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Ambivilent (I think) - 11/10/2008 4:15:57 PM
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ralklm47
Posts: 2
Joined: 11/10/2008
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Hi! New here, and this is my first post. I've had an ongoing issue with "dating" I have not had a date in 12 years-went through a lot of things, became a Christian about 7 years ago. In the past few years, I've thought more about having a relationship than in a long time-by more I mean ocassionaly. I don't feel ready to do anything about it (like dating sites) but my problem is when I see friends doing things that I did in my past, I get very upset with them and feel isolated. Ex. Making excuses for bad behavior (Oh he's just afraid) or having sex too soon if not immediately. How do I forgive myself for my past, and not let it interfere with how I feel when others date. BTW, these "others" are not Christians that I know of. I don't want what they have anyway, so why is this bothering me? Any insight?
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RE: Ambivilent (I think) - 11/10/2008 6:44:44 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1939
Joined: 9/26/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ralklm47
Hi! New here, and this is my first post.
Welcome, Ralklm47! Pull up a chair and join right in - there's lots of friendly folks here who love the Lord. 
quote:
I've had an ongoing issue with "dating" I have not had a date in 12 years-went through a lot of things, became a Christian about 7 years ago. In the past few years, I've thought more about having a relationship than in a long time-by more I mean ocassionaly. I don't feel ready to do anything about it (like dating sites)...
When I was single (from late teens to late thirties) I often went years without dating, too. That's OK, too.
quote:
...but my problem is when I see friends doing things that I did in my past, I get very upset with them and feel isolated. Ex. Making excuses for bad behavior (Oh he's just afraid) or having sex too soon if not immediately.
You see people commiting moral suicide, and of course it bothers you. They are hurting themselves. You are isolated because people who like to excuse sin don't like people who point it out to them. Rom. 1 talks about this. Kind of a "misery loves company" while pretending they're having fun and desperately chasing a life that is supposed to feel good. You know that's half a bridge over the Grand Canyon; it doesn't end well.
To get fellowship, you need people who aren't committing moral suicide. So go where they are: churches, conferences, meetings, Christian worldview conferences, Christian cruises by denomination, etc. And hold out for people who are serious about their walks with God, because our society is a moral cess pool.
quote:
How do I forgive myself for my past, and not let it interfere with how I feel when others date. BTW, these "others" are not Christians that I know of. I don't want what they have anyway, so why is this bothering me? Any insight?
You're asking several different questions here.
1) You forgive your past because Jesus paid for it and God forgot about it. So you can, too. You've been washed and given new life. Rejoice!
2) It's not bad to feel bad when others date if they're doing it wrong; no one likes to see a person run over by a truck. Pray for them, and speak up as is appropriate. It may cost you some friends, but how close are they going to be to you when they are blowing life and you aren't?
If you are coveting having someone to date, then go to God and thank Him for not having someone to date (Ps. 84:11 - if it was a good thing, He'd give it to you. But the next 5 minutes may change everything, so trust Him and get on with whatever you need to be doing... for the next 5 minutes  ) and ask Him to meet your needs in His perfect way, whether that's a guy looking for a wife or someone needing a single gal for some ministry. As Jim Elliott said, whereever God puts you, live it to the hilt!
It's bothering you probably because God made most of us for marriage (you don't sound like eunuch material to me because you do want a date, and I assume marriage). So ask Him what things you could be doing to prepare to be married, and ask Him to bring the right guy at the right time (or gal, if you're a guy. You never said).
Personally, I think dating is good preparation for divorce as our culture practices it: get emotionally involved, break up, repeat. Had I known about courting that's what I would have done as a single. Either the guy is looking for a wife and pursues a woman under her father's watchful eye (oh, what heartache that would have prevented in my life!) or he gets outed as a selfish user. Or the woman is. You'll have to decide for yourself, but this is what I counseled my college teen to do.
You are asking great questions and I hope this has helped some. God bless you; I am praying for you tonight.
BTW, your subject line made me laugh out loud. Good joke.
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