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21 Years post abortive - 12/4/2008 12:24:58 PM
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GraceyGirl
Posts: 85
Joined: 6/4/2006
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If you think you may be offended by my post, please stop here. I am writing this to share an experience, NOT to ignite a debate. There's a forum for that over in Morality and Ethics.
Wednesday, Nov 26 was my wedding anniversary. We've been married for 14 years.  I love him like wild and he can still melt my knees with a grin that makes his dimples pop out.
Wednesday, Nov 26 was also the anniversary of my abortion. I was 13 years old at the time. Actually, I was barely 13 - three weeks past my birthday.
I didn't even know I was pregnant actually. I was a victim of sexual abuse. It had been ongoing for some time, perpetrated by friends of my mothers. I was so young and stupid and naive, not having my period just didn't register with me, but apparently she noticed. Early in November, while I was still 12, she took me to the doctor and they had a whisper/scream conversation in the hallway. She came back in, took my hand and harshly jerked me out of the office. I was used to this. More time than I can count a pediatrician or some other doctor would notice a bruise, a tear, some mark that just didn't line up with her explanation. I rarely saw the same doc twice. So, we left, and for the next couple of weeks life went on as normal. Looking back now, I couldn't have been more than five or six weeks along. No symptoms at that point, except for lack of a period which at 12 doesn't mean much. The week of Thanksgiving she let me know she'd be picking me up early that Wednesday b/c I had a doctors appointment. Another doctor. Great. She came and got me before lunch, and promised me McDonald's when we were done. We got to this place that looked more like a store than a doctors office and she led the way inside. When I got in there she pointed to a chair and told me to sit, and got some paperwork that she filled out. I clearly remember a woman across the room staring at me, open mouthed. She asked me where I went to school, what I liked to do, etc. She asked me was I there with someone and I told her I had an appointment. I was a chatterbox at that age. The look of horror on her face was the first indication I had that something was off kilter. They called us back, and led me to a changing room where I was given two of those hospital gowns. The woman told me to take everything off, but I didn't think she could be serious. I was just a kid. I left my socks on, Snoopy socks with the little bird on them. What's his name? Woodstock.
After it was over, the clearest memory I have is that I must have done something terribly wrong for Mom to have that done to me, but I didn't know how to change any of what was happening. In the recovery area, there were these huge armchairs for us. My 13 year old little legs didn't reach the floor and I was painfully aware of just how little I was. They gave me Oreo's and apple juice. What were we celebrating?
It was many, many years later before I knew what had happened that day. I was at Christian camp, in a vespers meeting where they were talking about abortion and a light went on. I feel to my face right there, at that Baptist Camp, and my soul was shrieking. I KNEW, but couldn't believe it. Not me. Couldn't have been. But the evidence was overwhelming. Something began to die in me THAT day - that hot July day. When I returned home, I got the school nurse to help me set up an appt to see an OB/GYN. I was an emancipated minor by that time, so I didn't need parental consent. I will never forget the woman's sad face as she confirmed what I already knew. Pregnancy X1. Evidence of trauma to the cervical rings and several small nicks on the cervix that are very common in women who've had D & C's.
21 years ago the evidence of my mothers sin was taken from my childish womb. Two miscarriages and several failed fertility attempts later, we were finally able to have our two beautiful children.
I find myself in mourning this week. Of course it's inconceivable that I would have been allowed to carry my child, to raise this child. Most certainly it would have been taken away from me, and me from my mother when I began to show. But, it doesn't change for me the fact that there are not only two daughters in heaven with my Father, but a third child as well. We named our daughters when we lost them, but I've had a harder time coming to terms with the baby stolen away from me in those early years.
I forgave my mother a long time ago. I am still in the process of forgiving the men who thought it normal and somehow ok to possess the body of a child.
Last Wednesday was 21 years.
_____________________________
All I want is You ~ All I crave is You
All I want is You ~All I crave is You
My soul pants for God and God ALONE!!
~Misty Edwards
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RE: 21 Years post abortive - 12/4/2008 12:30:46 PM
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raivyne
Posts: 1010
Joined: 8/28/2008
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That's one of the most heart wrenching stories I've ever read. I'm so very sorry.
_____________________________
P.U.S.H. – Pray Until Something Happens
What if God is asking us for a sign?
Knowledge is proud; wisdom is humble.
Patiently waiting for my KSA
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RE: 21 Years post abortive - 12/5/2008 12:30:39 PM
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gal220
Posts: 80
Joined: 7/31/2008
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Thank you for sharing your story. God has given you a testimony that will be a blessing to others.
May God grace continue to wrap you in His warm embrace! Peace!
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RE: 21 Years post abortive - 12/6/2008 12:31:31 AM
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TwinCityGirl
Posts: 1183
Joined: 4/12/2005
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You have quite a testimony. God is good, and I'm so sorry for the losses you have suffered.
Jeanie
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RE: 21 Years post abortive - 12/6/2008 1:38:54 AM
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Roberta_
Posts: 7418
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: East Bay Area
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Thank for sharing.
_____________________________
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RE: 21 Years post abortive - 12/7/2008 8:26:33 PM
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GraceyGirl
Posts: 85
Joined: 6/4/2006
Status: online
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Thank you for your responses. This is one those sharing moments where you really wonder whether or not it's the kind of thing you should even mention.
_____________________________
All I want is You ~ All I crave is You
All I want is You ~All I crave is You
My soul pants for God and God ALONE!!
~Misty Edwards
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RE: 21 Years post abortive - 12/7/2008 9:27:28 PM
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BeeLuvsAva
Posts: 1212
Joined: 10/23/2008
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(((((GraceyGirl)))) I am so very sorry for what you have been through! my heart goes out to you.
as I read the post it brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing!
_____________________________
We enjoy warmth because we have been cold.
We appreciate light because we have been in darkness.
By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness.
-David Weatherford
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RE: 21 Years post abortive - 12/8/2008 9:45:07 PM
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prolifepj
Posts: 704
Joined: 9/12/2008
From: just over yonder
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GraceyGirl - WOW, it takes GUTS to tell a story like that. While I grieve with you - you never know who is thread surfing that needed to read your testimony. Thank you for sharing.
_____________________________
Sho nuff honey chile - Smile, it makes people wonder what you're up to!
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RE: 21 Years post abortive - 12/9/2008 1:09:49 AM
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spitzu
Posts: 1098
Joined: 4/19/2005
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Wow, I can't even imagine. (((hugs)))
_____________________________
<- Ahh, the sound of a real shutter. It's like music!
Macro Monday #6
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RE: 21 Years post abortive - 12/9/2008 11:08:31 AM
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myka
Posts: 811
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(((Gracey)))
I'm so sorry for the things that you have gone through.
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RE: 21 Years post abortive - 12/12/2008 11:05:47 PM
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W.O.F.
Posts: 1399
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
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GraceyGirl...God has brought you a long way from there...and you will always mourn your little one...don't be ashamed or sorry for that mourning...just do something that I do:
Ask Jesus to rock that little one especially for you and whisper His love in his/her ear. Envision that child in that perfect circle of heavenly love...and know that Jesus is also whispering to them about you...so that when you also get to heaven...that child will KNOW you and LOVE you too.
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: 21 Years post abortive - 12/27/2008 8:26:09 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 23650
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here . . . but subject to change; stay tuned
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{{{GraceyGirl}}}
May Our Lord bless you abundantly and may you feel HIS Arms of Comfort around you.
Blessings,
Sharon-Marie
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RE: 21 Years post abortive - 12/27/2008 9:11:04 PM
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Petsmarty
Posts: 152
Joined: 12/3/2008
Status: online
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WOW!! God bless you girl that's all I can say... May God avenge you for the pain that you have experienced... Be blessed... You weren't old enough to know and therefore you weren't accountable for the actions of anyone else... My prayers go with you...
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RE: 21 Years post abortive - 12/28/2008 1:57:27 AM
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saraimay75
Posts: 8087
Joined: 5/11/2005
From: Wherever God plants me.
Status: offline
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What you have shared has taken so much courage.
_____________________________
God love admiration . . . I think it annoys God if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it.
~Alice Walker~
http://360.yahoo.com/saraimay75
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RE: 21 Years post abortive - 12/28/2008 11:55:09 PM
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danas_mom
Posts: 531
Joined: 6/17/2005
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Just wanted to offer you some ((((HUGS)))). It takes a lot of courage to share a story like that. I'm very sorry for what was done to you.
_____________________________
I will not sacrifice to the LORD my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing. ~ 2 Samuel 24:24
Spirit of Ashes Creations
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RE: 21 Years post abortive - 12/29/2008 8:23:27 PM
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Focusing
Posts: 6008
Status: offline
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(((GraceyGirl)))
My heart is breaking. Thank you for sharing your story. I know when I have shared some of my most difficult memories, it seems to lift some of the burden from me. I pray that it has done the same for you.
Father, I lift GraceyGirl to You. Please hold her tenderly when these horrid memories come to the forefront of her mind. Help heal her heart of this terrible experience. Amen.
_____________________________
Instead of a gem, or even a flower, we should cast the gift of a loving thought into the heart of a friend. That would be giving as the angels give.
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