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Abuse and Addiction - 10/27/2008 5:31:59 PM
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djlewis110
Posts: 3
Joined: 5/2/2005
Status: offline
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Hi,
I have a friend who is in a verbally abusive relationship with a husband who is an alcoholic and a drug addict. They have a 2 year old daughter together. The frequency of occurrence (both the drinking and the angry outbursts) has been increasing and I am fearful that physical abuse is not far away (he's getting close in that he's already thrown a glass of water at her). The wife is a fairly new Christian; husband is not a Christian.
Despite our counseling for her to set boundaries and follow through with the consequences, she continually allows her husband to break through the boundaries with very little repercussions. Part of the problem is her fear of moving out (financial, etc); part of it is her belief (and counseling from some people) that "God wants her to stay in the marriage".
So, I'm looking for input on any books or websites that might be helpful either for my wife and I as we try to counsel our friend or that I can direct our friend to as she works through the issues with her husband. Also, any personal experiences or insight would be helpful.
Thanks in advance for your replies and prayers!
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RE: Abuse and Addiction - 10/27/2008 9:18:51 PM
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hnt
Posts: 538
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
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First off - throwing a glass at her is a form of physical abuse.
Your friend is scared, and if I were guessing her husband is very good at keeping her that way.
Boundaries aren't always easy since abusive people (no gender here) don't give a darn about them. They tromped all over them, and then basically ask - as a bully would - what are you going to do about it! If you are already afraid - it can be quite intimidating to say the least.
She has two equations going on here. The addiction and then the abuse. They are two separate ones, and she is very lucky to have you as a friend and support system. She will need it.
I just found some really good videos by RBC Ministries as they tackle this issue. Domestic Violence There is a series I believe of four videos total. That woudl be an awesome place to start, and I would recommend that you also view them.
I will try to get some resources together, and PM them to you. I used to be very intimidated by other's reactions to this issue, but with God's help I found I was closer than I thought. I have been researching this issue for more than 5 years, and isn't as simplistic as others may think. Its very hard to wrap your mind around at times, but once you get past that the dynamics make sense.
Education is key for your friend, and God will lead her down that path if she allows him to. They both need help, and I pray for them as well!
_____________________________
h
Emotional abuse and Faith
Reaching for IT!!!!!!
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RE: Abuse and Addiction - 10/28/2008 11:11:56 PM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 762
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline
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A woman who's scared and without means of
financial support/alternate shelter/transportation/child care -
won't be too keen on leaving where she living with her child.
Not many scared & abused women are in shape to issue ultimatums...
even fewer can back them up.
She fears the unknown more than her abusive husband.
Get your friend into see a counselor at a shelter for abused women.
That counselor can provide her with the
needed information/resources she needs to know.
It's ultimately her decision to move out but the chances increase
that she will move out if she knows she has a safe place to live, reliable child care/transportation and a job/financial support.
(Since you are aware of the husband's alcohol abuse, spousal abuse and drug use)
*Child endangerment is a criminal offense that involves the subjection of minor children to inappropriate or dangerous situations. It is not the same as child abuse, which involves direct harm to children, but carries a similar penalty in the American judicial system.
For example, a father who has too many drinks while he is watching his four-year-old son could be prosecuted for child endangerment because he was inebriated while he was responsible for a child. Other examples might include exposing children to illegal drugs, pornography, firearms, chemicals, criminal activity and domestic violence. The purpose of child endangerment laws is to keep children from witnessing adult or illegal activity, and to protect them from situations in which they might get hurt.
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RE: Abuse and Addiction - 10/29/2008 3:44:36 AM
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Roberta_
Posts: 7418
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: East Bay Area
Status: offline
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Excellent advice jaime and hnt!
_____________________________
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