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Alone and Ignored - 8/1/2008 3:37:50 PM
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tapestry
Posts: 181
Joined: 8/19/2005
From: Ontario, Canada
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I heard this said by someone the other day and it really got me thinking. How many people are a part of your church, show up every Sunday, maybe even help out around the church, yet they feel very alone and ignored?
They get on places like this forum, talk to lots of people at work and in thier neighbourhood, but still feel alone and ignored.
What do you do to reach out to these people? Are you even aware they are there?
Are you so involved with your circle of people that you do not even notice?
When on forums do you always just respond to the same poster, or do you make sure to answer and respond to those who are new, or maybe long time posters no one really got to know?
Jesus spent a lot of time with others, not just His disciples. He went to homes of sinners and tax collectors. He loved those who had nothing to offer, those who needed the help of others.
I know there are many times when I do not take the time to notice what those around me are needing.
< Message edited by tapestry -- 8/1/2008 3:46:33 PM >
_____________________________
Joshua 24:15 B
..."As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."
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RE: Alone and Ignored - 8/1/2008 4:17:29 PM
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mvic
Posts: 1534
Joined: 1/17/2008
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Isn't it ironic that at a time of mass communications with TVs, internet, cellular phones etc etc ... there are still lonely and ignored people around.
I've mentioned this story before, so with the mods indulgence I'll do so again.
I heard on the radio that an elderly lady, living alone with no visitors day in day out, feels so lonely that she takes the bus once a week (it's free in the UK for senior citizens) and goes to town then back again. She doesn't get off the bus. The round trip is about an hour. But she does so because it is her only opportunity to make contact with another human being. She speaks to no one. She just sits on the bus looking at people and envying their full lives.
Loneliness is next door to us - if we care to look.
_____________________________
Christian words of comfort at http://www.holyvisions.co.uk
Welcome to my Blog
MEI VITA INDICO CHRISTUS
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RE: Alone and Ignored - 8/1/2008 4:28:45 PM
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delete123
Posts: 937
Joined: 6/1/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: tapestry
I heard this said by someone the other day and it really got me thinking. How many people are a part of your church, show up every Sunday, maybe even help out around the church, yet they feel very alone and ignored?
They get on places like this forum, talk to lots of people at work and in thier neighbourhood, but still feel alone and ignored.
What do you do to reach out to these people? Are you even aware they are there?
Are you so involved with your circle of people that you do not even notice?
When on forums do you always just respond to the same poster, or do you make sure to answer and respond to those who are new, or maybe long time posters no one really got to know?
Jesus spent a lot of time with others, not just His disciples. He went to homes of sinners and tax collectors. He loved those who had nothing to offer, those who needed the help of others.
I know there are many times when I do not take the time to notice what those around me are needing.
Tapestry~
I had gone through this experience and it is not fun, so believe I it makes me aware of others.
I attended a large church (over 10K people) and no one spoke to me except 1 person until I decided to leave (I attended regularly and tithed regularly for 6 years there). I was on the cleaning ministry and the only time I was spoken to was to make me aware of my next schedule cleaning date. (I also learned I was in the ministry from the pastor. No one called me to tell me that they could use me.)
On this forum I only answer a post if I believe I can be helpful and it has nothing to do with who the poster is. No one here has befriended me, but also believe that maybe I am not here to make them.
the church I occassionally attend now I make it a point to say hello to everyone and teach my son to say hello as well. He brings out the best in people, lol! He's a real ham....
When I go walking, which is usually daily with my son. We say hello to everyone and I remember faces, so at times will extend: And how are you today?
It has already been noted that people fail others, that's why I do not hold anyone to expectations.
Ok hope this helps
CRH
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RE: Alone and Ignored - 8/1/2008 4:30:18 PM
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dobra1629
Posts: 3
Joined: 8/1/2008
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I have been there myself when I attended "mega churches" and did not get involved in anything. I think you have to get involved to not get lost. I am in a small church now that is cell centered. We meet in small groups so no one has to feel alone or be alone unless that's what they want. You should not wait for people to reach out to you but be pro-active and reach out to them. It's your choice.
_____________________________
"It's hell without the Lord"
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RE: Alone and Ignored - 8/1/2008 4:50:13 PM
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Liveloved
Posts: 1817
Status: offline
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quote:
I heard this said by someone the other day and it really got me thinking. How many people are a part of your church, show up every Sunday, maybe even help out around the church, yet they feel very alone and ignored?
They get on places like this forum, talk to lots of people at work and in thier neighbourhood, but still feel alone and ignored.
What do you do to reach out to these people? Are you even aware they are there?
Are you so involved with your circle of people that you do not even notice?
When on forums do you always just respond to the same poster, or do you make sure to answer and respond to those who are new, or maybe long time posters no one really got to know?
Jesus spent a lot of time with others, not just His disciples. He went to homes of sinners and tax collectors. He loved those who had nothing to offer, those who needed the help of others.
I know there are many times when I do not take the time to notice what those around me are needing.
What a great topic, tapestry, and so very important! Philippians 2:3-4 tells us, "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others."
What is the core of our problem? Our selfishness. We think of ourselves more often than we think of others. We think of our needs being met rather than the needs of those around us. We think of the things that concern US rather than the things that concern my neighbor. The big 'I' looms large and takes our attention. I'm not much but I'm all I think about is a sign a friend has on her refrigerator to remind herself of how easily we get caught up in me, me, me.
The Lord took me through some very hard, painful lessons to teach me the importance of looking out for others. I had some very good friends. These were my sisters and brothers in Christ. We spent alot of time together. We went out together. We were 'tight'. In fact, we were so tight that no one else could really be included or noticed. So the Lord allowed sin to break this 'tight' little bunch apart! And it was the best thing that ever happened!
As I mourned the loss of these friendships/family, C.S. Lewis' words loomed large to me. God gives His gifts to vessels who are empty enough to receive them.
He emptied me of all of these friends who I thought I needed to be fulfilled so that I, instead, could begin seeing and meeting the needs of others. He grew me greatly during that grieving time (which lasted over a year) so that I would find Him as the friend who sticks closer than a brother. Now I no longer 'need' friends but can be a friend to many. And I am.
But, yes, I am not tied to certain ones. I am able to see those around me, notice and draw near to those in need.
People ask me how I know such and such about another person---amazed. It is because I took the time to get to know them, I cared about them, I asked questions, I gave them my time and my attention.
Yes, people need the Lord but they also need us. We are His arms, His legs, His hands, and often His mouth and heart. Living letters of His love is how Paul described us.
Thanks, tapestry, for noticing this great need within the body and without.
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RE: Alone and Ignored - 8/1/2008 5:11:33 PM
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pstrdebi
Posts: 739
Joined: 4/28/2008
From: So. Oregon, by way of So. Cal.
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: tapestry
What do you do to reach out to these people? Are you even aware they are there?
Are you so involved with your circle of people that you do not even notice?
When on forums do you always just respond to the same poster, or do you make sure to answer and respond to those who are new, or maybe long time posters no one really got to know?
Jesus spent a lot of time with others, not just His disciples. He went to homes of sinners and tax collectors. He loved those who had nothing to offer, those who needed the help of others.
I know there are many times when I do not take the time to notice what those around me are needing.
As pastors, this is a very important part of ministry. I personally have seen pastors and lay-leaders become very "click-ish"... have a certain set of friends and certain people that they always call upon to take on important programs, etc. in the church. A very unfortunate way of running a church!
We make it a point to "know" our flock. Now, there is a big difference between the worlds view of 'knowing' someone and the bibles. The biblical term for knowing someone is a very personal relationship. I do not want to just know some-one's name... I want to know their life, their heart, their desires, etc. I want to know what I can do to help them along the walk. "Oh, but that takes up a lot of time."... some would say. Yes! It does... and it is time well invested. Not only do we know our flock... but our flock knows us, and are loyal and happy.
I know that not all respond to personal one-on-one relationships. There are some out there who truly want to be alone, and that's OK... they will still know we love them and care about them. Those who are lonely and ignored only need a friendly smile, and someone to slow down just a little and show a little kindness. It does go a long ways.
As kind of an example of what you are talking about: Once when I was going through an extremely difficult time in my life, I saw a woman from church in the grocery store. We said hi, and then she asked me how I was. Well, instead of the usual "I'm fine," I decided to tell her the truth... so I said, "I'm really not doing good, my life is falling apart... and I could really use someone to talk to and pray with." She responded, without missing a beat and without making eye contact, with, "Oh, that's great dear... have a good day."... and went on her way. She didn't hear a word I said.
We also need to take time to not just listen to people, but to really hear them. There are tones and inflections
in their voices that will help determine how they are really doing.
Blessings!
_____________________________
"For in Him we live and move and have our being..." Acts 17:28a
http://www.therockfellowship.org
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RE: Alone and Ignored - 8/1/2008 5:28:20 PM
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deliveredarling
Posts: 1932
Joined: 8/30/2007
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quote:
We also need to take time to not just listen to people, but to really hear them. There are tones and inflections
in their voices that will help determine how they are really doing.
Very true! It can be done on these posts too 
I remember as a kid having the fear of eating lunch alone. It didn't ever happen but I always thought how awful that would be. I made a special effort to invite the new kids to eat lunch with me. Whether we stayed friends after that or not. Those first days can be doozies! I'm the new person at my church and people have been kind, not as kind as I would expect, but it is a much larger church than the one I previously attended. I make a point of introducing myself and meeting the members. If I want to be apart of, I have to do my part. Just doing it has brought recognition to a few who live in bubbles.
I know that there are ministries for shut ins, but how do we really know all the ones "missing" from church are shut ins? Maybe they are down and out, going through a very dark time, maybe ticked off, maybe ill. I suppose checking Sunday school rosters would help shine a light on the MIA. Making a point, making it important, to reach out will benefit us all. Probably more than the person we are reaching out to.
As for new posters, I'm leary honestly. Some, I have seen just want to antagonize and I don't want to encourage that. Some are fly by night. As a mod said, " they are post and run."  If they are serious about participating, they will stick around.
_____________________________
"Now no one after lighting a lamp covers it over with a container, or puts it under a bed: but he puts it on a lampstand, in order that those who come in may see the light."
Luke 8:16
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RE: Alone and Ignored - 8/1/2008 6:13:26 PM
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Walker311
Posts: 1463
Joined: 4/11/2005
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I am a self-described loner/people person... or psycho.
I am constantly extending my hand to others especially at work because that is part of what I do. I notice the ignored and there is always a reason behind why they are treated this way. Over a period of time of familiarity, they usually will reveal why.
I don't mind being ignored because I'm old enough and mature enough not to care. There are people who are ignored because they require constant attention so they bring it on themselves by their behavior.
Some people choose to be alone while others do not know how to change so that they can attract more friends. This is a great opportunity to befriend them and teach them how to make new friends and keep them. Granted, so many people now days get so wrapped up in what they are doing that they cannot see the forgotten and downtrodden right under their noses.
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RE: Alone and Ignored - 8/1/2008 6:28:37 PM
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KuKu
Posts: 889
Joined: 5/20/2005
From: Somewhere out there
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Walker311
I notice the ignored and there is always a reason behind why they are treated this way.
This is kind of like your typical singles thread... LOL
I talk to people, greet new people, take time to talk AND listen to people, etc. both at church and at work.
At work, after 8 months, I am asked to train new people (my boss told me it is because I am so nice to ALL new people), I can make people laugh, have gotten people to talk to me that literally won't talk to anyone else, have people go out of their way to talk to me, etc.
At church, after 1 1/2 years, if I sit down first at potluck, I end up with empty chairs around me (now I don't sit until I see someone else sitting alone..); I send notes, gifts, etc. to encourage people and don't get ANYthing back, even after the pastor requests it; most people can't tell you my last name (pastors included); etc. It was a church of 80 when I started, 130 now.
Care to tell me why I am treated so well in the secular, and not so much in the church??
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RE: Alone and Ignored - 8/1/2008 10:22:04 PM
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colliefan
Posts: 2742
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Raleigh, NC
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I try and acknowledge/greet those individuals who come alone. If I notice a woman who is alone and seems to be having a hard time of it, I will point one of our female prayer counselors in her direction.
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RE: Alone and Ignored - 8/2/2008 7:19:22 AM
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conrack50
Posts: 794
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: 200 N. Bryan Ave. Shawnee, Ok 74801
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tapestry,
The ones who say they feel alone I pray for.
I have always taken the time to notice those in my neighborhood because I was raised that way.
I let the Lord point out what posts I really need to look at first, then I go back and look at the others.
I only have 4 forums I visit here but that's all the Lord has given me so far.
If I feel I have missed something or someone's post, I go back and look over all of them. I usually know the ones I have posted to for whatever reason. And I have learned that if I've posted, it brings it up first whatever the topic may be. I'm not sure how I set that up in the profile section but it happens.
Heavenly Father,
We give you thanks that you are always there and any of us do not have to feel alone.
I praise you Father for all your wondrous works thru out all the generations.
In Jesus Name, Amen
Connie Lou
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Come take a look.
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RE: Alone and Ignored - 8/2/2008 7:33:53 AM
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Little_1
Posts: 1440
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Good subject.
Re: onsite - Personally, I tend to stick to the same 4 forums and what honestly attracts me to a post is not the poster's name but the 'subject heading'. Because I work during the week, when I come online in the pm's, I try not to spend too much time on site. I read my emails and respond and then come on Crosswalk and reply to any pm's and look out for subject headings which grab my interest. I also make a point of popping into the prayer forum for a time to pray for those brothers or sisters I recognise on site and any others who are needful of prayer support. You couldn't go through all the posts or you'd be online all night but sometimes I feel burdened to pray for individuals and sometimes for all requests collectively (God knows all about the ones we don't perhaps have time to read personally).
I think there is a forum for new members to say 'hello' in. Perhaps it would be a good idea to view that in future and respond to anyone who has no posts so they don't feel left out.
Re: Church - I have had both good and bad experiences regarding feeling ignored. We all have to meet people half-way to make friends and this may involve ourselves making a first move to befriend others. This will always carry the risk of rejection for one reason or another. When our attempts are ignored to befriend another it could be because the other person is shy or just isn't very sociable. Also, you can join groups within the church to get to know people which may be helpful (or consider starting one if there isn't one already and the pastor/minister agrees). If all else fails - perhaps another more friendly church could be considered if someone feels really strongly about being ignored.
< Message edited by Little_1 -- 8/2/2008 8:53:05 AM >
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RE: Alone and Ignored - 8/2/2008 7:38:27 AM
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Little_1
Posts: 1440
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Just had a look to see if there is a forum for new people to say "hello" and it's called Introductions.
Here's the link:
Crosswalk - Introductions
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RE: Alone and Ignored - 8/2/2008 9:20:39 PM
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tapestry
Posts: 181
Joined: 8/19/2005
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
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quote:
mvic: Isn't it ironic that at a time of mass communications with TVs, internet, cellular phones etc etc ... there are still lonely and ignored people around.
So true!
Thank you all for your many responses. It is always good to hear the opinions of others.
I know there have been times I have felt ignored or lonely, so I hope that it has led me to be more sensitive to others who are going through this.
_____________________________
Joshua 24:15 B
..."As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."
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RE: Alone and Ignored - 8/3/2008 12:47:35 AM
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SonInMe1
Posts: 3425
Joined: 4/16/2005
From: my mom by God
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Why do you go to church?
We can lose our focus, Jesus Christ, and find ourselves thinking of...us...and not the reason why we go.
Sometimes church is...too...social and people go there and see others who look like they are the life of the party and surrounded by friends and that makes some feel left out.
If you want "freinds" you must act friendly.
Many of these "friends" are not real friends. They are just social symbionts...hangers on who are very social...but just as lonely because their relationships are superficial.
A real and true friend is rare. If you want "yesmen" friends you can find hundreds.
A real friend doesn't just happen. It takes time and investment and commitment. Two ways. Most people...I think...don't want to give like that...open up like that...and to work like that...for a friend.
If all you 2ant is to be "with" people, that is pretty easy to do. Just go places and be with people. If you want friends, you have to work for them.
All good things involve work.
Here? We can share and recieve and that is a good thing, but I am not sure without contact, we can truly be called friends. I guess lonely people come to these sites because its easier to be with people here...and we can represent ourselves in anyway we want to.
We are not fat in here...or ugly...or poor.....or have speach problems. We are just another name...another made up name in what is essentially a made up reality.
_____________________________
You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.
James 4:4
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RE: Alone and Ignored - 8/3/2008 10:50:49 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1651
Joined: 4/8/2005
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I think this is a good thread to discuss within the church, within this online community and within the culture as a whole. After seeing this therad activated the other day, it has caused me to do a lot of thinking.
I have commented many times on these forums that we have developed more ways to communicate with one another, yet we know each other less and less. This observation has come over many years of working closely with probationers/parolees trying to reintegrate in the community. Part of the time I worked as a PO was spent supervising a sex offender caseload and co-facilitating sex offender treatment. As I got to know the men and women on my caseload, know their deepest thoughts and struggles as well as getting to know their families, friends and coworkers, it occurred to me that we (people in general) don't know each other very well any more. There are many reasons for this. Part of it is because everyone wants to be heard and no one wants to listen. Another is we have become so self focused that we're looking out for our own best interests through others. Or, perhaps we're trying so hard to keep peace within our homes we don't want to know the things happening that could jeopardize harmony. I'm sure there are many more factors.
IN my career I have dealt with countless families in which harmful thoughts/behavior was occurring under the noses of family members. Those same family members would say that there was no way that Johnny was doing or thinking something destructive because they know him so well and they'd be able to see it. Then, Johnny does something harmful and they call me to come pick up the pieces.
This was brought home to me in my own family when I was beginning to have some personal struggles. I write on my computer as a means of processing the thoughts going through my head. My wife complained to me one time that she did not like the amount of time I was spending on the computer. She wanted to know what it was I was doing on the computer. I told her that everything I am doing is plain to see, that she can get on and read whatever she wants. Several years have gone by and she doesn't complain about my using the computer, but she has not bothered to get on and find out what's going through my head.
I think this is becoming all too commonplace in our society. I see this frequently with other parents I speak with. Their kids are online chatting and using social network sites. The parents have no clue what's going on in the heads of thier kids. Once again, I see this at home as I check my kids profiles everyday and talk to them on their accounts. My wife seems to have no interest and tells the kids that's what she has me for.
Like so many others, I too am lonely. During my 20's and 30's, I had numersous friends, good friends, in my life. Some were long term, others short term. But, since relocating to the lower 48, I'm finding that connection with others to be very difficult. Even at home. if we can't do it at home, how can we do it outside the home?
_____________________________
“A dead thing goes with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it.”
G.K. Chesterton
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RE: Alone and Ignored - 8/4/2008 10:26:50 AM
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sunshine4God
Posts: 6945
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Sterling Ct.
Status: offline
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I struggle with lonlieness and know all to well what its like to feel all alone even in a crowd. Whenever I get so lonely I could lose it and cry,I encourage myself by reminding myself that I am Never alone now that I know God.I know he is always with me.
_____________________________
Matthew 5:16.
"Let your light so shine before men that they will see
your good deeds and glorify your Lord".
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