for in someone but will that person really be looking for me. Now when someone has that fear I am like, "Don't worry about it. Just be the best you that you can be. You are worrying to much." However, when I think about myself. I fear, not that I won't find some who are interested in me, but that I will find someone I think is great but will I really be that great to them? I look at the type of person I am looking for and wonder if that "type' would like me. But after hearing you say you fear it I am starting to think its just one of those fears we have that wastes our time.
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/20/2008 7:38:30 AM
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MWD
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From: New Hampshire
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I don't know why I didn't think of this before (and I apologize in advance to anyone who's already said it and for my having missed it), but is it possible men look at you, simply see too much of a good thing, and say to themselves, "Wow. Too much of it going on there. No way she'd stay with me. I'll pass. I need something that's gonna last."
_____________________________
"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn't exist."
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/20/2008 1:17:53 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 2079
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MWD
I don't know why I didn't think of this before (and I apologize in advance to anyone who's already said it and for my having missed it), but is it possible men look at you, simply see too much of a good thing, and say to themselves, "Wow. Too much of it going on there. No way she'd stay with me. I'll pass. I need something that's gonna last."
I don't know why you think that either because the comments about me came from a couple of female friends that I'm very close to. So, that can't be it, lol.
_____________________________
The heavens declare the glory of God;
And the firmament shows His handiwork. Psalm 19: 1
<--- Whistler, BC
____________________________________
To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven. King Solomon
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/20/2008 6:13:36 PM
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Lion_Judah7
Posts: 26
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From: Lion_Judah7
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Sister I like your honesty!
Reading your heart in words...you're the most honest person I've come across so far!
Thanks for telling it like you really are. I believe you are who you say you are!
May Our God continue to bless you both!
_____________________________
2 Chron. 7:14 then if my people will humble themselves and pray, and search for me, and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear them from heaven and forgive their sins and heal their land.
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/20/2008 6:52:15 PM
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MWD
Posts: 162
Joined: 8/23/2006
From: New Hampshire
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1. I wasn't bootstrapping off the comments anyone made to you, just going by how you described yourself.
2. I find it interesting that your male friends won't help you with this. They'd be the ones to know best, not us. We don't know you. You should force it out of them. ;-)
3. Maybe it just comes down to chemistry. Sometimes I'll meet someone who appears to have potential, but then after five minutes, I'm thinking, "Yikes..." And sometimes I'll meet someone who's just sort of "meh" at first, but then after five minutes I'm starting to get interested. It really could be anything. Spin the wheel and see where it lands. Energy level. How you walk. How you sit. The tone of your voice. The pitch of your voice. The speed at which the words come out. A general demeanor that feels iron-like. A sense you might instill in others of being highly "driven," or "over-purposed." I could go on, but I'm trying to hit a hundred-yard target I can't see using a pellet gun and only the faintest of clues. This is the type of chemistry assessment the men you're friends with ought to be helping you with.
_____________________________
"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn't exist."
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/25/2008 10:47:44 AM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 2079
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I got a response from a male friend about whether he perceived me as masculine. He said that it’s a tough question to answer, but he doesn’t think men sees me as masculine, but he does see a point in why my female friends would think I am.
Hmmm....that’s not good. I think I’ve been alone too long and have managed to live my life with a “can do attitude and not needing anyone” type of defensiveness, that perhaps, the softness and feminity has been drained out of me. Sigh.
Any suggestions on getting that balance back?
_____________________________
The heavens declare the glory of God;
And the firmament shows His handiwork. Psalm 19: 1
<--- Whistler, BC
____________________________________
To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven. King Solomon
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/25/2008 6:14:49 PM
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jn1010lf
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Hello Prairiehiker
It's hard to anwer your question since I'm not in your presence. I will say that extereme self sufficiency in women turn men off. We men like to think that we are necessary.
You didn't say how you dress. Do you dress like a man or a woman? Do you use makeup? Beyond that, I would be at a loss to go further.
I will add this. Do men say that you are too masculine? If so, you might consider studying women's magazines and exploring the mindset that is displayed in them.
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/25/2008 8:00:31 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 2079
Joined: 12/11/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jn1010lf
Hello Prairiehiker
It's hard to answer your question since I'm not in your presence. I will say that extrema self sufficiency in women turn men off. We men like to think that we are necessary.
You didn't say how you dress. Do you dress like a man or a woman? Do you use makeup? Beyond that, I would be at a loss to go further.
I will add this. Do men say that you are too masculine? If so, you might consider studying women's magazines and exploring the mindset that is displayed in them.
Thanks for answers. I'm not masculine in any shape or form. If anything, I dress very girly and look very girly and feminine though very athletic (that's me in my avatar). For example, yesterday, I was in a parking lot, dressed in high heels and really girly summer shirt, then I took out my bike rack from my vehicle and proceeded to install it to my car....a man I've never met automatically offered his helping hand, which was kinda nice, but since I could do it myself, I graciously turned him down. So, he didn't perceive me as masculine at all. And why I was wearing high heels was because I just changed from my cycling outfit to go to a cafe to do some reading).
Should I have accepted the man's offer when I can do it myself? I would have wanted to meet the man, actually, because he's really cute, but how was I supposed to act? This is the tough part for me. I don't know how to accept any help from any man, or woman for that matter, and if they do something nice for me, I always make it a point to pay them, whether with money or gift certificates, or something. That's just the nice thing to do, in my opinion.
I guess it's the mindset then. Perhaps I project an image that I can do it all without any help from anyone.
_____________________________
The heavens declare the glory of God;
And the firmament shows His handiwork. Psalm 19: 1
<--- Whistler, BC
____________________________________
To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven. King Solomon
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